Remembering the Towers

Strangers

 

I didn't know the man in black pants

who plunged headfirst

from the top of the north tower

 

or the young mother trapped

behind a locked door

on the eighty-seventh floor.

 

I never met the couple

crushed in their final embrace

and stuffed into one body bag.

 

or the fire chief quickly buried

under tons of concrete,

steel, glass, and ash.

 

Nor did I ever say hello

to the blond woman

who called her husband to ask

 

what she should tell the pilot

standing beside her

at the back of the plane.

 

I never shared coffee

with the six-foot-four executive

who said, "If we're going

 

to crash into something,

let's not let it happen.

Our best chance is to fight."

 

Yet I have felt sun on their skin

and tasted wine on their lips.

I have run using the long muscles

 

of their legs and felt air

rush into their lungs, their hearts

pumping in my chest,

 

and they have combed my hair

each morning, tasted

cereal from my bowl,

 

and held my children in their arms.

At night they have watched

stars shimmer through my eyes.

 

Now they have all returned

to earth and air, but I still feel them

stirring inside me, walking

 

the long corridors of my brain,

searching for something

irretrievable, precious, still there.

 

--Lucille Lang Day

First Day of School

The kids started school on August 18th. Asa and Xandri tromped back to preschool the first week... here they are getting in the car that first day.

Initially, Xandri's scheme was to wear her

 amazingly long hair in a braid and have people ooooh and aaaahhh over it, and then CHOP IT OFF so they could be so sad. However, once she got to the actual "chop it off" stage, she just couldn't part with it. She loves braids, pony tails, and accessories. One of her favorite thing is to have loads of curls. For her first day of kindergarten with Miss Watanabe, she had me "super curl" her hair.

Asa loves going to the THS Wee Wolf Day Care. It took him a few weeks to figure out how the schedule worked, but he was  a little trooper. Some days the activities completely wear him out and he has to come home for a nap, but he sures enjoys being a wee wolf here. He loves Miss Amy, Miss Rachel, Miss Tregani and Miss Emily. 

He's done well with potty training, and 

had only ONE accident, which is amazing. His shirt here in this photograph reads "My parents are exhausted," and that's insanely true for me.

Jack is in 3rd grade at Bonneville Elementary school and has Mrs. Baudin. He loves her class, but when he clashed with Abby, he was convinced he needed to switch schools. Jack's favorite preparation for school was the "back to school" shopping he did with grandma while mama  and dad were at Wood Badge. He got snazzy new clothes, "fast" shoes, and all black to wear for the first day. He thought he was SO stylish. He loves being stylish.

Max Attack

It's been almost 6 weeks since I last wrote! Max has grown and changed so much in 6 weeks. His favorite thing to do is to crawl around on the floor, sticking his tongue out, and pushing a car while he makes a "thhhh" sound. He's a determined little guy, and he's clever as he is resourceful. He loves to eat paper, tear pages out of books, and crumple pieces of Mama's assignments. In truly Phippen male fashion, he adores anything with buttons, like remote controls and Mama's cell phone. He delights in pressing the talk button on the home phone.

Max understands "No" and delights in doing exactly the opposite. He's just learning cause & effect, and he has started to push things off tables just to watch them fall. His new "cute-isms" include clapping, humming, giving big, real hugs, blowing kisses, waving hello, and climbing anything. He wants to go down items, but he wants to go down the stairs and off of furniture face-first. He pays no attention as he crawls and bangs his head on all sorts of obstacles. His most constant accessory is a bruise on his forehead.

Max understands lots of words, but only says "Mama," "Dad," "Hi," "This," "Nuh," and "baba." He makes noises all the time, so he's easy to track, and he's almost always demanding someone's attention. He's crazy about Asa, but he enjoys all his siblings. He hates being held down by Xandri, and he often wants Jack to take him down the stairs. He'll stand at the gate at the top of our stairs and coax Jack to come and get him.

Max loves swinging in the baby swing in our back yard. He leans over the edge and watches our old dog. The dog seems endlessly fascinating, and she often comes to sniff his feet which makes hin giggle. Max will sit on a "ride-on" toy in the basement and push the buttons, but he won't hang-out in a laundry basket or box. He enjoys being in his high chair only as long as there is continuous company and lots of finger food.

