The Adventures of the Dork Dots

Perhaps Forever...

2011-07-20T17:32:00.002-06:00

I have been preparing for this talk very probably my entire life. My hometown is a tiny town in Canada called Raymond, population of about 3,000 people. It was settled in 1901-2 by a group of pioneers who'd come from a group of pioneers in Utah, who had come from a group of pioneers all over the world to settle the west. Willa Cather in O, Pioneers said this: "There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as if they had never happened before; like the larks in this country, that have been singing the same five notes over for thousands of years."

I had learned from staying with my grandmother over the summers about my family history. She took me all around town and showed me the little houses where my relatives lived, where Grandma Lizzie's tent had been the first winter after coming from Heber on a train that only traveled 15 miles an hour--so slow she could get off the train to pick flowers and then catch up! Her husband's parents, Ri and Briggs arrived the next year. They had been married in the Endowment House by Joseph F. Smith.

These people are still real to my grandmother. She grew up with them, and she was invited on her mission by David O. McKay. She met many of the living General Authorities of the church prior to her mission in 1944 while preparing to go on her mission and staying in Salt Lake City. She can describe the mannerisms of the Presidents of the Church back to Heber J. Grant, which is fascinating to me, because she met them, knew them personally.

My grandmother was a pioneer, accepting a call to serve a mission to the Southern California Mission from David O. McKay who was visiting Southern Alberta. In California, she met a young missionary. He'd been told he'd never have children because of the tremendous childhood illnesses he'd encountered. His grandfather was Elder McKay's best friend. Obviously, I believe Elder McKay's invitation to my grandmother was inspired. In 1994, my brother was called to serve in the same mission as my grandparents, exactly 50 years later in another piece of inspiration. To those returned California missionaries, my father was born in 1950, and 11 months later my grandfather died, leaving his little family to pioneer on. Her whole town took care of her on a tiny street in a tiny town in Canada.

My parents met and married in that town and then pioneered on, moving to the United States in 1979, where my dad opened his own family practice and they raised 5 children. It was hard being so far away from loved ones, but it was wonderful to be in the heart of Utah. We learned to find our family here, and we discovered people we weren't as familiar with who became dear to us. That's what pioneering and sacrifice is all about.

"As pioneers in latter-days" our pioneering looks different. The path isn't next to a slow train picking wild flowers along the way. However, my husband will attest that having a sick spouse in 2011 isn't much different than having one in 1949. It's just as hard. The medicine is different, but the sacrifices are about the same. It still takes a village and a ward to raise children. He'll also attest that children were every bit as miraculous in 2000, as my father was in 1950. We feared that we'd never have children. It took 9 tries to get our 4 children. They are miraculous to us. Perhaps it's the perspective on pioneering that makes it appear so amazing... or the cost in health or sleep.

Henry David Thoreau said that the cost of something was measured by "how much life you have to give to it." The core of the Relief Society teaches us in Corinthians to be long-suffering, giving up "all that we have," so that we can be more Christ-like. Taking upon ourselves the manner of Christ because "Charity Never Faileth" and neither does God.

Sometimes, when we're pioneers, we want to throw in the towel. We want to wave an entirely *different* banner. We want to wave the white flag of defeat. Instead, we must rush headlong into battle remembering the sacrifices that we have already made. Why do we get up every morning? What makes it worth it? Why are we here? What is the ultimate goal? What are the promises we make ourselves when we look in the mirror? What makes it possible for you to "Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things"?

Francis Scott Key asks it in the Star Spangled Banner. "Oh, Say does that Star Spangled Banner still wave?" Dylan Thomas urges people to "Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night," Rage, rage against the dying of the light. People speak out against the designated hitters. Will you be a pioneer in this age? In this day? Will you be as David O. McKay asked and be a pioneer? For behold, the field is white and ready to harvest and lo, the time is upon us. Choose your great work and embrace it:

Pioneers! O pioneers!
O you youths, Western youths,
So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship,
Plain I see you Western youths, see you tramping with the foremost,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Have the elder races halted?
Do they droop and end their lesson, wearied over there beyond the seas?
We take up the task eternal, and the burden and the lesson,

Pioneers! O pioneers!
All the past we leave behind,
We debouch upon a newer mightier world, varied world,
Fresh and strong the world we seize, world of labor and the march,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

We detachments steady throwing,
Down the edges, through the passes, up the mountains steep,
Conquering, holding, daring, venturing as we go the unknown ways,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

We primeval forests felling,
We the rivers stemming, vexing we and piercing deep the mines within,
We the surface broad surveying, we the virgin soil upheaving,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

O resistless restless race!
O beloved race in all! O my breast aches with tender love for all!
O I mourn and yet exult, I am rapt with love for all,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

See my children, resolute children,
By those swarms upon our rear we must never yield or falter,
Ages back in ghostly millions frowning there behind us urging,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

All the pulses of the world,
Falling in they beat for us, with the Western movement beat,
Holding single or together, steady moving to the front, all for us,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Has the night descended?
Was the road of late so toilsome? did we stop discouraged nodding on our way?
Yet a passing hour I yield you in your tracks to pause oblivious,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Till with sound of trumpet,
Far, far off the daybreak call-hark! how loud and clear I hear it wind,
Swift! to the head of the army!-swift! spring to your places,
Pioneers! O pioneers!* (poem by Walt Whitman, extremely edited)

Be a pioneer today.

I have been changed for good...

2011-06-02T21:08:00.000-06:00

Today was graduation at Timpanogos High School, and it was my 18th graduation as a teacher. 18. Time flies by so quickly, effortlessly at times. We had a student this year, named as our most influential student of 2011: Brayan Melgar. He didn't live to be recognized at graduation, and we held a special graduation for him earlier this spring knowing this would probably be the case.

Catching me out of the blue was the tribute for him, a lovely video montage using the song "For Good" from Wicked. It was the same song used when my brother David died. We used it in the video montage, and my sisters Jen and Kristen sang it right before we closed Dave's casket.

"It well may be that we may never meet again in this lifetime.

So let me say before we part.

So much of me is made from what I learned from you.

You'll be with me, like a hand print on my heart."

This is what we had inscribed on David's headstone. We had the complete lyrics printed on the back of David's program, and the lyrics "Who can say if I've been changed for the better?" really bothered me for a long time. I wondered if I had been changed for the better. Certainly I knew there was blame to share on my part.

I visited Dave's grave often. Perhaps as often as twice a week for at least a year, maybe as long as 18 months. I mourned him intensely, mourned my inability to bend, to forgive, to grieve completely, to heal. So much of what I became as a person in the ensuing years was from what I learned in that process: that loving people, reaching out to them, being open to who people are, forgiving people the trespasses they have, and I have, comes from clearing the air and asking forgiveness for the shared blame.

I learned that mourning never stops. I'll never stop missing David. I see him in the small boy at my dinner table who is so like him. David would adore the boy who calls himself Maximus. They are very possibly the same child, the boy I remember David being and the boy I tell stories to as I snuggle in bed at night. But, because I have learned, because of the hand prints David left on my heart, I know to enjoy those moments in snuggles. Because I knew David, I have changed the way I look at those moments.

I do believe I have been changed for the better: changed for good.

Piano Recital

2011-05-16T10:36:00.000-06:00

Jack, Xan and Asa have piano recital tomorrow at 6:30 pm at the Tahitian Noni Bldg in Provo. The address is 333 W River Park Drive. You are all invited if you want to come!

Jackson turns 11

2011-05-07T14:13:00.001-06:00

We've got a new BBQ, we've got a boy turning 11, and we're ready to PAR-TAY!

Please join us to celebrate about 6:30 on May 9th for the event.

Jack and Xandri have track until 6pm, and we'll commence grilling.

Please join us...

2011-03-22T11:25:00.000-06:00

Jackson told me that he wasn't going to write on the blog anymore, so I guess it's not Jack and Jill. It's just me.

Please join us

Wednesday

March 30th

6:30pm

at our church

1250 East 200 South, Pleasant Grove (program it into your GPS)

for the awarding of Jackson's arrow of light.

We're planning something phun and unusual, in our regular Phippen-esque way.

Requiescat in pace Rex

2010-11-17T00:48:00.000-07:00

in the still of the night it catches me
silent
alone
it sneaks in on teardrops
in blue eyes and blond hair
in your child like mine
your king
born the summer of mine
your first son
my last
every mother’s fear unites us
your pain
your tears are mine tonight
as my king sleeps in his bed
and your son’s is empty
such unspeakable loss
unimaginable
at only 3
when everything should be possible
and beautiful
but it is dark
and night
and my heart breaks
“Good night, sweet prince!”
the infinite stars await beyond
I mourn
knowing you count the ineffable moments between now
and when you can be reunited
those moments determined not by your king
but by The King
and we wait

Singing into the Darkness

2010-10-11T19:41:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time life was simple. I was a child, and I worried about childish things, and I worried of simple things. Then, when I grew, my worries grew, and the people I loved grew, and the joys and the sorrows grew exponentially. One of the most spiritual moments of my life occurred in early spring when I took my children to stand with me in the choir room at Orem High. We stood as members of past choirs sang "Go Ye Now in Peace," the quintessential choir song that every OHS choir member learns as the ending piece of all choir concerts (ever).

I had lost my way. I had lost my light. I had lost all hope, all focus, my raison d'etre. I was floundering at sea: "Abandon all hope, for here be monsters" and there we were, standing in the room where I had met monsters, and we sang, I and a group of people I didn't know. We sang into utter darkness. The first time we sang I got through the song, but when they turned off the lights to record the song, I couldn't sing. The words swept me away, and I knew that we were singing into the darkness, and I knew why we were singing into the darkness. We were singing into the darkness to light the way, to illuminate the darkness, to remind ourselves that we create our own light because we carry our own light inside of us. God hasn't left us alone; He never leaves us alone. We sing into the darkness because we are the light under the bushel that cannot be hidden.

The past few days have been dark for me. I have been surrounded by death. My friends are walking separately through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, and the shadows seem deep and dark. On Thursday, two of my friends lost children to accidental deaths, one of an overdose, and one to a tragic car accident where her 13 year old was hit at a bus stop. A third friend lost her daughter-in-law to a long fight with cancer. I also lost a fourth former student to suicide. These events weigh heavy on my heart. Separately, they take my breath away. Together, they make me weak and weary.

On a positive note, we got a chance to enjoy a wedding, and we have a friend who has a beautiful new son. I know that everything under the sun has a purpose, and that the Lord didn't send us here to fail. I'll continue to "sing into the darkness" because of the monumental moment I had this past spring. It was a life-changing experience. While I didn't see an angel, standing there with my children was pretty close. I knew that I had come full circle, one more time. I could walk away in peace and that the Lord was "there beside me" in those little people. This weekend, I am again reminded of how lucky I am to have my little people in my life.

Go ye now in peace, my friends. Sing into your own darkness and find your joy wherever it might be.

School Starts, and I'm behind

2010-09-22T11:03:00.000-06:00

On the first day of school I thought it would be funny if I posed with John's big back-pack before I went to school. Back-packs and school. Don't they go together? I modeled my new hair cut, and then went off to school, fully intending to blog all about it.

It's been more than a month since then. I need another hair cut, even.

The kids started school. First Jack and Xandri. Jack has Mrs. Scoville in fifth grade. He's enjoying his reading. He's read his way through many books. He'll have to give you a run-down.

Xandri has Mrs. McCaman in second grade. She's also enjoying school. For a while, she was accused of being the chatty Cathy, but she tells me it was the girl next to her...

Here are some of the cute photos John snapped on the first day of school on the front porch:

Asa started kindergarten with Mrs. Champion a week later. He was SO THRILLED. Here he is with the backpack... He goes into Mrs. Champion's kindergarten class, does some paperwork, listens to a story, and then when dad leaves... He's so sad his dad has to leave him...

Max is also sad when Asa leaves. It's hard to be the solo-home buddy. After a few days, though, he gets to be OK about being the home-body.

Oh what do you do in the summer time??

2010-06-13T14:24:00.000-06:00

Since school got out, we've been off to the races, the kids and I. We've been freezing our gizzards out (it snowed a bit the last week of school), and since then it hasn't been particularly warm). We've finally hit a bit of a groove thing. We've worked out our music for the game the kids play to get their chores done, and we've got the days of the week figured out:
Mondays are for field trips
Tuesdays are for piano lessons
Wednesdays are for play dates
Thursdays are for staying in
Fridays are free days...

Here are some fun snap shots of things we've done in the past few weeks:
Mr Max looking SOOOO grown up!!

Asa scoping YOU out...

Memorial Day

Max on Day 1 of potty training (no, it is NOT going well)

Xandri has discovered she can raise 1 eyebrow... and no one else in the family (besides me) can. She's THRILLED. Dad tries, below. She's absolutely delighted.

We spend hours upon hours at track meets with Jackson... ;o)

The Track Meet

2010-05-13T11:53:00.000-06:00

Jack competed in his first track meet. It was rainy and cold, but he did really, really well.
His first competition was on the first leg of the 4x100 meter relay.

His team took second place for his age group!

His siblings were watching from the top, up by the press box...

We were at MY high school (Timpanogos), so that helped Jack feel familiar. It was rainy and cold, about 50 degrees outside. Our track coach was hosting, but Jack is training with the Pleasant Grove team because we live just half a mile from Pleasant Grove High School (which is a straight shot down the hill).

Jack's second event was the standing long jump. His first jump was 5'2".

His second jump was 4'11".

His third jump was 6'1".

There's something to be said for those long, long Phippen legs. He's actually training to do the running long jump, but he couldn't compete in that event.

His last event was the 100m.

Where he's shown here finishing 2nd...

Not bad for his very first track meet! Two second places, and an awesome long jump!

Jack's Birthday Photos

2010-05-13T11:41:00.000-06:00

Here's Jack's birthday party follow-up photos:

The cake... that we forgot to have Costco write on (yeah, that's my handwriting in "dad-frosting" last-minute).

The kids on their hike... And Mark is very disgusted with my description of a sloping hike. I'm pleading the fifth and the fact that I've never BEEN on said hike.

Birthday Jack... He was thrilled. A bit sad that only the Preston family came, but pretty excited that the hike, dinner, and cake went so well. He loved the presents and the cousins had fun, even Maddie who adored throwing rocks in the pond!

