Adjustments

Now that John has been a full-time dad for two full weeks, we've had some adjustments. Asa and Max have had some schedule changes to work around. No more day care/pre-school. That's kinda weird. I know Asa doesn't eat as much food as he used to. I also know Max doesn't sleep as much as he is used to. He gets to bed time, and he is uber-super-maximum whiny. Dinner-times are very painful when he's so whiny. He's even had to skip dinner all-together and simply go to bed because he's just too tired.

On the plus side, John's office is spic-n-span. On the negative side, I know it's because there's no work to be done in it. Asa does "help" in there in the afternoons while Max is napping. Ace does some work in pre-school workbooks while Max is napping. They also adore watching Dora/Boots/Diego.

John's completely caught up on laundry, dishes, etc. I lost my keys for three days. I had put them on a higher shelf than normal. To find them, we scoured the bedroom looking for them. When I say "we," I mean John. He scoured while I cried after an after school "pep" talk with my supervising principal. It went so well I cried for the entire evening and the rest of the next morning.

To say I'm stressed is to put that in the mildest form possible. I've had a migraine that's now lasted since Tuesday. I took my first shot on Tuesday before I went to bed. I woke up with it on Wednesday morning. It's pounding as I type now. These kinds of migraines definitely affect my life, and even my skin hurts. I can't hardly sleep, and I'm definitely not eating. To say I'm my mother's daughter is putting it mildly. John says that perhaps in a week or two they will know if his company will have another investor, so perhaps they will start back to work; if they don't get another investor, they may never start back to work again, and the company will just fold and we'll never see the money they owe us. That will be really, really hard. Of course, my friends all say that we should sue the company. Then we'd be out the court costs on top of the money they owe us. More money wasted. Stress upon stress. How many sick children did we have at our house this week? I didn't even count? Did I help? Even once?

I walk through the house in a blur, in a blank; I find that even simple things, bills, letters, shopping, things I used to do as a matter of course, terrify me. Where will we find money for them? There isn't any money for any of it. Buying groceries, going to Costco, buying gasoline, all of it is so expensive. I cringe just thinking of it. I think I'll go cry some more. I won't help one bit. I won't feel better after, either. However, I have a migraine. Sometimes, that's just what happens.