Max's favorite activity is bathing. He adores chasing the bubbles around the tub, and he wants to suck on the washcloth (eeewwww). He sits and splashes and can entertain himself for quite some time. He especially enjoys screaming bloody murder in the bathroom because it echos so nicely. He and Asa often have skull-piercing screaming contests in there.

All in all, Max is growing up too quickly. This last baby-hood has flown past. I haven't had nearly enough time to spend with just Max. Taking him to scout camp with us was nice because he was the only child, but I still feel like I didn't get to spend enough time with him. I don't think I'll ever feel like I spent enough time with him because he is constantly surrounded by the others and I am so amazingly overscheduled. He's easy to love and as he gets older and older he gets to be more fun, but I still miss how wonderful the baby-days have been.

It all happened.
On a Sunday afternoon.
Of being bored .
So I just had to go to the front-yard.
And I had to make some-thing.
I all I had was sticks.
And I made this.


My e-mail is:
jackson.phippen@gmail.com

My Boys... Elastomen?

We have boys at our house. I guess that means we have cuts, colds, stitches, and bumps. It seems like we've had more than our share this month.

First, John cut himself while in the great-out-doors performing his patented pyro-show at a scouting event. Then, he got staph, and then Max & I both got staph. It turns out, if we weren't using the right medicine, so we got to be on medication for a month or more.

Jackson has not been ill, but he's had amazing changes. The biggest change was to be come an actual, uniform-wearing, complete-with-hat Cub Scout. Within the first week he was in scouting, he had earned his Bobcat and the Heart of Scouting. He is so excited to be going to scout day camp on Friday he could about BURST. His love of scouting makes his dad so proud, and his mom so baffled. Did I ever love anything this much when I was the same age? I assume John did.

Asa, however has managed to run into various things this month. He got in-between Xandri and Jack during a fight over a hammer, a for-real hammer, and got a bang from the back of the hammer. So, for a while we called him "Hammer Head" or "Shark Boy" (remember Lava Girl?)

This week, Asa jumped head-first into our brick hearth in our basement. He didn't get stitches, but he did get to wear steri-strips for a week. This is his picture from tonight (on r). I guess he's healed. Even on the night he did it, he didn't seem to mind much!

Of course, Max couldn't be left out. He's crawling, which means he's constantly banging himself on everything. He also falls down things, like stairs, which he learned all about while being at Grandma Viv's, the land of ups and down. When he goes up 2 or 3 stairs, he turns around and looks around. Suddenly, he's rolling to the bottom, and no one, even the person right next to him, is close enough to catch him.

He's had "road rash" from carpet burns (he doesn't put his hands out to catch himself--I thought that was instinctual) and he crawls, often, head down. UGH.

I think we've got them all healed. Now... Family pictures anyone?

My Grandmother's Chairs

All of my life, my parents have owned aone special chair that was petit-pointed by my grandmother. Grandma told me this summer that she chose to do the background of the chairs in maroon because she was doing them for her mother, and her mother had rose colored carpet in her dining room at the time. My grandmother's chairs have a carved wild rose at the top. The wild rose is the provincial flower of Alberta, so that always caught my eye. Grandma told me there were originally 6 of them, and then she had a rocker done in poppies in her bedroom.

These chairs were never around my grandmother's dining table. When I was young, she had a big dining table with high-caned-back chairs with white velvet seats and "shower cap" seat covers in a washable grey velveteen to protect them from us. No, the petit-pointed chairs weren't in the kitchen, either. They were scattered around the house, and we had one at our house. It was special; it was "untouchable."

Before I made the trip to Canada this summer, I saw "my grandmother's chairs!" somewhere. When I got to there, I couldn't remember where or when I saw "those" chairs. I knew they didn't have the petit-pointed seats. While I was describing how different the ones I'd seen were, Vivian was telling me about how she'd chosen the color, Barbara getting the rocker out of a junk box in an old garage.

When we got home last week, my neighbor invited me to her home to help her with a computer issue. She offered me at a seat at her computer, and there were the chairs!! I gasped and said I couldn't possible SIT on one of them, and she laughed and said she was getting rid of them as soon as possible. I was flabberghasted! Getting rid of these chairs?

So on my birthday, my neighbor Brenda brought them over to me. She had 4 of them, and they are now sitting in MY living room, just waiting to be petit-pointed (for those of you who have no idea how to pronounce it, it's "pet-ee-point").