Luke, Kassidy, Max stayed behind, and Karlee (who'd sprained her ankle) stayed behind on the hike, too.

Birthday Party Invitation...

2010-05-04T13:45:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, May 8th, Jackson invites to join him for his birthday at our home. His grand scheme is to take his cousins on a brief hike up to a waterfall nearby. It's not a strenuous "hike" (more a gentle rise,) but you will want to wear tennis shoes and not flip-flops. :o) Smaller children will want to be accompanied by their dads or moms in case they "get tired" or "get scared" and need to be helped along the way. The hike is 1.2 miles round trip (.6 in and .6 out).

Jack says that the hike will begin at EXACTLY 5:10pm.

Of course, there will be chocolate cake. If you don't like chocolate cake, there will be vanilla ice cream.

Sunset is at 8:27pm.

Bedtime is WAY before that, isn't it? :o)

Please come to the house at 5pm. Cake will also be at our home after the hike. If I've missed details, I'm sure John will add them...

Jack's Utah Program

2010-05-04T09:55:00.000-06:00

Jack was in the 4th grade Utah program. John took these pictures and I thought was going to write something, but he didn't so for your viewing pleasure...

Note about Asa

2010-04-27T10:33:00.000-06:00

I meant to say...
I think the child LIVES on grumpy and air. Although I think he lies about quite a few things, too... he doesn't eat much. His funny thing is that he always says, "I don't know!" about most things. He also loves playing the computer every day, and he wants to get in "his time" every day with his dad. Okay. Enough said.

Spring has sprung

2010-04-27T10:14:00.001-06:00

It's midterm here at school, and I've finally got my laptop back from the shop. I opened up the grading program on Sunday night to do my grades, and it ate my journalism grades. So yesterday, I spent all of the day restoring them from a paper copy... while I have been doing that, plus giving CRT tests (both of which have a learning curve) the weather has been lovely! I'd much rather be outside than doing testing or grading.

Jackson has been so excited to start track. His first day was yesterday. After days and days of build up, first to find the *perfect* running shoe (a pair of kids Saucony) and then to the count down to the first day of track, we finally got to the first day of TRACK.

John has been counting down to his "fire show" at his friend's Wood Badge course. And when I say counting down, let me just tell you, days and days and days of build up to the *perfect* fire show. Sound familiar? Like father, like son? They are an awfully lot alike, perfectionistic in so many ways. There are so many rules to be followed.

Xandri is loving the spring, and she's been to her first surprise birthday party. I'm not quite sure why her friend needed a surprise party to turn 7 (or was it 8?), but they had an enormously fun time playing hair dress-up with her older sister, and painting their fingernails, and just having a late-night. Of course, she thought it was marvelous and every little girl in the neighborhood seemed to be there.

Asa has mastered the pouty-face when he doesn't get his way. He can be happy as a clam, but the second you look at him funny, he hunches his shoulders, turns on his pout, and his face clouds up. He's quite the poseur. It makes me nuts, especially at the dinner table (as I am quite sure the child lives on grumpy and air). His favorite thing is Star Wars, and he goes around singing Indiana Jones and Star Wars/John Williams theme songs. He often calls C3PO R3PO, which is really funny. It also makes him blush, and sometimes hide under his red chenille blanket.

Maxwell is the sole definition of grumpy. He has his own theme song ("The Grumpy Old Troll Who Lives Under the Bridge"--from Dora the Explorer). He has mastered the scowl and he's ADORABLE, but really, really grumpy. Sometimes, he's delightful, but mostly, he's just grumpy. Max loves Batman, Luke, and anything Asa loves.

That's THIS Phippen Phamily wrap-up for the moment...

Track

2010-04-26T18:32:00.002-06:00

Who knew track could be do hard!
But who cares!
It's not all that bad.
It still is fun.

-Jack
jackson.phippen@gmail.com

What a Day

2010-04-22T20:21:00.002-06:00

What a Day!
It was such a nice day today!
I loved it.
-Jack

Great a Storm

2010-04-20T18:30:00.002-06:00

I wish it doesn't storm tomorrow. Right after the nice weather. This sucks.
I hate rain. It's stupid. (sigh) Oh well.
-Jack

Flat Stanley, afterthoughts

2010-04-20T15:59:00.000-06:00

What I learned from Flat Stanley, a rant:

1. Children learn nothing when they don't do the project themselves.
2. Teachers don't care much, either, as evidenced by the fact that neither Xandri nor her teacher bothered to read all letters that were returned.
3. Xandri had no idea when the project was due, nor did she really care. She is 7.
4. One letter was just as good as two. However, there are 7 days in a week.
5. Doing something well and doing something very well only matter if you care, because no one else does. Keep your own score.
6. Xandri's teacher doesn't actually read all of her email because I never did get my password for grades.
7. Word Perfect is a superlative product to OpenOffice.
8. Word Perfect X4 does not print with Windows 7.
9. Word is not included with Windows 7. Windows is a racket. Damn you, Bill Gates.
10. Flat Stanley is a project for others, not a suitable homework assignment for first graders.

The end.

Flat Stanley

2010-04-20T12:11:00.003-06:00

I have just completed a HUGE Flat Stanley project at school. Flat Stanley went to visit Grandma Phippen in Salt Lake; Aunt Barbara printed him and sent him home with Grandma Max in Canada, and today I took a Flat Stanley adventure to school. My mom was the first one to send Flat Stanley on Facebook.

~ From Xandri

For those of you who haven't noticed...

2010-04-20T11:52:00.000-06:00

Jack has begged for a blog... so I set him loose on mine. The blog's title will now change. I'm going to rename it so it will best represent that it's coming from the two of us. I guess it's now Jack and Jill who are speaking and not just the Queen who has Spoken, since Jack is doing most of the talking. Wow. You give a kid a bit, and he starts chatting up a storm! Perhaps I should have given him his own blog!

:o)

Another School Day

2010-04-20T08:03:00.002-06:00

Great it's anonther school day. (sigh)
I wish I have a little more fun at school.
But who cares, right?
Oh well.
-Jack

Finnaly

2010-04-19T19:21:00.001-06:00

I've FINNALY gotten track shoes!
There pretty good.
I can't wait for track to start!
-Jack

Ops!

2010-04-18T14:40:00.001-06:00

Sorry everyone! My countdown was on the wrong date. But my party is still on the 8th.
-jack

16 days!

2010-04-18T10:22:00.002-06:00

16 Days til my B-day! Lets celebrate! The pary is going to be on the 8th of May!
See you all there!

-Jack

I CAN'T WAIT Til Tomorow !

2010-04-18T10:15:00.003-06:00

I can't wait til tomorow because I get to go buy TRACK-SHOES!!!
It's going to be so fun!
-Jack

Everyone's a Comedian!

2010-03-17T00:01:00.000-06:00

Tonight's adventures involved "mom mac-n-cheese" and a funny dinner discussion... which started when Asa, age 4, decided he'd tell me a joke.

"Mama, why did the pineapple cross the road?" he asked.
"I dunno," I replied, "Why did he cross the road?" (Of course, all 4 year old pineapples are male, right?)
"He was thirsty," Asa replied.
"Ah," I said, and Xandri thought this joke was hugely hilarious, mostly because it was not funny in the slightest. SHE had a funny joke however.

"Mom, Why was the cat afraid of the tree?" she asked.
"Hmmm," I said, thinking she looked awfully funny as she sat with her head tilted to the right, her blonde bob tucked behind her ear. "Why was the cat afraid of the tree?"
"She was afraid of the BARK!" Xandri's voice raised into a squeaky giggle. "You see Mama, a tree's skin stuff is called bark. You know, the stuff on the outside?"
"Yeah, I knew that." I said.
"Mom!" Max said. "Look ah me!" He's now 2 and a half years old exactly (in 2 weeks). He held a piece of pizza in one hand and had a plate of mom mac-n-cheese near his other. He tilted his head to his right and repeated, squinting his eye exactly as Xandri had and repeated with exactly the same phrasing she had used and said, "Cat afraid BARK!" and then he fake giggled "Tree!" Everyone around the table laughed very loudly, and he thought he'd told the funniest joke of all. He didn't realize he'd been the joke, and that was probably best.

Jack, in his very wise, almost-10, way, said, "I know a joke!"
"What did the aliens have at the mall?" I, of course, had no idea. The punch line? "Clothes encounters of the first kind." He had two funny ones about skeletons, and a funny one about an elephant and a charge card... but I don't want to spoil Jack's jokes, so that when you see him next, he can tell you himself!

It was a fun night, and they all got brushed, polished, cleaned up, and in bed. We had a nice dinner and good time together.

Adjustments

2010-03-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

Now that John has been a full-time dad for two full weeks, we've had some adjustments. Asa and Max have had some schedule changes to work around. No more day care/pre-school. That's kinda weird. I know Asa doesn't eat as much food as he used to. I also know Max doesn't sleep as much as he is used to. He gets to bed time, and he is uber-super-maximum whiny. Dinner-times are very painful when he's so whiny. He's even had to skip dinner all-together and simply go to bed because he's just too tired.

On the plus side, John's office is spic-n-span. On the negative side, I know it's because there's no work to be done in it. Asa does "help" in there in the afternoons while Max is napping. Ace does some work in pre-school workbooks while Max is napping. They also adore watching Dora/Boots/Diego.

John's completely caught up on laundry, dishes, etc. I lost my keys for three days. I had put them on a higher shelf than normal. To find them, we scoured the bedroom looking for them. When I say "we," I mean John. He scoured while I cried after an after school "pep" talk with my supervising principal. It went so well I cried for the entire evening and the rest of the next morning.

To say I'm stressed is to put that in the mildest form possible. I've had a migraine that's now lasted since Tuesday. I took my first shot on Tuesday before I went to bed. I woke up with it on Wednesday morning. It's pounding as I type now. These kinds of migraines definitely affect my life, and even my skin hurts. I can't hardly sleep, and I'm definitely not eating. To say I'm my mother's daughter is putting it mildly. John says that perhaps in a week or two they will know if his company will have another investor, so perhaps they will start back to work; if they don't get another investor, they may never start back to work again, and the company will just fold and we'll never see the money they owe us. That will be really, really hard. Of course, my friends all say that we should sue the company. Then we'd be out the court costs on top of the money they owe us. More money wasted. Stress upon stress. How many sick children did we have at our house this week? I didn't even count? Did I help? Even once?

I walk through the house in a blur, in a blank; I find that even simple things, bills, letters, shopping, things I used to do as a matter of course, terrify me. Where will we find money for them? There isn't any money for any of it. Buying groceries, going to Costco, buying gasoline, all of it is so expensive. I cringe just thinking of it. I think I'll go cry some more. I won't help one bit. I won't feel better after, either. However, I have a migraine. Sometimes, that's just what happens.

Reagonomics

2010-03-03T15:27:00.000-07:00

Today, while I was on my way to Wendy's to get a dollar menu salad and drink, I heard an interesting use of the word "Reaganomics." It turns out, there's a campaign to remove Ulysses S. Grant from the fifty dollar bill. Instead, Ronald Reagan might soon appear on the fifty instead.

However, I have no idea when I might see a fifty any time soon. Jack would love to go see Percy Jackson and the Olympians which I have promised and promised we'd go see as soon as dad got paid... hahahahaha. I guess we'll just have to go see it anyway, since payday seems to have been given up for Lent. Movies, etc. are hard to forgo when you are a kid.

There are other things that are hard to explain to the kids. For example, when I brought Asa home on Friday, he asked me several times, "Why come it's my last day at school?" (I love that he doesn't use "How come." Everything is "Why come" or "Why this" not why not? It's so very four-years-old.) Asa asked again at home, and I had explained that preschool was very expensive, and he seemed to understand expensive, but he doesn't understand money, so that part is hard. He also doesn't like being trapped at home with his tyrant of a brother, Max, who doesn't mind being home with Asa.

Of course, there's tremendous guilt on both sides from the two daycare providers. I don't dare go inside the daycare center to get Asa's stuff. The daycare girls told me to wait a week and they'd finish up Asa's portfolio. I have gotten 2 emails (both sad) from them about how much they miss Asa's cute face, and one from Max's provider about how much the kids miss Max... and it's only Wednesday!! I also had guilt from the money-lady about how cash-strapped their program is!

All change is hard, and the boys are loving being home with their dad. Yesterday, they spent the day "inventing" with their dad and uncle Sam. Sam is working on something that delivers paint evenly, and the boys were tag-alongs for a project at the Home-Despot (where they love to steal your money for all home necessities). They are spending good times together, and as long as they don't spend every spare moment fighting, it will be OK. Now... we'll just have to see if we can scrounge up some Grants to get us through. I wonder if Congress will really vote to change his face to Reagan. I doubt it. Wasn't he a Republican?

Flat Stanley Visits for Adventures with Mothering

2010-03-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

Today, Jen posted on Facebook that she was looking for someone with extra food for dinner. I thought that was really funny because I was cooking on a game called "Cafe World" which is really, really funny because I don't cook at all "in real life" because I mess food up so much so my children won't eat it. The only thing I cook that they will eat (except Asa) is "mom" macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, IchiBan soup, peanut butter sandwiches, rice & soup, chicken noodle soup, and flautas. Asa lives on air and water. Max, on the other hand, will eat anything.

John made my grandmother JJ's goulash (which my mother always called red macaroni.) I can cook it, and volunteered, but John overheard me and rescued *everyone* from certain culinary mayhem by doing so before leaving for scouts.

We set the table, and Max wanted to chow down. We did wait until Jen arrived.

Here's Xan post-piano lessons. She is learning 2 new songs and still practicing her Christmas pieces. Her best skill includes playing by ear, complete rote memorization, and mimicry in the finest presentation. She does play at least a half-an-hour every day, and she often practices twice a day. While she loves playing, I often wish she'd work on theory as much as her younger brother, Asa. Ace has mastered note spelling, and he's actually quite good with Mischelea, the piano teacher. For being only 4 years old, he's a good little pianist.

Jackson gets a bit frustrated with piano on some days because he'd love to play the piano perfectly on the first time through, but when he can play the song to perfection, no one is more proud. :o)

Flat Stanley also came to visit, all the way from Rochester. My niece Kahri is reading his book and sent him to visit my sister Jen, so he's come (via her diaper bag) to visit. Here he is sharing Grandma's Goulash...

Extreme CLOSE-UP

The kids declared today's adventure a GOOD one. YAY. Go me! So glad my sister suggested it. SO glad John cooked! It was MUCH better than Taco Tuesday. Now, who invented Mustache March?!

Scout Mama Minute

2010-03-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday was the Blue and Gold Banquet. Why has it taken me a week to get the pictures and the write-up, you ask? Well, it was migraine weekend, and then my computer cord broke. I did get the pictures uploaded to Facebook, so those of you who have Facebook did get to see them there. But the PRIMARY reason was: O.L.Y.M.P.I.C.!!

We have been OLYMPIC watching at our house. Of course, now that the closing ceremony has happened, let real life commence. We'll all get back to our regularly scheduled lives. However, it was great while it lasted, and during our evenings after we scooted the children off to bed, John and I did more sport watching in 2 weeks than we will do in the next 2 years. This 2 weeks was winter. Next 2 years, it will be summer. We only know anything about Olympic sports.

And now, back to the only OTHER thing we know anything about: Scouting.

Jack received his Bear award. Sorry you missed it.

It looks like this:

Based on the picture, you can also see he got a really great centennial patch, another beltloop, and a volleyball pin. As soon as he sees Grandma Max, he'll be yammering at her to sew him Bear patch on his shirt. Beware.

Here we are, John and I, being pinned:

The big surprise of the night was a present of PINEWOOD DERBY cars...

Asa was more thrilled than Jack. Of course.

Now we need to get cars for EVERYONE... and go to Grandpa Phippen's to cut them out again. Hopefully cars for everyone can be squeezed into the budget. I guess I'll have to google how expensive THAT is. When is pay day again?! April 21 is the magic race day...

Pizza was the dinner for the evening, and my favorite picture was when Max prayed. It was SO cute, I made him pose for it again:

The day wouldn't be complete without a Xandri picture, so here she is. She has a great one, and then a silly one:

I actually like the SILLY one better. :o) That's just ME.

Jack, the Indoor Soccer Player

2010-03-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

Recently, Jack has been playing on an indoor soccer team. He's been playing with the boys in our ward, coached by Brother Woodhouse. Here are some shots taken at his last game: (Which they WON!)

Jack, the speed demon (He really IS fast, and is campaigning to run track.)

Alyxandria (who is thrilled to be along as specator)

Action-Adventure shot (Look, I really DID play!)

Another shot... with odd focus, but more proof of playing.

Jack has also scored a goal against a real goalie, which is an accomplishment considering we're not sure everyone on the team they played for that game was actually the correctly stated age. :o) Let us just say in the interest of political correctness that the team was Hispanic, and their birth dates were not all in the American system of dating. :o) Some of them were awfully large 10 year olds.

It has been really fun for Jack, and after being away from soccer for 2 years, he's even more excited for track season to start! ;o)

Baby Soggy Toes

2010-03-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

Some Sundays are lazy, and some Sundays are long... and some Sundays are full of fun and games. Last Sunday, I couldn't get Max out of the tub. In fact, we might have been able to make Max punch out of the tub water, because we certainly had baby pruney-toes when he was done. The only way I could get him out of the tub was to promise I would take a picture... and this is the resultant photo shoot:

What a ham this kid is!! Do you need a slightly used, mostly tyrannical 2 year old? I'm sure John would love some help during the day. He requires Star Wars Lego, a Dora DVD, a Nuby Sippy cup with some apple juice, and for you to follow his every whim. Other than that, he's really, really easy to get along with.

Being the Grown-up

2010-03-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get tired of being a grown-up. It'd be really great to go back to being a kid, when summers seemed to last forever, sleeping in was the best thing ever, and I only had to worry that my mom would get mad if I didn't go to school, versus getting a substitute, having John rush to school to rescue my video from a locked cabinet, and who would stay with the kids while someone did the kid run...

Yesterday I was sick, so it required quite a bit of maneuvering. I have a staph infection for the second time in 8 weeks. I hate being a diabetic because an infection requires a whole lot more than just an antibiotic. I also have to get a shot, sleep more, etc. Of course, I couldn't sleep last night, still have the fever, headache, nausea, etc, but had to work today, because who else is going to be me? My students were delighted to see me back, and they also wanted to continue to read Shakespeare for the rest of the year. I thought, are you KIDDING me? I don't want to read Shakespeare for the rest of the year! That's my definition of forever!

Asa, Max and John were off today doing an "experiment" at Home Depot. I am not sure what that means... but I'm a *bit* worried. Since John is now the stay at home dad, he'll have more of these moments, and I guess... so will I. Did I mention how much I hate being a grown-up? Asa is still very much confused about the schedule. He asked me, again, "Why come I not go to school anymore?" Oh, how I hate being the grown-up! Let's just all sleep in tomorrow!

Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

Valentine's Day turned out to be MUCH more exciting than I thought it would be. John went all out! He doorbell ditched the kids, leaving small Lego cars for the boys (that he helped put together after his Sunday meeting), and Littlest Pet Shop gifts for Xandri and I. He got Xandri a Princess Peacock, and me a... FLAMINGO, of course.

Here we are with our treasures:

Xanadu opened both mine and hers, because we didn't realize that one of them was mine. She got an extra hour of play time in with both of them. Hers is darling... it has a tiny crown and everything.

Here's mine. I wish I could explain what I find so incredibly delightful about flamingos, aside from their color and their absurdity... but I can't, so I won't.

Maxwell loves Lego, and he calls EVERYTHING his "guy." Max calls all real Lego minifigures are called "Luke" because he adores Starwars. He also is constantly looking for hats for them, biting the heads off the minifigures, biting the hands off of them, losing the heads, hats, hands, guns, etc., and then endlessly complaining that they are missing any of the aforementioned heads, hats, hands, etc. It's hard to be two, but it's harder to live with someone who is two. Here's photos of Max demonstrating "Luke"--who is trying to ride in his new Valentine's car:

Here Luke is very crusty because he's also ridden inside the bun from the picture before.

Asa was thrilled with his car.

And Jack...

...helped set the table, make the special clam chowder, and put his own car together. I also helped put his stickers on his car. That's what happens when you're the oldest. Note how carefully the table is red & white and Valentiney.

John got special gifts at his friend Ben Behunin's, who is a potter (and author). These two bowls were purchased near Christmas (and cleverly with cash so I wouldn't know what they cost, which is good because I'm starting to freak about not having any money). Here they are in all their glory.
Front and backs:

Sunday at the Phippen's...

2010-02-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

You'd think Sunday was contagious at the Phippens by how often someone is sick. I guess with six people, someone is bound to be ill, but still. On Sunday morning, John was off on a service project where he and the young men and women went to work at the training center, so when Asa and Max woke up ill, Xandri and Jack were on their own for sacrament meeting. Jackson was so sweet: he volunteered first to go to the Carvers, and then his solution was to walk the "safe" way to the church.

When John came home, I joined Jack and Xan at church. They had found 2 seats at the back of the chapel were quiet. They are so great when it comes to going to church and have practice when I've been sick.

Max definitely didn't feel good on Saturday, Sunday or Monday. Take a look for yourself:

This was as I was trying to convince him to come to the dinner table.

I got his attention...

He's a total ham. He HAD to look at the camera:

Isn't he so cute? Even when he's weeping?

Here's what we coerced Max to the table for... lovely chicken, carrots, baked potatoes, peas, broccoli, and cheese sauce. It was so yummy!

Sunday at our house is pretty great. Come any time.

Bloody week!

2010-02-08T21:33:00.000-07:00

Xandri experienced slamming her finger int he door for the first time this week. On Wednesday, only one day after her piano lesson, Xan managed to catch her THUMB in the door of her dad's car after school. I came home to a blotchy-faced lady, curled on the couch, ice-packed, Dora-watching, and quite exhausted from prolonged crying.

Having slammed my own fingers in my share of doors, I am well aware of the pain of catching a finger in the door. I grew up in the time of steel cars that outweigh small whales. The car we owned when I was a kid was a green station wagon instead of a white Toyota.

Asa, on the other hand, has had a bloody nose and woken up several times with a bloody nose several times this week. His dad often takes photos and leaves them on the camera to make me laugh... here's this week's offering:

You would be correct to assume that's a band-aid under his nose... which was removed (I was assured) under his photo-shoot. Rolling my eyes here (after a quick giggle).

Being a Mom

2010-02-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

There are times when it's easier to be a mom than when it's not. The easy times are for playing FishVille, movie nights, watching episodes of Phineas and Ferb, and giving baths. The hard times are piano practicing, dinner times when you can't convince Asa to eat anything, endless repetition of the same episode of "Boots," Xandri telling you that she didn't do her math, or that she needs to read a book, or that she has lost her home reading book, all after the magic number of 8 pm when she's in her jammies and supposed to be in bed...

Of course these always happen on my Adventures in Mothering nights. These rarely happen on the nights when John is home. Magically, when John is home, the children behave like angels. Jack and Max retire to their room (where Jack seems to magically confine Max to his bed, I think). There isn't sound proofing in the floor, so I know he doesn't hog-tie him, and there's no seat belt... Max does seem to quickly drop off to sleep. Now, in Asa and Xandri's room, it takes much, much longer for sleep to happen, which means it never happens anywhere near 8pm.

All in all, I must say that if there were awards for mothering, I won't be getting any. However, I think I should be going to rewards for piano playing, room cleaning, dinner-eating, and homework-performing. I think I'd get somewhere. I was investigating what was in the bottom of my closet this morning looking for my shoes (to match my clothes, you know), and I found a red cowboy hat that I thought would look ideal on Asa's head, and some Tinker Bell stickers that I thought Xandri might like... Bribery I think might work. I might go looking for what else I have stashed in the closet. I think there's another book in there for Xan and I remember buying Cars stickers for Asa. 7 days of piano lessons for both of them a week...

Alyxandria Pyper

2010-01-31T21:35:00.000-07:00

Once Upon A Time... there was a princess who turned 7 and had 7 little girls over for a party and that's all she asked for as a present. They watched Barbie's Thumbelina, made bracelets (where there weren't enough letters to spell everyone's name properly), and put frosting on cupcakes. They got frosting all over themselves, wiped it off with baby wipes, and used lots of cup cake sprinkles.

Things a mama learns at a party:
1. All 7 year old girls are not alike.
2. Some little girls like parrots. That is a universal mystery to all mothers.
3. Some little girls like to make necklaces instead of bracelets.
4. Some little girls want to make necklaces and bracelets.
5. Some little girls want to make neither bracelets nor necklaces.
6. Little girls scream. A lot.
7. Little girls ask you if you think they are the teacher if you call them "Miss Cambri." They also think you are silly.
8. Little girls like to chase each other and play tag at least as much as little boys.
9. Little girls are just as mean as little boys, perhaps more so.
10. My little girl is easily embarrassed, and very silly. She reminds me a lot of me.

Her favorite gift was the MAKE UP that the mom from up the street gave her. Remind me to tell the mom she's a gem. ;o)

It was a lovely party, and Xandri was thrilled that we actually bought her a present, too. Max tried to poke his fingers into her cinnamon rolls and he tried to touch the flames on her candles and blow them out before she got a chance at that. He's so much fun at two that I've decided he should stop being two now and move along to three. I'm done with the terribles, now.

Happy Birthday, Xanadu! She's no longer Xandria-Popper-Thippen!! She's all grown up! She's taking her favorite Little Debbie pink Valentine snack-cakes to school for her sharing treat. Having a birthday during the school year means you get to celebrate it for several days in a row. We're having the family over for Family Home Evening cake and ice cream. Let them all eat cake!

It's Green!

2010-01-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had a hard time sleeping and as I was driving to school, the roads were slick and the snow was dry, powdery, and teeny, tiny shards of snow at 6:59am. As I pulled into the parking lot, I realized that my car still had its full-sized spare-tire on it (I thought John had switched it out when he'd registered the car). So, after school, Max and I went over to Discount Tire to had them rotate the tires.

Imagine my surprise when he told me that the tire I wanted them to fix had been purchased in 2003! WOW! That's an OLD tire! So, we bought a new one... but there was another bald tire that had been bought in 2004, so we bought a set. Talk about bargain me. I like to get the most out of a set of tires. Not only that, but I got MILEAGE back on them! I hadn't driven all the miles on them I'd been alloted. Wow. So, while Max and I waited (and I worried that there were 3 Discount Tire employees and 2 of us -- and I hoped they wouldn't go out of business), they rotated our tires, and Max and I touched the "wheels." They were pokey. Max was astounded and wandered around pretending/posing to be surprised.

Now, you should know, Max only "knows" one color. In Max's world, everything is green. It's not because he knows the color green. He has no idea what color green is. He loves to say the word green. Everything is green. Everything we looked at was green. For a half an hour, we wandered around, and we discussed tires. We discussed the BLACK tires. We discussed that they smelled of RUB-ber. BLACK. Rubber. What color are tiress, Max? Green? What do tires smell like, Max? Green. SIGH.

By the time we got home, I had given up. When his dad asked him what we had done, he said, "We looked a WHEELS.
I thought, "Hey! We did!"
His dad asked him, "How was it?"
He said, "They were BLACK."
I thought, "Yeah! They WERE!"
His dad said, "Wow! That's great!"
I said, "What did they smell like?"
Max said, "Rubber!"
I said, "What do you want to do next?"
He said, "Watch Chewbacca!"
I said, "OK! What color is he?"
He said, "Green."

Adventures at Pack Meeting

2010-01-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight's Adventures in Motherhood took place at Pack Meeting, which was full of adventure because Jack earned his last red bead (and belt loops and his Bear patch!) He also made a fantastic dinosaur... which got smashed by another boy during a hugely exciting cheer.

So... we got a before the cheer picture as he was getting his awards:

And an after the event photo in bits and pieces...
And then some photos so you can get the true flavor of the event

Silly Xandri.
Asa walking like a penguin

Max complaining that we were leaving without his dad (who still was at scouts).

Xandri's Birthday

2010-01-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

Xandri will turn seven on Saturday. It seems virtually impossible to believe that she'll be seven... As Jean Val-Jean's song says, "How soon they fly/on and on. And I am old!" And so is she.

Her birthday invitations are so very chic (and very adult looking). Purpley-blue (and they sort of have X's on them in the foil--if you squint). She's having a party with seven friends, where they come and watch a movie, make a bracelet, have cake, and then go home. It will be like her friend Maddy's Christmas party (but they made gingerbread houses).

I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. My students are preparing for the biggest state test of the year which happens next week. It's a high stakes test because if they don't pass it, they get a diploma that says they are incompetent. We have another test at the end of the year that also measures annual yearly progress, too. While they are both bubble tests, only this one next week is required for graduation. They've been preparing for it for 7 years. They do get five chances to pass it (and it is only on an eighth grade competency level).

Well, it's almost time to go to school. It snowed last night. The roads are covered, "These woods are lovely dark and deep/and I have promises to keep/and miles to go before I sleep" So I must be off. It's Tuesday, so I'll be having adventures in mothering tonight while John is off to scouts. More on that later. :o)

Time Does Not Bring Relief

2010-01-21T12:01:00.000-07:00

As the week swings to a close a work, I've been battling a migraine all along. I'm now entering into day 6... and a colleague and I were discussing poetry yesterday at work. We were also discussing how we are dealing with cut-backs, the upcoming Basic Skills Test, her retirement, student teaching, and a variety of changes that we've seen. One of the things we did experience together was the death of my brother and the suicide of her son within the same year. Her student teacher's mother is dying of terminal cancer. Death, it seems, while universal, and unifying, brings me to my knees. My colleague has better perspective.

In our department, we've used the PoetryOutLoud.org website. She shared with me this poem, by Edna St.Vincent Millay today. It takes my breath away, as so much poetry does, because it encapsulates exactly the way I feel about Dave's death. In so many ways, because I know I am never, ever going to get over it. Dave is my first child, the child I try to teach, save, reach every time I come to work. The child I want to say no to drugs. The young kid in the obituaries every time I open them up. He's always going to be twenty-four for me. Frozen, there in time. To find that someone else had this same experience, this same feeling, this same knot in their core was actually liberating for me. That she had written it so well was beautiful, too. Four years.

TIME DOES NOT BRING RELIEF: YOU ALL HAVE LIED

POEM VIEWS: 11506

Born in Rockland, Maine, Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950) as a teenager entered a national poetry contest sponsored by The
. . . MORE »

BY EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied

Who told me time would ease me of my pain!

I miss him in the weeping of the rain;

I want him at the shrinking of the tide;

The old snows melt from every mountain-side,

And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane;

But last year’s bitter loving must remain

Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.

There are a hundred places where I fear

To go,—so with his memory they brim.

And entering with relief some quiet place

Where never fell his foot or shone his face

I say, “There is no memory of him here!”

And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

Too Bluuuue

2010-01-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

When we bought our new house, I knew one of the things I didn't like about our house was the color of the paint in my bedroom. It was an olive green, and I don't love the color green. As the year has gone on, I have done a lot of thinking about the color, and I had decided to paint the room. I knew I should paint the room gray, but somehow, I thought it would be OK if I painted it a very light blue. Boy, was I wrong.

Over Christmas break, John helped me pick a very light blue from the Pittsburg paint book, and we hired our favorite handyman Bryan to paint. Since there isn't anything Bryan can't do, he started straight away, and painted the ceilings to match the existing paint color the off-white color of the rest of the house (getting rid of the olive-drab color that was actually quite dark). He knocked out the whole of the bedroom in 2 days. It shocked John and I how dark the bedroom was. What shocked us even more was how "blue-blue-blue" the paint was I had chosen.

Bryan called the blue "nursery" blue. He said that I didn't pay him to like the color (which was his way of saying he didn't like the color, which was just short of his way of saying he hated the color.) I don't hate the color, but there's so much of the color. I love the color, as it's Tiffany-box blue, but imagine 500 square feet of it! Imagine an entire room of it! Imagine bathing in it...

When Bryan was cleaning up the bedroom, we had agreed that he would paint the bathroom white, I thought, so when I walked into the bathroom last night at 2am, and flipped the light on, imagine my surprise to find that the new paint (now dry) was... BLUE! ACK! Not a dream. My heart, now beating a bit faster... Check again. Yep: Still blue. Hope Bryan will be back again, with white paint...

End of the Term...

2010-01-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

Off with the old, and on with the new... It's the new term at school, and grades are due in the morning. For me, that means I've been grading last-minute redemption assignments from students and fielding phone calls from parents, emails from students, meetings with administrators (and counselors) trying to help kids pass second quarter. That (theoretically) ends tomorrow morning when grades are uploaded. I am giving a handful (one handful) of incompletes, which will have to be changed, but a manageable amount for me and the registrar. One hates to extend that deadline too far, or the natives get restless, and let's face it... there's got to be a deadline somewhere. Most of my students are sophomores, so that deadline is still off in that sunset, a bit, though.

There was a bit of a glitch today, with the new semester, when I couldn't get the grades to print. I had to get John to come get Asa and fetch Max. I worked on getting grades to print for an extra hour, set up the entire new set of grades, and then came home and worked on printing... all to no avail. Finally when I remembered an old issue we had (way back when--maybe four years ago, perhaps even longer... you know you've taught a long time when you start remembering and trying old fixes for issues!) I just started to randomly try old fixes for the printing issue. Low and behold, one of them worked. I could have kissed the printer I was so happy to find a relatively low-tech fix for a troublesome problem.

By then, it was almost 7 pm. I was glad I'd taken the hour after work to sit with the boys and watch the "bishes" on Facebook with Asa and Max. They adore "Fishville" on Facebook. I don't know if it's just because they can watch it, or because it's there, but they enjoy watching the "bishies." Max, especially. He's also interested in the animals on any farm, island, or animal game. He's endlessly fascinated. We toured many an island on "Island Paradise" this evening. He's spot on for "goat," "chicken," "sheep," "peacock," but "turtle" is a bit difficult for him. He also sticks his tongue out and spits for turtle, which is quite a charming thing. I don't quite know why that is the sound for turtle. He's delighted with the sound a goat makes. He wanted me to repeatedly goose the goat. That was his favorite; and pop the bubbles in the "bishes."Asa just wants to make sure I kill the fishes so we can scoop them out. Xandri is endlessly disappointed that she never gets to see a dead fish... To each his own, I suppose. I'm just grateful we don't have to actually *own* all of these animals.

After we'd determined to eat "mom" macaroni-n-cheese (which is *not* macaroni-n-cheese from a box) we ate grilled cheese sandwiches (don't ask me how these things happen) and then the kids had a half an hour to play with the wii, make a huge mess of their bedrooms, half-heartedly clean it up, and then make me cross. After they got in the pajamas, they went to bed, and I can now hear their father saying good night now that he's home from scouts, and my adventure in motherhood is now done! Another Tuesday night survived. Whew!

Baby-No-Name

2010-01-06T15:48:00.000-07:00

He has arrived!

At 2:26 pm, 5 January 2010, weighing 7 pounds 6 ounces, and 19 inches long.

He looks much like his brother Seth.

I wish I had taken a picture of him wearing his hat... so that these pictures could have been a true comparison... :o) Please note that although Asa abd Seth look mighty alike (and do often pass for brothers) Seth and his bambino brother have the same nose, the same chin, and I even managed to capture a shot where they had a similar squint, but of course that was completely accidental.

No name has been chosen for this newest Johnson, so stay tuned. Much debate is going on about what his name SHOULD or should NOT be. Blah, blah. :o) Glad I don't have to do that anymore. Having named my children unpopular names with even more unpopular spellings, I am glad to be out of that business altogether.

As for the rest, here's a couple more pictures from my late night photoshoot. Sorry you missed the new-baby smell. As you are well aware, it's fleeting.

In the final musings of crazy women, we voted that "he" (in the interest of calling him something, we shall call him "buddy" here on out, shall have blue eyes today, looks *exactly* like Seth (whom Seth calls Junior Alan Johnson,) and is the quietest baby ever and is the most perfect baby on the planet. Thanks for listening. We appreciate your cooperation in our madness.

Buddy will be available for viewing in his own home sometime after noon on Thursday if you arrive with a re-heatable meal, fully prepared to do a load of laundry, and some light cleaning.

New Year... Old Year... DANCE BREAK!

2010-01-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

With the new year, I have found that people start to focus on dichotomies: new/old, black/whites, studying the contrasts in the darks and lights in the chiaroschiros of our lives happening most often between the highs of the Decembers of our Christmases and the lows of the take-the-trees-down-days of the January doldrums. These in-between days often feel sluggish; they have days of nothing-much-to celebrate; no where to rush. No planned parties. No rules for taking down the decorations. There's no green, red, and white decorating rule. No one to complain if you say "Season's Greetings" and "Happy Holidays" versus "Merry Christmas" because... It's January, instead of December.

On TV, they're hawking StairMasters, Nutri-System promises their food tastes great, and Alton Brown has a special about how he got looking gaunt (seriously, I thought he was hiding cancer. I honestly thought he was ill instead of fit!) Every prime time show is in re-run; no more Christmas specials... And honestly, January is downright dull. There's a sea of fog, smog, and chill in the valley, and clearance in the stores. They haven't quite cleared out the Christmas stuff, and the Valentine's red-white-and-pink hasn't fluffed up the aisle quite yet. Resolution time.

My friend Mae says it's time for a dance break. I quite agree. Marky-Mark and his funky bunch came sledding on New Year's Day. They took a break, slid down my hill, just took the time to kick it a bit. Jen and Joe took a minute to enjoy the slopes a bit, too. Just a break. Aunt Anna Widerberg and her kids came too, but I didn't get a shot of them. I'd gone home and got a picture of Max, hanging at home with his dad...

Maybe that's all anyone needs: a chance to take a header down a lovely slope on a nice winter day: it was 45 degrees outside (we didn't even NEED coats!)

They say it might rain today... get rid of some of this valley smog, fog, etc. Won't that be lovely?

The Post-it Note Gene...

2010-01-02T12:55:00.000-07:00

My father is certain that all of my blog posts go out to Facebook, but here's how my blog works: only seven of you actually read the blog: John, Jack, Ivie, Max, Dad, Joan, Steph, Barbara. Everyone else has to actually click to read, so that means no one else really reads it. It's set to private and it forwards to email and then anyone who's subscribed can read and I update it every day so that the grandparents and the family can read it. I really write it for John and Jack. I keep meaning to have it published, but I haven't done it yet. Originally, I set it up so that it would go to my grandparents in Canada so that they'd get it every day and then they'd know what was going on, and then Jack had such a good time that I started to write it every day just to entertain Jack. Back to the Post-it Notes.

I'd be surprised if you didn't know most of my best posts start in the shower... but they do. While I was in the shower today, I was thinking about what I store on Post-it notes, and other random pieces of paper. When I was growing up, my father was absolutely at odds and ends if he didn't have a pad and a piece of paper (and they always had a drug name from a drug company on them. He had entire cupboards of pads and pens dedicated to supplies of pens and pads). At my house, they are Post-it name brands, and they are cute. And I write down snip-its of what I want to remember, and then I store it "somewhere." Anything important, I have written somewhere. If it happened, I have it written it down. Then, I have copied it, and stored it. Then I have saved it again on a computer, and on a hard-drive, and then usually on an iPod because I will have killed that computer.

In fact, I've been thinking about the way I keep memories, and the way I keep bits and bobs of things. I never finish off anything completely. I almost never finish anything completely. I leave the last chocolate for later, so I can really enjoy that... and then it goes stale. Last piece of gum, stale. Last bit of perfume? Last bit of lip gloss? Seeing a pattern? A lot of the last something goes bad so that I can get around to it later, and then I never get back to it. I look around me, especially the really wonderful things, and have often thought "I wish I had known that was the Last Time I Was Going to Do That. I'd Have Really Enjoyed That." and I have decided to try to enjoy things more like the are the Last Time. In fact, that's my New Year's Resolution. I hope that's why you'll be enjoying more pictures on the blog this year.

As I was standing in the shower, I went through the steel trap I keep in my head. Lately, I've been noticing that the steel trap that's the filing cabinet in my head is Really, Really Rusty. It's got some annoying missing teeth, and some gaps, too. I'm getting more used to that, but I have the assurance that when I want to find a file in the cabinet, like what it was like to vacuum first carpet I ever bought in the first carpet I ever bought in the first house I ever bought for the first time, the memory is there with the smell and the sound of the hum of the vacuum and it's there on top of the feeling of standing in the enormous house on the enormous mountain and it's compounded with the years and years it takes to get here. The best part about the filing cabinet I keep in the post-it note in my head is that the post-it notes are really big, and they can be endlessly rearranged.

Anyway, that's my New Year's Resolution, to be less of a wet blanket (because I'm really good at setting up activities, and really bad at enjoying them) and trying harder to "Seize the Day" and enjoy them. I'm much better at throttling the days... Working on it.

I Cry the Day I Take the Tree Down... No I Don't!

2010-01-01T00:48:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. I don't usually have a hard time writing. I've tried writing this same blog post all night long, and it's New Year's Eve, so it really IS a long night, one of the longest of the year.

I must say, I am the most nostalgic of my siblings, but we all have butter-soft hearts. We are big 'ole softies when it comes to Christmas, and we love reminiscing about the past. We have soft spots about Christmas, and we love all things Christmas. I think we all listen to the same Christmas music. We have all the same Christmas CD's. We have similar taste in Christmas lights (I think we all use white Christmas lights--not sure about Sarah since it's been a while since I've dropped by to see her tree, in ROCHESTER!) However, I have it on good authority that I'm currently the only one using "vintage" Christmas ornaments. Schenny-Penny has some that she collected from our childhood on her "Barbie Tree" but they are not currently on display (not since the great "Barbie Tree Massacre").

Growing up, we had real trees, and we set them up the day after Thanksgiving which meant that they were fire-hazards and often came down on Boxing Day except for the famous Christmas day, except for the famous fire of Christmas Day. My John has had the firm rule that the tree stayed up until Epiphany, and we have never decorated the tree before Advent Sunday in our married life... but in our new house the "rules" have changed a bit... and traditions change a bit as children change and needs change. Our lives have changed as my health has made what I do changes, too. This year, I did Christmas in our new house almost exactly as I did nineteen years ago when my parents moved into their house across town... and the nostalgia was thick, especially as my brother Mark moved the grandfather clock into our new house. It was my mothers Christmas gift that year. I hear the bells on Christmas Day, every day. Wild and sweet, their words repeat, and it's rarely, rarely peaceful. Trust me.

We set up several trees all those years ago... we had a tree with crocheted angels, and we had a tree with silk wrapped balls (and years later, we had only 2 or 3 left after a puppy got into them. I think that puppy was partially feline for all the delight shredding Christmas decorations brought. I rescued one as a souvenir... I also kept the only one I could fine that mom and I had made from scraps of fabric that we'd pushed into styrofoam balls. It was a craft project that I remember making with my mom. We used pieces of flannel for the first sets. When I took this ball, I couldn't find any of the original flannel balls. I only found this ball (top ball, green dots, snowflakes, snowmen). The original flannel balls we made in the early 1980's when I was 8 or 9 are gone... These were made when I was about 16. The silk balls were on the tree in our living room next to the grand piano. My mom's tree in that room had red and white lights and she had covers that snapped on over the lights.

We always had two Christmas trees. The tree upstairs had multi-color lights on it. It was completely different... The upstairs tree had the kid-decorations and the tree downstairs had red and white decorations. Always. The multicolored tree had the Hallmark decorations, and the decorations with our names, and it was the tree where mom turned off the lights and rocked and rocked and rocked and listened to "Happy Christmas Eve." It was Christmas. We used to lay underneath the tree as kids and look up at the lights under the tree before there were too many presents to lay under the tree anymore... and there were always loads of presents. Mother was terribly creative with presents, too. Sometimes we got reindeer names.

And, I suddenly realize that the reason that this is such a hard blog post to write is because it's not about Christmas decorations at all. It's about hellos and goodbyes. It's about beginnings and endings. It's about stops and starts and the way we ring out the old and start the new. As Sarah McLauchlan sings in her bittersweet "Wintersong" I have read the self-same sad farewells on Facebook to lost loved ones, as well. It's the same, day in, days gone.

It's the Auld Lang Syne:
Sense of joy fills the air
And I daydream and I stare
Up at the tree and I see
Your star up there

And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by

And as the sun rises tomorrow morning, on the new year, I hope love and happiness surround you and yours, and that you'll throw your arms up to the sky and I'll keep this moment by and by.

Don't Visit Without 4-Wheel Drive

2009-12-29T17:17:00.001-07:00

Photo before it started to snow.

The lady in the small car tried four times to get up this road. She followed a snow plow up the road, twice.... and then she slid down. The snow plow was blowing sand, and she still slid back down.

Thanks for the indefinite loan of your beater 1996 Suburban, Dad. I'm really, really, really glad we didn't Cash-for-clunkers it; I'm even more glad we repaired it when it died half way to Canada, because if we didn't have it... we couldn't get up the hill to our driveway (She slid down just slightly mid-center our property). The other cars that can't get up the hill? Yep: they are the mini-vans.

The hill is magnificent for sledding. Two bums on sleds for that.

The Hills are Alive...

2009-12-29T16:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, the hills aren't really alive... but they are moving. The neighbors hired a rock moving company because "some day" they want to put a pool in. Before the pool, they definitely want a fence (which is a higher priority for them because they have a walk-out basement, and pretty high for us because we can see directly in to their walk-out basement). For their fence to be straight, they need to move our top tier of rocks. One other impediment to their fence is the property line. No property line in our development follows the rocks. The developer placed the rocks willy-nilly, and they are pretty much... wherever he liked.

So, there's a rock mover in our back yard:

They have started to move the rocks here.
Last week they blue staked the front yard (in the snow, which is kinda funny).

Here's the rock mover.
Here's the big deal about the whole thing: the rock is EIGHT FEET too far into our yard. It's supposed to be 8 feet farther north into the neighbor's yard. They will move it back, and we will get 8 feet more into our yard for the price of moving the rock. Now, that is a tremendous bargain, and because the man who is moving the rock wishes to work, he has lowered the price of moving the rock from what he wanted to charge us in the fall. So, all in all, it's a great deal for the neighbors, and for us. Yay! Everyone is happy. We're happy, too, that he'll let us pay him a bit now, and a bit more in 30 days.

In the end, the wall will be eight feet farther back, the wall will be shorter (and smoother), and it will be in the right place. A much better outcome than what is currently there. It has to be engineered, but we don't have to pay for it. The neighbors do. We surrendered the top rock to them to offset some of their cost, and... we got 8 feet out of it in the deal.

How often can you buy 8 feet in your own back yard?

Bire-Truck

2009-12-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

Imagine that the kid in this fire truck is Max... because that's who this gift was for. Grandma Max gave this to Max for Christmas, but Asa has had just as much fun ringing the bell and pushing it around with his feet. Neither one of them pedals the thing (although it DOES have pedals).

It's from R.C. Willey, and it has ladders and a bell, but what it's REALLY good for is running into doors. :o) Sometimes, the boys will drag it backwards by the fire hose. (I'm a bit nervous they'll pull the fire hose off). It had to move to the main floor because I was more nervous they'd drive it off the top floor and it would become airborne down the stairs (that seemed like a bit too much fun and real fire engines might have to be called).

It's much, much cuter in real life than even in pictures. They sit in it almost all of the time. It gets garaged in the pantry (which is pretty cute). When not garaged there, it can be garaged in the mud room. It's a great car for a 2 year old boy. We'll see how much fun it is outside in the spring. I hope they don't actually ride it down our hill... It may have to be carefully taken down to the park and ridden in circles around the water tank so they don't coast it down into traffic (considering there's our hill and then the big, big hill). They will have so much fun with this truck. It's "rated" up to 7 years old. Lots of fun to be had for 2 little boys, and several little boys yet to come in the Phippen & Preston family.

What He Never Complains About...

2009-12-29T16:14:00.000-07:00

I adore almost everything about my new house... except the counter space in my kitchen. Our kitchen is huge... but the counter where they put the sink is teeny-tiny. If we have dinner, and the dishes are not immediately done (and I mean between cooking dinner and eating dinner), there isn't enough space to clean up.

If we have breakfast, there isn't enough room to do the dishes. It's kinda strange for a house this large. There isn't enough room for a gourmand such as John to really spread out and cook. There's an enormous counter under the cabinets, but who cooks there? It's a true conundrum.

John never complains that this is the picture that most often meets him as he's finishing up an amazing meal (and they are ALL amazing):

And there's the space dedicated to cooking. Odd little space, isn't it? Lots of oven space. Lots of stove space... where's the stirring space? Where's the counter space? Where's the space for two cooks? Hmmm. Good thing only John knows how to cook, eh? Yeah, this is after breakfast.

You know what the real problem is? It's not the space that's the problem. It's that the lady that's supposed to do the dishes... is me. Hahahaha. I'm off blogging instead of doing the dishes. I'll get right on that. Just as soon as I finish writing.

Those Winter Sundays

2009-12-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

I teach a poem called "Those Winter Sundays" by Robert Hayden about fatherhood that ends "What did I know, what did I know of love's austere and lonely offices?"
I always teach it at the end of the year, during baseball season, and we watch Field of Dreams and read "Once More to the Lake" by E.B. White, and when we get to the scene Ray's father asks him "Is this heaven?" and he replies, "No, it's Iowa..." and his father replies, "I could have sworn it was heaven" and he says, "Is there a heaven?" and John replies, "Oh, yeah." I weep like a baby (because it's a cornfield because I think of my dad, and of my farmer grandfather, etc).

What do I know about love, and love's lonely offices? I learned an awfully lot this year, this Christmas. You see, I can't buy my dad a Christmas present. I can buy him "stuff." I try every year to get him "stuff." And some years, I try to "do stuff" for him that he wouldn't do for himself. In fact, my family is big into doing stuff for other people. We do crazy stuff for each other, like finishing basements over and over again. We hang out at each other's houses; we move and and help move and move some more (like pioneer children some years).

Still, my father can surprise me. Case in point. One night, before Christmas, he called me up. He said he needed to get something at Costco that was too big for him to pick up. I was certain we were going to pick up a gift for my mother. No. Instead, he was there to make sure my cute children were being fed. He knew my husband has been paid sporadically, and he wanted to make sure we had the basics, and he filled up a cart and sent me on my way, because he's like that. Just a quiet, breathless whirlwind tour through Costco.

I was so caught off guard I didn't even hug him before I drove away. The poem says:
What did I know, what did I know
of love's austere and lonely offices?

On Christmas morning, as he and my mother drove away from my house, I understood a little bit more about Christmas. There's definitely much, much more joy in the giving, and it takes a lot of time to gain parenthood perspective. The older I get, the more I realize that the picture is more incomplete. The more I know I see through the glass darkly. My father quoted "Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening" and there are miles to go. I can't wait to travel them to see what else there is to see along the journey.

My Grown-Up Christmas Wish

2009-12-29T15:25:00.000-07:00

I'm behind in blogging again. Today you'll get several entries to catch up. Before I was a grown-up, I had NO idea why my mom always wanted something we couldn't buy her. I always wanted something quick and painless I could buy her easily at a store, I didn't want something I had to spend endless hours creating or doing that was, honestly, hours upon hours of work.

Now that I'm a mom, I understand why my mom wants a gift like that. It's because I can buy myself my own gift like that. I understand that what my mom wanted was "one day where none of you fight" or "one day of peace and quiet" or "one day where no one messes anything up" (although, I also understand that those days come when we all move out of the house and live away from home, sometimes very, very far away from home, or as she said when David died, all she wished was one day where there was something more to wash or one more shoe to pick up.) As Trace Adkins said, "You're gonna miss this."

Being married to a Phippen means that I get to ask for the same thing multiple years in a row and I get to be delighted when I receive it many times. Here's the best Phippen gift ever. If you have never been a Phippen, you won't understand. It's OK. It's MY Christmas, and you can not understand from afar.

This is an empty garage with my car inside of it. It's at my house. It's a pretty fine Christmas gift. This same garage holds two cars.

John and Jack emptied the garage for me, and Jack was even more pleased that I had "Facebooked" his Christmas present service project. He told his dad that it must be pretty special if I had told people on Facebook that he had helped. I guess it's really only a gift if you get credit on Facebook. Take note: service in secret must not count.

The Christmas Calendar

2009-12-15T15:51:00.000-07:00

I borrowed my best friend's Cricut to cut ANOTHER calendar because I lost the calendar that replaced the calendar from the year before... are you getting the picture? Now it's December the 15th. As I walked down the hallway today at work, I realized: I am not going to get that calendar made. If I didn't make it at Thanksgiving, it is NOT going to happen. SIGH.

Christmas is passing me by this year. It always goes too quickly, but this year quicker than before. I can't believe that it's a week until we're out for the break, and 10 days until Christmas Day. Thanks heavens we have until Epiphany... but then... ACK!

The time passes too quickly. And I need a nap.

I am Batman.

2009-12-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

Max likes anything his brothers like, so when Asa fell in love with Batman, Max did, too. Max can correctly identify Batman, Spiderman, The Mouse, Manny, Boots! (Dora), and Star Wars. He can also identify "Christmas" (Santa, Xandri called him "Ho-Ho.")

Today, Max found a snowflake Asa had made at school, and he held it up to his head and said, "Look, Mama! I'm Batman!" Then, he shoved his "baaa" in his mouth, and wandered around with the snowflake on his head. I guess he's Christmas Batman. I hope Santa knows what to bring him. I'm thinking he should have asked for a Batmobile.

The Piano Recital

2009-12-12T15:54:00.000-07:00

Jack, Xandri and Asa have been taking piano lessons from Mishalae Ward since October. On Friday night, they had a recital with the rest of the students, and it went well. Asa played first, and his rendition of "Deck the Halls" was very good. He started on the wrong note, but he quickly noticed, found middle C, and played it perfectly. That's an excellent job for only 2 months of lessons.

Here he is sitting at the piano:

Max wanted desperately to play, too. However, we spent most of the time in the hall trying to get him to be quiet.

Xandri played "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." She played it perfectly, and she had great hair. Both very important things.

Jackson played two songs, "Good King Wenceslaus" and "Jingle Bells." He also learned "O, Come All Ye Faithful."

They did well. I guess it's money and time well spent... If you want to hear them play, just show them a piano. They're more than willing to pound you out a tune at any time.

Gingerbread House Pictures

2009-12-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

On Monday night we made a gingerbread house and read Jan Brett's Gingerbread Baby. A good time was had by all.

A Phippen Garage

2009-12-11T08:53:00.004-07:00

I can tell Christmas is coming because my Honey Do list is starting to be a "Honey Done" list. The best Christmas is a Honey-Done Christmas (don't buy me a gift: clean my bathrooms or fold my laundry. ;o)

Yesterday, I came home to a huge in-progress project: My garage is now *almost* ready for TWO cars and has a long, long line of things ready to go to the basement. Jack has been enlisted to take all he can to the basement (he's earning money for new fashion.) Since our doors in the Corolla have been frozen shut (and the starter in our Avalon is dead), parking in the garage is not a luxury, but more a necessity to keep our vehicles in working order.

Looking forward to parking in the warmth of the garage, I shout my delight from the blog-tops. Indoor parking, here I come.

Now, on to the mud room...

A Phippen Garage

2009-12-11T08:52:00.009-07:00

A Phippen Garage

2009-12-11T08:52:00.003-07:00

A Phippen Garage

2009-12-11T08:52:00.001-07:00

Trauma Drama over Harry Potter

2009-12-09T11:00:00.001-07:00

Tuesday Night Adventures in Mothering: The Morning After Chronicles

Last night, John was at Young Men's/Young Women's and so we were left to our own devices. After much bickering and drama, the children went to their rooms at 7:30. We did baths, we did the advent calendar box, and then we took a break. However, things quickly deteriorated.

First, Asa hadn't eaten his dinner and was hungry. Then, Max, who was in full-blown-melt-down-mode, decided he was also hungry (and he really hadn't eaten ANYTHING for dinner). Xandri had to find her reading book so she could read in bed. Then... TRAGEDY.

Jack had left his Harry Potter, book SIX, at school. He was planning to finish it last night. However, in a cruel, cruel twist of fate (and forgetfulness), he had left the book at school. He wept. He wailed. He gnashed his teeth. He wanted to break into the school to go get it. He determined to NEVER SLEEP until he had his book again, and proceeded to sit on the couch to wait out the long, cold night. After much screaming at his siblings, and throwing two books from his mother that he might be interested in reading , he did settle, weepily into bed. Not strangely, he had a tummy ache and a headache from his hysterics. Such drama over He Who Must Not Be Named, the Half-blood Prince, and lightning boy.

After late-night drinks, assurances that dad would kiss them all goodnight when he got home, the requisite requests for refills on the "BAAAAH" from Max (one is the limit), it was finally mostly quiet. John finally arrived home to only Max's wails...

Any wonder that I find little energy at 9pm. I still have 500+ pages to read and grade, and each day I lose more and more interest in doing it?

The Perfect Hill for Sledding...

2009-12-08T15:04:00.001-07:00

We bought the house on the hill, and it turns out, it has a variety of sledding locations. There's the retention basin next to the neighbor's across the street which is where Jack was when I got home from school yesterday. There's the park, which is where the kids were returning as John shot this picture, and there's a hill in the the back yard of the neighbors behind us... where Jack sledded after dinner last night (in the dark!)

The exhausted, frozen sledders returned home last night at twilight and demanded hot chocolate before they could possibly eat the chili their dad had made. They were thrilled with their sledding experience, although Xandri and Asa both had frozen fingers, and Jack misplaced more than one set of gloves.

While they were sledding, Max watched his favorite show, "Boots!" (Dora the Explorer.) I even dug up a VHS Dora episode as there seem to be none On Demand... Max is pointing to Boots on TV in this shot.

After dinner, we had Family Home Evening where we built a gingerbread house. A good time was had by all. I think.

Dear Santa...

2009-12-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

On the eve of St. Nicholas' Day (December 5th), our children always write their Christmas letters. Each one is unique, and individually goofy. After they write them, they put out their shoes and put the letters into them. The next morning, the letters have been replaced with candy (usually gold wrapped chocolate coins).

This year, the kids wrote their letters. Jack wants Lego, a light Star Wars light sabre he can actually run and swing (so he can chase the neighbors), and new church pants (amongst other things---like a new Webkins, etc.)

Alyxandria wants "American Girl" stuff, although the actual doll isn't as crucial as it must be the size of American Girl stuff. She'd like clothes for her dolls, most of all. She's at an age where her likes and dislikes are easily known. Why all children can't always be easy to buy for, I'll never know... but age almost-seven is really great.

Asa is interested in cars, trucks, and Lego. He is much like Max in this respect. Whatever the older brother plays with is what the younger brother likes. Therefore, top of Asa's list is Lego. He can pass on the light sabre.

Max didn't write a letter. He got banished to bed because he was so, so tired. He was perfectly happy with that. Now, if anyone knows what to buy a 2 year old who needs nothing and has all of his older siblings' toys?

Catching Up

2009-12-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

I need to do several posts today because I have them half-written in my head, and I have photos for them, but I haven't taken the time to write about them.

On Friday, December 4th, John and I got to go out and celebrate the 16th anniversary of the night we got engaged! The National Honors Society offers a babysitting night for teachers and staff, and the kids went and had a marvelous time!

They colored treat bags, made reindeer hats, had their pictures taken with Santa, and watched the Polar Express. They didn't even want to come home.

Asa, Xandri and Max dislike visiting with Santa. (The idea of Santa freaks Xandri out). They did enjoy the rest. Max did NOT want to have his picture taken...

Here is XanDiva and her brother Mr. Don't Take My Picture. His gorgeous brown eyes are all you can see through his reindeer ears...

A Thursday Update

2009-12-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to see the sleep specialist and the neurologist. Both doctors were pleased with what I'm doing, and the neurologist said that I had "graduated" and didn't have to see her anymore (unless I have other issues). I do have to follow up with the sleep specialist, but that's OK. He gave me a whole year before I have to go back.

Tonight, John made special banana trifle with the left-over pound cake. While John was at Roundtable, my sister Jen came to visit with her 3 kids. Everyone had a good time until Asa decided he was tired, grumpy, and four. He told Seth that he didn't "want to be [his] friend anymore." At that point, Asa got to go to bed. Then, while the rest of the kids were finishing up their trifle, Asa put a Lego bucket on his head and tried to strangle himself. He was rescued and sent to bed. The Lego bucket gets to leave the house permanently. I'm not quite sure what he was thinking when he put it over his head and tried to wear it as a hat, but when it slipped off backward, he was in a pickle. Luckily, his cousin Makenna rescued him. All the kids were freaked out. I sure hope he doesn't try something like that again! The problem with being a kid is that what seems safe and fun often gets unsafe and scary in mere moments.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a wonderful day. The kids get to go to the special NHS night at Timpanogos. The National Honors Society is babysitting for the teachers tomorrow night. John and I are headed out for a date night. We're excited...

2, 3, 6, 7 eeeeet

2009-12-02T22:03:00.000-07:00

Max has started to count. It's absolutely darling. He likes to do blast-off: "two, three, six, sebben, eeeet." He never does one, four, or five. He's also stumped after "eeeet." His eight is very similar to how he pronounces Asa's name: "eeeesuh."

Here's Eeeeesa at Pack Meeting last night (12/1).

Jack said I HAD to blog about Max and "how cute it is!" Speaking of Jack, he's now finished the Harry Potter books up to book five. He started book six last night, and he borrowed the first five movies from Grandma Phippen. Last night, Jack swept his Pack Meeting earning many awards. Better yet, he adores scouting, as evidenced by his huge grin here:

Max was playing peek a boo before his melt down at Pack Meeting. Here he is being cute (I didn't take photos of his melt down).

Sunday at Home

2009-11-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

Today, Asa and Max got the "It's Sunday morning, I'm so sick" illness. Actually, Max might actually have been ill. He was super clingy and whiny.

Unfortunately, I had to work on midterm grades and the dreaded research papers. UGH. I hate them so much because the students insist they "didn't have enough time" and that they "didn't know what to do" despite my directions and samples on my website. (See here for proof)

Anyway, I graded only 60 of them... and about 60 other papers, and now I'm watching "I was pregnant and didn't know it." Man, what a train-wreck that is! Shocking. Almost as shocking as the terrible research papers... Wednesday is Parent/Teacher Conference, by invitation only. Only my students who are not doing well, and that's a lot of them, get to come. We'll see which parents come!

Decking the Halls

2009-11-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

   I spent part of today decorating the "mom" Christmas tree. I have never had to decorate a tree 360 degrees. It took every decoration that we had in red, white and green (and silver, as you'll note). We decorated in red downstairs, and upstairs, I bought kid-friendly colors.
   John's mom and dad gave us their "old" tree (they got a pre-lit one!)--and it's the perfect size for this room. The room isn't huge and has a sofa and piano in it. The box with the tree in it was full of goodies. It had 4 strings of lights (that all WORKED) and a surge protector in it! As I was putting the lights on, I told John, "We're going to need an extension cord!" John replied, "Dad sent you a surge protector." Wow. It was a complete tree in a box! Lucky me.

   The kids are MOST excited about the advent calendar (seen here on the console table). Asa is not thrilled he has to wait until December 1st to get his candy!
   Asa helped me decorate the tree today and he helped choose the bags and boxes that went into the windows.
   Next up... John gets to light and the kids get to decorate the family tree. They are fighting over... I mean, enjoying, the experience as I write.

Black Friday at the Phippens

2009-11-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

Today, we didn't go shopping (although we did hit some Black Friday specials online). We got ready for Christmas. We broke out the Christmas trees (we got a spare one from John's mom and dad and have that in the living room). Asa and Xandri were thrilled to follow the color coding and put the tree together. John carried up our "umbrella" style tree, and like all other years, it got him. He has a scratch from the extremely sharp bits on the tree. After 10 years, moving, and all, our tree needs a good fluff. I haven't gotten around to that part of Christmas yet. It took most of the day to get them up, get the other stuff in, and find the lights in all of what we have.

For Black Friday, I wanted to have a celebration that didn't have anything to do with "stuff"--so we had a special dinner. I set the table with a black table cloth, and we had "black" food. Black Angus beef, black "Forbidden City" rice, and "Black Forest" brownies (brownies with cream and cherries.

Jack is usually very happy. He enjoyed today playing with his best friend Skyler (who is 9 and lives behind us in the "mirror image" of our house).

Asa, who has stopped eating at home completely (as far as I can tell), puts on a happy face. He's been practicing for "Whiniest Child of the Year," but smiled for the camera (after 3 tries).

For two days in a row, Max has been denied a long enough nap. He was dissolving into a puddle of weepy, but he was thrilled to "help" dad make the "Black Forest" brownies (brownie bites from Costco with cherries and whipping cream). He also hammed it up for the camera...

Yup: that's peek-a-boo.

Here he's showing you his good work. I think everyone had a sigh of relief when they were tucked into bed. It was a long day for the kids. They are also tired of each other. I guess that's the trade-off if you're used to going to day care. The same 2 other kids all day long for 3 days starts to wear on you, and them! I'm a bit worried for Christmas break!

The Thanksgiving Wrap-up

2009-11-27T22:24:00.000-07:00

We went to Mark and Kristen's home for Thanksgiving. It was a bit odd to be wandering about their house... when we knew where all the light switches were. The strangest bit was that all the art work was "missing." I also hadn't realized how BIG the bedrooms were.

We divided the feast so that no one had to do TOO much work. I, as expected, did NONE of the cooking. I want people to survive the holidays.

John cooked a gorgeous turkey (he says it got a few degrees overdone, but it was moist and yummy). He also made sweet potato soup, stuffing (with apples and bacon). It was so, so yummy.

Kristen set a gorgeous table, complete with little hands for the kids to write what they were thankful about on each of the fingers.

Mark didn't even complain when we raided his fridge for diet Coke... forgetting to bring our own because that fridge has always "magically" filled with diet Coke for the past 19 years.

It was so nice of Mark and Kristen to invite us to their home. There was lots of room for everyone to sit (the kids love sitting at the counter. They got front row seats to John and Mark carving the bird.

The knives are sharp enough to cut yourself on... right, dear?

This is the traditional list of "Things I am Thankful For." My mother has hung one of these lists on the same door for ... forever, I think. It was really great to read it. My favorite entry is the one for "diet Coke" and the runner up was the "iPhone." Too cute.

Here's a shot of the kids: Kristen is helping them write what they are thankful on the fingers of the hands in their "turkey" name cards.

Jen got an idea for turkey cookies from Family Fun. They were cute.

A really good time was had by all, except Max. He took a face plant in some leaves. Of course, once we got him a bit calmed down, I shot pictures. A good face plant in to a pile of leaves is worth a thousand words, right?

Thanks again, Mark & Kristen!

Thanksgiving "Break"

2009-11-25T16:04:00.000-07:00

Today, I took the kids on an adventure. First we took Kallie a birthday present. Kallie is my best friend's daughter, and she's the kids' favorite babysitter. Then, I took a check to Jackie (daycare). Max was SCREAMING because we were parked in front of her house and he assumed we'd be leaving him there...

Then, as a "treat," we went to the dollar store. They could pick one of whatever they liked, except that Xandri kept wanting candy and I was so mean that I wouldn't let her choose candy (um, dollar store. Stale, old, possibly expired). So, then we went to the shoe store next door. Let's just say that kids shoes could quite possibly bankrupt me. Asa required two pair because he's got 2 gaping holes in the toes of the darling "Team Canada" shoes we bought him in August. Xandri got new church shoes, and Max's feet had grown half a size. Max chose "Spiderman" shoes. They have Spiderman and Iron Man on them. He's also quite positive they have Batman on them. Don't tell him they don't. He'll insist they DO. Shoe shopping for children is my definition of Hell. I'm quite sure that is one of the rings in Dante's Inferno.

After that, the kids went to Aunt Jen's while I braved the grocery store on the busiest day of the year. Whoo. Not recommending... however, I did run into Phyllis Bestor, who I haven't seen in 9 years! She got to see Max, and we talked a bit. It was so very nice to see her. She's the single most influential person in my teaching career. The only other people who come close are Stacy! Miller, Melodie Bestor, and Margaret Mortensen. Phyllis gave me my start, my wings, and my confidence.

Now, we're home and Xan and Asa are fighting in the toy room, Max is asleep, and John is working of a mad after discovering all his day's work has been for naught. Can't wait for the Thanksgiving doings tomorrow!

Almost Christmas

2009-11-23T15:35:00.001-07:00

I find myself exceptionally excited for Christmas this year. I don't know if it's because I've denied myself the Christmas music until after Thanksgiving, or if it's because I haven't shopped at all for Christmas this year... but I find I'm excited and anxious to get to Christmas!

I haven't gotten John pinned down on anything Christmas yet, but I am planning to start the decorating while I'm home on Black Friday. I have the calendar planned out, and now I need to find the actual calendar pieces from last year (or make ANOTHER one, which is often what happens). The first activity of the Advent Season this year is to have a Black Friday celebration.

For Black Friday, I have a black tablecloth, black rice, and black chargers for under the plates. We're having a black and white dinner, and I am hoping it will be really fun. We don't go shopping on Black Friday, but I wanted my kids to have something fun to do over Thanksgiving break. We'll start the season then, and have our black rice, black Angus burgers, and Black Forest cake for dessert. I think it will be really fun.

This week, John is taking Jack and Xandri to see Guys and Dolls at MVHS tonight. Tomorrow, John is baking pies with his Varsity boys at our house. On Wednesday, we're getting ready for Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving, Mark and Kristen are hosting my side of the family at their house (mom and dad's old house). John is working on the menu... On Friday, we're celebrating "Black Friday" and decorating for Christmas. That's what I have going on this week... On top of that, I have 75 research papers and 100 other papers to grade. It'll be a busy season!

My cousin Cole is getting married this week in the Cardston Temple. A big shout-out to him and his bride Paige. I talked to my Grandma Viv and they are excited. Weddings are times of such excitement... I wish we lived closer and could be there. I think that's been my mantra most of my life. That's the biggest reason I intend to live close to my parents. I want my kids to always have memories of little times and big times when they are with their grandparents. My grandparents never missed any of my big moments, and I enjoyed spending time with them in the summers. It's just the moments like Thanksgiving and Christmas that I wish we'd had more of. I saw Grandma JJ and Grandpa Allan a lot in the winters for Christmas and often at Thanksgiving, but the last time I was home in Raymond in the winter was when my cousin Dustin got married. Before that, I was there when my aunt Barbara got married. I definitely don't have many winter memories of that.

I can't wait to hear how the wedding goes and hopefully see some Facebook pictures of the day.

Finally Halloween Photos

2009-11-05T17:44:00.002-07:00

Asa went as Iron Man eating his dad's maple bar from Scout Breakfast that morning...

Max went as both a pirate AND Cookie Monster.

Xandri was a witch. Jack was a phantom.

Dental Visits

2009-11-04T08:21:00.000-07:00

I know, I still haven't posted the Halloween pictures. I haven't made a concerted effort to find a cord for the camera, and have just been struck by the fact that I have one in the computer bag.

However, yeserday we went to the dentist. Only Jack has a cavity, but both he and Xandri must have teeth pulled. This seems to be standard procedure for our kids. Their impending pulling will be next Monday, long enough to give their dad and the Tooth Fairy a heads-up.

Max adored his visit to the dentist. He was a trooper, and he did the whole process like a champ. He also enjoyed rifling the prize box and getting a ball. Asa, despite being ill, was OK at the dentist. He threatened to puke on the way home, but made it without needing his doggy bag. Hopefully, he'll soon be better, but he sure looks miserable, on day 3. I saw him briefly before work, hugging the toilet bowl. Poor kid!

Asa Updates

2009-11-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

All day long, I've been getting updates on the Little Man. Asa is sick; he has a headache and keeps trying to throw up. So his dad sends me periodic updates...

I'm headed home to see him next; yesterday he was so tired and whiney he went to bed at 6pm (the regular 6pm, not the daylight-savings-6pm). Poor critter. Hopefully he's better tomorrow because they all have "adventures with the dentist" planned. Exciting!

Halloween Celebrations

2009-11-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

Hallowe'en was fun for everyone yesterday. We went to Salt Lake, but we missed everyone. We had a ward carnival and then trunk-or-treating. That meant that the people in our ward didn't come trick-or-treating, so we had an "at-home" night with cider, cookies, popcorn, and John and the 3 older kids watched Ice Age 3. I answered the door a few times, dealt with the fifth migraine of the week, and watched some procedural crime shows. It was very, very nice to fall back this morning! The kids were up at 6 am, however. That was not nice.

Jack's costume was a cross between an evil wizard/grim reaper; Xandri's dress was darling--black with green, very much like a ball gown; Asa was cute in his Iron Man costume (Max loved his mask!); and Max got to wear several costumes. He wore the Cookie Monster costume, a pirate costume, and any mask he could find. He also had several melt-downs and was in bed, asleep, by 6:30. It's hard to be a 2 year old, most all the time.

I have to find the cord to the camera and then I'll post pictures.

Halloween Celebrations

2009-10-30T10:48:00.000-06:00

John has informed me that punctuality at the Valley View Elementary Halloween Parade is not vital. The kids march by twice. ;o)
Jack's eyes were "lit" as he filed past. He does adore a good costume session. For 3 years he was Tigger; once, he was a pirate; another year, he was Septimus Heap from Magyk by Angie Sage. He's thrilled by this season, and everything is an adventure.
Asa is Iron Man today, and he has sung his theme song for me. All the Wee Wolves were darling today! They came in, lined up, and got their KitKats...
Halloween is a good day to be a teacher: Students are beyond creative and clever. I have had one student come as bacon, one as Paul McCartney (the other Beatles are in their classes), a fantastic member of KISS, a cute, cute clown costume, amongst others in the hallway. My copy center friend, Jennifer, is Charlie Chaplin.
I didn't dress up today. Last year, I was so thrilled to be through October that I dressed up AND had a pummingo for the contest. This year, I'm just glad that everything has gone well and that we're on to Thanksgiving!

Here's a flashback to last year's pummingo...

The NieNie Dialogues

2009-10-29T12:34:00.001-06:00

Ever since I saw Stephanie Nielson on Oprah, I've been thinking about my own family blog. Stephanie keeps her blog updated every day (much like I do my school blog) but it's about something simple, something sweet about her kids, family, or husband (Mr. Nielson).

Lisa (Valentine) Clark, married to Stephanie's brother Topher Clark, was my good friend at BYU. I met them both at the same time, in the same play (Hester's Song--English Society, 1993). That's when they met, and they are singularly delightful people. I follow Chris and Lisa on Twitter and Facebook. If I lived in Provo, I'd vote for Steve Clark.

Anyway, I've been wondering what I had to write about... and I guess I do. I just need to take time to enjoy the little moments and celebrate them more.

This morning, Jack came down to ask me about Carrie Jenkins (John's cousin) who came to visit us yesterday. He also visits us about 8:30 each night to share what he's reading and thinking (and we always answer with an exasperated, "Go to bed, Jack!") These little moments remind me how fast he's growing up. Will we have those same discussions when he's a teenager? I don't remember having discussions like that with my mom and dad as a teenager. Dad used to complain about how expensive my books were, especially since I read them as fast as Jack does.

I need to live more in the moment, for the moments, and remember that the important things in life are the moments. I keep the phrase "Life isn't measured in the breaths you take, but in the moments that take your breath away" next to my bed. I need to recognize and celebrate those moments, because they go by so quickly and kids grow up so fast.

Tooting My Own Horn

2009-03-25T13:52:00.001-06:00

I'm almost ashamed to re-print it, but here's what one of my students wrote about me in today's edition of the local paper (The Daily Herald). It's not online, so I'm copying it from the school website at www.timberwolftimes.com.

Written by Kaleo Li as appeared in The Daily Herald, B10, 3/25/09

Overcoming an obstacle is almost always a formidable task, but living through constant pain and discomfort may be even more laudable than that.

Such is the life of Timpanogos High school teacher Jillian Phippen, who juggles major health concerns, responsibilities at home, and duties as an advisor and faculty member on a daily basis.

She suffers from kidney stones, a painful urological disorder, and has had “more than [she] could count,” passing a few of these stones each week. She also experienced kidney and liver failure during her last pregnancy and has to regularly accommodate her life with her case of diabetes.

“She’s had several health concerns, mainly in association with being a diabetic,” says Kori Crampton, a fellow Timpanogos educator.

While having to deal with all these tribulations, Phippen still heads up a journalism staff, teaches 2 ESL classes, keeps herds of rowdy sophomore English students under control, raises four young children, and actively participates in her local Boy Scouts of America program.

One of the most admirable qualities that Phippen posseses is her ability to stay sanguine through all the stresses of her life.

“She’s in a lot of pain, but she’s smiling all the time,” says Cecile Thomas, who teaches Photography at Timpanogos High.

“Mrs. Phippen's unique sense of humor still finds a way to bubble through to keep her and everyone around her smiling. After being filled with radioactive dye for a procedure, she dressed as ‘Radioactive Woman’ for Halloween. You can't get any more optimistic than that," says Sairah Gold, one of her students.

By looking at her Twitter profile, anyone can see the humor and optimism that she infuses into people’s lives. When she had to go in for neurological testing and to obtain an echocardiogram, her status update reflected her positive thoughts: “I get to have more tests. I’ll study hard and not flunk!”

Despite the enormous amount of energy required by all the responsibilities Phippen has, she never gives less than all she can to those who require it, whether it is her children, students, or family members.

“What I like about Mrs. Phippen is that she’s open, . . . and that makes her a good friend. I know I can always count on her to listen to my troubles and to give me advice,” says Irasema Del Castillo, a student at Timpanogos High.

Her Twitter update that portrays herself most accurately says, “[I’m] finally on my way to work! I may not feel well, but hi-ho!”

As an educator, Jillian Phippen teaches more than vocabulary and grammar; she teaches us all how to endure the most difficult circumstances.

A Phippen Update

2009-01-30T01:26:00.002-07:00

You'll get several emails about today... because it's Xandri's birthday but I also haven't written anything on the blog for a while. I was so, so thrilled to see that JOHN had written on our blog. I love that man.

I've been really sick/stressed this week, so at least I didn't have to clean the whole house for guests for Xan's party (we're having it at a pool). My stresses were that I had to be observed (every 3 years), and my pre-observation did not go well. So I totally revamped my room, ordered more "teacher clothes" and am working hard at being to school every day, on time, and really professional. John has completely taken over getting the kids ready for school and there. I have to have good recommendations because I can not lose our insurance. I don't think there are significant problems: I am a good teacher and my test scores show it. I just think, in a year of cut backs, I don't want to be the one cut.

Today, I had a lunch meeting with my boss from the district office. It's always tricky when you're dealing with someone at the district office. This lady wants to be my friend, I think. But, her job is also to find people who are doing innovative things... and I'm really, really good at that. I fear she's going to ask me to present again at the Professional Development session in March. That's kinda scary because the people I work with at my school see me as "the flunk-out kid teacher" instead of the "keep them in school teacher." I don't know if older teachers would see me as innovative. Sometimes I think they see me as "English-Lite," even though I'm using best practices and current brain research. I don't personally know anyone else who does as much reading about brain studies and education as I do. It's my goal to always be on top of what science shows kids can do.

I lost my extra class to cut backs next year. That will be GOOD for me. I'll be able to grade papers and do things at school and less at home. I will also NOT be teaching ESL/Hispanic kids. I'll have 2 sessions of honors English, journalism, back to special ed, and 2 regular classes. It will be nice to have a bit of change. I like that. It makes me be fresh and exciting for students. Summer school is still up in the air. I don't know if they'll be offering it, but if they do, I'll volunteer because I have all the lessons, copies, etc. already made and ready to go. I still think I teach remedial English better than anyone else I've seen. I *care* about the kids and try to reach them. I think of each one of them as Dave. It gives me reason and purpose.

I'll also have a pay cut. That's a bummer, BUT, Xandri won't be at preschool next year, so that will really help. It's an extra $300 every month that we will save. There's a bill in the legislature that wants to move the cut off date for school to July 1st, so I may not have a choice as to whether or not to send Asa to kindergarten. I don't know quite what to do about that. He'll have had (already) 3 years of preschool. If I hold him back, he'll have 4 years of the same preschool. Maybe I should send him to another school---but there's no Challenger or Montessori in Orem. I guess I could send him to an all-day kindergarten and then have him do grade 1? He's ahead of all the other kids in his preschool. He knows all his colors, most of the alphabet, he's a whiz with songs and lyrics, and he's drawing well, too. He can spell his name, Xandri's name, and he can read Jack and Max, too. He's really, really bright. His teachers say he's exceptionally good natured, pays attention, and is very focused (for being 3). I'll need help looking for ways to help him. August is not a good time to have a baby. I wasn't planning it, though, and he's the sweetest thing on earth. I know I don't have favorites, but each of my children have something unique and beautiful about them.

Jack is inquisitive and interested. He's funny and creative. He's artistic and very detail oriented. He's a lot like John. He made this amazing, moving dragon for Xandri's birthday gift. He has brads that let the legs move. His reasoning for a dragon was that Xan loves princesses and most princess stories deal with dragons. That's so logical, and thoughtful. What a great gift!

Xandri is dramatic, flamboyant, and her mother's daughter. She's my comeuppance.

Asa is my little old man. He's got a lovely, sweetness about him that makes everyone love him. He's cute, funny, and really insightful. He notices the world and expresses his thoughts and feelings in amazing ways. I don't know if it's because he's a such a cute age, but he's really special. He's simply amazing.

Max has grown and developed so quickly in the past month. He's learned to pout, to smack people when he doesn't get his way, and he sticks out his leg (I think he's trying to kick people) when he's mad. He bites, too. However, he's also a great kisser, understands everything you say to him, and wants things HIS way, RIGHT NOW. He reminds me so much of my dad. He not only looks like dad, he's got the same aggressive, insistent personality. He's absolutely fearless, but he still loves his mama and being snuggled.

I ordered Xandri the prettiest clothes to fit the doll Grandma Max bought her for Christmas. They came from a Chinese seamstress, and they are amazing quality. I paid so very, very little for 6 outfits ($50 total--Ebay). They are lined, gorgeous fabric, some even hand-beaded. GORGEOUS. She'll love them. I got her 2 movies, some hair things, a super-soft bathrobe (pink, of course) and 2 birthday "My Little Ponies" sets. I spent about $100. As she gets older, that same $100 won't go very far!

Well, that's the first installment on Xandri's birthday. More after we spend the day together! So much to do tomorrow. I'm excited for Saturday!

Our Right-Brained Girl

2009-01-28T13:59:00.002-07:00

Our little girl is right-brained. Right-brained people are typically creative. They're artists, musicians, and the like. Now, Xan is creative and she likes to color, but that's not how I know she's right-brained. And, it's not in the fact that if she needs to think about something she looks up to the right (she does this when she's making up a lie--it's true).

Here's how I know she's right-brained. For the past several weeks, Xan has awaken every couple of nights crying. She's sitting up in bed, scared. Her eyes are open, but she's fast asleep. It's very weird. I try to calm her and the only way I've found is to get her to wake up. Once she's awake, the crying stops, she lays down and goes right back to sleep. I know she's awake if she can answer questions like: "Who am I?" "What's your brother's name?" "What's 2+2?" While she's still asleep, she can't answer those questions. Strangely, she never remembers any of it in the morning.

Last night, our strange little ritual occured while Jill was away. I was trying to get he to answer my standard set of questions and she couldn't. I had just asked her what 2+2 was and her eyes went up to the right and she couldn't say. So, I asked a new question, one, incidentally, I'd never asked her before: "What are the colors of the rainbow?" She rapidly replied: "Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet." I asked, "Who am I?" and she couldn't answer. She was fast asleep and could rattle off the colors of the rainbow. Our little girl is right-brained.

New Year, New Ward

2009-01-04T21:45:00.004-07:00

Today, John and I were part of a very emotional realignment of our stake. Our dear bishop, who has only been serving for 3 years, was released because he was part of a new ward. We have enjoyed our bishop and his 2 counselors, and they have been exceptionally good to us.

John was then called to the new bishopric as the ward clerk. He had previously been the executive secretary. Ward clerk will be a bit less work for John, which is nice. We will also gain 200 extra people in our ward: that means our young people, primary and MIA will both be increased. Our primary will double, which is wonderful.

It was a fast Sunday. Jack was fasting for a good outcome of the realignment. He has such a sweet spirit. He was so very worried that he'd be separated from his best friend (who lives next door) and his other friend who lives behind us. We tried to explain that wouldn't happen, but he was so grateful when we told him how it was divided. He will get another good friend in the ward which will be great.

It was an emotional Sunday, but it was filled with good feelings about people whom we love. We love them because we have served with them, doing the work of the Lord. What could be a better way to separate from one another, knowing that we will still see each other, as we are serving the Lord. It reminds me of my favorite scripture: The sons of Mosiah and Alma the Younger meet after a long period of missionary work and are thrilled to find that they are all strong in the gospel; and when the time comes for them to separate, they separate knowing that they are going about the Lord's purposes, that are great. Surely the Lord's work is great, and it asks us to love one another where ever we are in the wards of Zion.

The good news of the gospel is that Jesus will bring us all back to Him and to Heaven: forever and ever. The best news is that when we work with and for the people who surround us, we gain such love and attachment that we are sad when we can no longer serve with them. That kind of sadness is beautiful because it is meant to be repeated in every calling we ever serve in. The Glory of God allows us to grow and love and for that love to grow exponentially by allowing us to serve and love more and more. It's preparing us to love everyone we meet and become more Christlike.

Alma 17: 13

13 And it came to pass when they had arrived in the borders of the land of the Lamanites, that they separated themselves and departed one from another, trusting in the Lord that they should meet again at the close of their harvest; for they supposed that great was the work which they had undertaken.

Remembering 2008

2008-12-30T21:39:00.002-07:00

Once a year, I try to wade through the thousands of email I have cluttering my inbox and archive the important ones and discard the mundane. As I was doing that, I came across a blog entry on someone else's blog that made so much difference to me now than it did when I thought it was so meaningful last year!

Last Christmas at this time, we worried that Max was potentially blind and that he might not be normal. That was such a blow because all of Christmas is centered around a perfect, holy infant who saved the world. Prayers on our behalf, simple tests, and Max learned and grew to be perfectly normal, a joy, precocious, special, and even a bit more advanced in some areas than his siblings.

Then, in September, we learned that Jack was deaf in his L ear. What a shock. We had to wait to see how deaf, and then for surgery to discover how much he could be helped. Prayers on our behalf again have given us blessings beyond our wildest expectations.

What this blog post reminds me is that we are all parents of special children. Our children each have needs that we didn't anticipate, and often that we wish we could remove from their pathways. We all have children hoping for the very possible scenario. Most of us learn to live with worst-case scenarios.

I often wonder if it was fair of me to bring 4 children to a home where their mother is often so ill she can't take care of herself let alone them, but they have a mother, and she does love them enouth to have given anything, everything to have them. Sometimes it's not the child who's need is special.

This post is from http://hollandpostcards.blogspot.com/2005/07/thoughts-on-holland.html

FRIDAY, JULY 08, 2005

Thoughts on Holland

The post looking at Welcome to Holland and Have a Nice Trip, along with the wonderful insight of Andrea at Beanie Baby, has had me thinking quite a bit since I read it.

An acquaintance of mine [a local sister in the same 'sorority' chapter as I] wrote this essay/letter that I keep filed right next to Welcome to Holland. I keep a file of sorts,,,,

a collection of postcards. Some are simple little quotes. Some are a paragraph or two. Some are just postcard photograph with a simple hello and a stamp from the time and location. Some are longer essays filled with many facets and some are books, such as Pearl S. Bucks, The Child who Never Grew. The words are different, the perspectives and experiences are unique,,,,,but the common thread is the same. We are sisters in a sorority of Motherhood, traveling to places that others may never get to experience or even understand. We are all richer and wiser from our travels, although our bodies, minds and souls sometimes have gotten worn, battered and bruised from the trip. Our luggage doesn’t always arrive or our connection never comes, So we need to adapt the best we can. But we are travelers, the world over, and our journeys are the journeys that make a life full of wonder and full of new horizons.

So I share with you this piece, and I hope it finds its way into your 'collection'

To You, My Sisters
© Maureen K. Higgins

Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you out every day. I've looked for you on the internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores. I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words ring experience, experience you culled with your very heart and soul. You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world. You are my "sisters".

Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were chosen to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately, some not for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse membership, but to no avail.

We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during ultrasounds. We were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations, evaluations, blood tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries.

All of us have one thing in common. One day things were fine. We were pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn, or we were playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything was fine. Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does, or over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed. Something wasn't quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of children with special needs.

We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity of our children's special needs. Some of our children ungergo chemotherapy. Some need respirators and ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some are unable to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in a different world. We do not discriminate against those mothers whose children's needs are not as "special" as our child's. We have mutual respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.

We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with whatever materials we could find. We know "the" specialists in the field. We know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the" treatments. We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know "the" degenerative and progressive diseases and we hold our breath while our children are tested for them. Without formal education, we could become board certified in neurology, endocrinology, and physiatry.

We have taken on our insurance companies and school boards to get what our children need to survive, and to flourish. We have prevailed upon the State to include augmentative communication devices in special education classes and mainstream schools for our children with cerebral palsy. We have labored to prove to insurance companies the medical necessity of gait trainers and other adaptive equipment for our children with spinal cord defects. We have sued municipalities to have our children properly classified so they could receive education and evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.

We have learned to deal with the rest of the world, even if that means walking away from it. We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during "tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was advocated by the person behind us on line. We have tolerated inane suggestions and home remedies from well-meaning strangers. We have tolerated mothers of children without special needs complaining about chicken pox and ear infections. We have learned that many of our closest friends can't understand what it's like to be in our sorority, and don't even want to try.

We have our own personal copies of Emily Perl Kingsley's "A Trip To Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother." We keep them by our bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours.

We have coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our physically handicapped children to the neighbors' front doors on Halloween, and we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick or treat." We have accepted that our children with sensory dysfunction will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas. We have painted a canvas of lights and a blazing yule log with our words for our blind children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all the while, we have tried to create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.

We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed every evening not sure how we did it.

We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and sip red wine in Italy. We've mourned the fact that our trip to Holland has required much more baggage than we ever imagined when we first visited the travel agent. And we've mourned because we left for the airport without most of the things we needed for the trip.

But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never stop believing. Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they will achieve in life knows no bounds. We dream of them scoring touchdowns and extra points and home runs. We visualize them running sprints and marathons. We dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses and chopping down trees. We hear their angelic voices singing Christmas carols. We see their palettes smeared with watercolors, and their fingers flying over ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed at the grace of their pirouettes. We never, never stop believing in all they will accomplish as they pass through this world.

But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is hold tight to their little hands as together, we special mothers and our special children, reach for the stars.

The Magic of Christmas Day

2008-12-25T14:24:00.005-07:00

Please click on the title of this to get to more picutres. I have a Facebook link that will take you to the pictures and you do NOT have to have a Facebook account to get to them.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=14604&l=f8bde&id=1149311414

We had a wonderful Christmas morning. John and I have been blessed with amazingly obedient children (Okay, Jack can't remember to shut the back toor, but it's not that he doesn't WANT to), and Xandri teases her brothers mercilessly, and Asa is silly beyond measure... well, Max isn't obedient, at ALL, but there's still time), and they did rush down to see if Santa had arrived, and when they saw he HAD arrived, they were good sports about waiting for all of us to go down together.

We opened some presents, and then our delightful children allowed us to have a breakfast break! We had wonderful home-made buttermilk pancakes (John doesn't even LIKE pancakes, but they are my and the children's favorite food), bacon, fresh (not from concentrate) orange juice, and Christmas crackers. The kids all wore their cracker crowns (except Max, who wadded his up in a ball immediately).

Now we're off to visit the rest of the family. The gifts are opened, the games have just started.

Merry Christmas to all of you. We love you, and we love spending the day thinking of you and wishing you all the best, only the best, this season.

Sharing the Spirit of Christmas

2008-12-17T10:23:00.003-07:00

My whole life, I have been taught that it's better to give than to receive. It's a motto I've tried to instill in my children: Jesus was given 3 gifts, and they could "ask" for 3 gifts, but could expect no more.

I've tried to create for my children that it's important to be "secret" about their givings, to not gloat or take "credit" for what has been given. I think we're doing a good job of that.

This past month has been hard; the city of Mapleton is holding on to a bond that was paid to make sure that parts of John's development were done properly. Even though that part of the property is done, the city hasn't released the bond, and the development has to wait to continue until they have money to start on the next phase. That's also meant that they haven't been able to cut paychecks to the staff who works on the development, John included. Of course, we've been expecting to be paid any day now for a couple of weeks. It's like watching the Feds and banks squabble over money and how it's to be paid out. It's frustratingly slow.

Yesterday, we were in the unique position of being the Sub-for-Santa family: not donating, but being the recipients. I suddenly looked at all the stories of kids who say "We gave, never knowing we were poor" because that's the way I felt. Having the Bishop in our home, knowing his great love and support for us and to us really put a different spin on Christmas for me.

We are extremely blessed that we have a home; we bought Christmas months ago and our kids will lack for nothing; both John and I have a job, and more importantly insurance, but we are so richly blessed by people who are generous and giving and wanted to make sure that until John was paid, we could take care of the necessities. How amazing people are at Christmas.

I have felt mighty sheepish, knowing that we could not have prepared for this in any other way. We did everything "right" and can pay our bills, but life in America for average working people (especially people who work on, for, with building and homes) is very hard.

I've also been grateful for the Relief Society as they've taken care of meals for us because John has had the flu for a week, and I'm still struggling all the time with kidney stones. Our neighbors are good people who love each other. What a great opportunity it is to be on the receiving end of such love, to know that we are in someone's prayers, and to know that we are being watched over by those who surround us. That's the real lesson I've learned this Christmas: it's not just what you give, but what you receive from being part of the gift. Even though the blessing might be in the form of money, it sure feels like love to me.

Maximum RIDE!

2008-12-17T09:37:00.003-07:00

Darling Max has SUCH an attitude! What a darling kid he is, but in small doses. He's noisey, in the extreme!!

He has started to strut his stuff around the house. He lurches, and as he lurches, he screams. His favortie phrase is "NO!" He will cling to me, directing me around the house and say, "No!" He never says "Yes" (he used to say it...).

Max loves the telephone and picks it up (especially my cell phone) and says, "How do?!" It's adorable. However, when banging my cell phone on the floor, it is not terribly funny.

Max also says, "I do!" as he wanders around the house. He also says "I do it!" and is so proud of himself when he does things. He's adorable when he snuggles, but when he's tired and snuggly, he BITES. He's bitten my face only moments after giving me a big smooch.

He's so darned determined. He not only has my father's face, but he has my dad's drive and ambitions. He's fiercely stubborn (and he gets that in double measure from his dad and me.)

He's absolutely beautiful, but he can be a total terror. He goes off of all furniture face first, but he's figured out how to slide from the top of the stairs all the way down (laughing demonically).

He's the child who looks the most like the Prestons... and he's the one who reminds me most of my brother David. He's also shorter than all the other of our children. His little legs are short and cute, and he's not nearly as tall as his other 2 brothers were at the same age. He's a tease and he doesn't take teasing well. He's the baby, for sure, for sure.

Christmas Catchup

2008-12-08T13:20:00.002-07:00

I wanted to post as I have pictures, but I haven't had my camera near my harddrive in a while. Here's what's happened recently.

We've gotten into the full Christmas swing. On the 5th, Jackson went to visit Dr. Robins and got a good bill of health on his L ear. While the very upper levels of sound have been affected, his middle-range, the speaking and low range is normal now. As long as he protects his hearing, he'll be great. The implant is working well and Dr. Robins was pleased. He said that most people don't get such a great result.

On Friday night, the kids got to come to school for the National Honor's Society babysitting evening. They had a marvelous time, and even Max had a great time. His diaper failed, however, and he required new clothing. He came home in a cute yellow NHS shirt. We wrote our letters to Santa when we came home that evening, and then put our shoes out for St. Nicholas to fill.

On Saturday morning, the shoes had been filled with delicious hand-rolled peppermint candy canes, and we cleaned the house and had a St. Nicholas Day feast. John made a gorgeous turkey, sweet-potato soup, candied yams, candied carrots, green bean casserole with hand-breaded Frenched onions, and cornbread-foccacia dressing with cherries and sausage. Everything was yummy, and Xandri loved the sweet-potato soup. She was tempted to lick the bowl.

Jack gave a talk about the secret of giving at church today. He read a message by President Henry B. Eyring, and he read the whole thing by himself! He's amazing. It's awesome how kids learn to read. Xandri is totally engrossed in figuring out what letters form which words and how they do it. She's interested in being a good reader. Asa has figured out "A's" and can find all sorts of A's. He's great at big and little A's---because his name contains both. ;o)

Yesterday, we got to celebrate Maddie Sue's 7th birthday (one day late!) We went to Jen & Joe's and her party was wonderful. Maddie enjoys everything so much. When we sang Happy Birthday, we added "Ho Ho Ho" in between each line, and each time we sang "Ho, Ho, Ho" she'd blow out one of her candles. When she got all the candles blown out, she raised her hands in victory and said, "YAY!" She was as excited by a box of popcorn and a Ziplock bag as she was her other gifts. She was super excited by "Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas" which Aunt Anna gave her.

Tonight, we're going to drive around looking for places to leave Christmas Pixie items. Then we're going to catch the First Presidency's Christmas Devotional. We DV-R'd it last night and will discuss it for Family Home Evening.

The season passes so quickly! I can't believe it's already December 8th... If I don't take time to actually DO things with my kids, the days would just disappear. We have scouts and pixies to do tomorrow (and a board of review---and I'm supposed to go to Relief Society's dinner). On Wednesday, we're going swimming for the first time at the Lehi Legacy center. We got a year's pass to the Legacy center and I want to go at least 3 times this month while we have time off. On Thursday, my visiting teachers are coming. On Friday, John and I are going on a date... we might even make it to the temple! On Saturday, we have breakfast with Santa Claus with the Utah Down Syndrome Foundation at BYU and the ward Christmas party, and our lives are busy, busy, busy.

I often wish my children played instruments or danced or did other things, but quite honestly, I can't figure out when we'd squeeze them in. We leave home each day at 8am, and we don't get home again until 4 or 4:30 every day. Then it's homework, clean up, dinner, reading, and bed... When could we squeeze more in? I guess the moms who don't work have superlatively talented children. Now that Jack can hear, we're going to get him playing his guitar, and hopefully... the rest can get some musical training, too.

Fun Photos!

2008-11-27T13:27:00.003-07:00

Most recent photos: (These are all Facebook links).

how people this album by sending them this public link:http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=12679&l=06f1b&id=1149311414