They have a different top design. It's got a raised flower detail, not a carved wild rose. They haven't been refinished... so they have their original finish on them. We haven't decided if that's a positive or not. Certainly, we don't want them to look brand new.

I've chosen a couple of patterns for the seat... and I've done a whole lot of research. I have 4 chairs. I have 4 kids. Someday, their children will have their grandmother's chairs.

My Birthday in Review

So, my birthday was great. I got many wonderful gifts from my children: none of which they picked out, paid for, or wrapped. They were just as happy to give them to me as if they HAD done any of the above.

I collect Willow Tree figurines. Actually, John and I give them to each other. For ME, their facelessness reminds me that I am one of many women doing, feeling, and being the mother of the future. I am united, with every other woman, doing what I can to create a world that's great for the people I love most.

My husband really "gets" me. I know it's because I talk his EAR off about my hopes, goals, dreams, phone calls, experiences, students, etc. I talk A LOT. I know he would tell you the same (although he's a man of few words. You should note, he's never written or commented on "our" blog ever.)

We recently finished reading a book called Queste by Angie Sage. When I saw that it was the title for this piece, I immediately thought it was because of the book. I'm not quite sure what it says to JOHN, but immediately upon seeing it, it reminded me of 2 things. Firstly, "we" did his first degree in business together. I worked myself stupid to keep him in school, and he got marvelous marks and still worked full time. The second thing it reminded me is that we read the same books and have wonderful, inspiring, "book group" discussions about how clever books are. He's the best reading group I've ever had, and he reads to my son every night. He inspires in my children the love of reading. My children know I *teach* reading, that I buy all the books, but my husband brings them to life. His role in my life and the lives of my children is so very beautiful. He takes it so seriously, and he does such a fine job as a husband and father. Anyone could look at our life and see that we are his first priority.

He also bought me a figurine called "Guardian"---and I know I see myself in this way. I think it's lovely that HE knows I consider myself the guardian of children everywhere. I'm not Angelina Jolie. I'll never be an ambassador to the UN, or join UNICEF, or do anything spectacular, but I do view my roll as a protector of the innocent as a real, important "calling" like the Sons of Mosiah (My favorite chapter of all scripture is Mosiah 17. These are verses 13 & 14: 13 And it came to pass when they had arrived in the borders of the land of the Lamanites, that they aseparated themselves and departed one from another, trusting in the Lord that they should meet again at the close of their harvest; for they supposed that great was the work which they had undertaken. 14 And assuredly it was great,

I see myself doing great work simply by touching the lives of my students, friends, and children. I know that what I do is important.

I also see myself as the most important advocate my own children have with the world. The gorgeousness of this figurine for me is that I love my children so very much. They are what I wanted most in life, and I would have given anything, anything to have them.

The third gift he gave me was a figurine called "Child's Touch." Asa said, "That's ME and Mama!" When he saw it. Xandri said, "That's Mama and Max." Jack said, "It's mama and me" and of course, it is all of those. How beautiful that my children still love to be hugged, kissed, have snuggles, and have moments with their mama. There will come a time when Jack doesn't look forward to being able to take my English class. There will come a time when it will make Xandri crazy I know where she is and what she's doing. There will come a time when I'll be angry at Asa for disassembling some important appliance. There will come a time, soon, all too soon, when I won't rock my Max to sleep anymore. He's my last baby, but he's not the last time I will touch the life of a child, nor will it be the last time I have a child touch my life.

My John, my smart, funny, talented, gourmond, architect, scouter, dreaming husband "gets" me; and you know why? It's because we're about the same things. He has the same dreams and goals about building better boys through the scouting program, and I have the same delusions of grandure about teaching. We keep the figurines around to remind us of why we're here, and why we do, every day, what we do.

Life is truly beautiful when you know you're in the right place doing the right thing. Life isn't always about the easy, or the beautiful, "but it's a beautiful ride."

A List from Starr-Brite

My sister-in-law has a lovely list of hopes, dreams, etc. I haven't seen it elsewhere, so I'm creating mine here:

I think: That every moment matters
I know: That my Redeemer lives, and what comfort that gives me daily
I want: My children to have their dreams come true
I have: Too many things to do to squeeze into any 24 hour period
I wish: I could do everything I wanted to the level I know I am possible
I hate: Doing dishes, cleaning the house, and sorting things for good-will.
I miss: My grandparents on a daily basis
I fear: That my mother will never, ever care about life the way she did before my brother died.
I feel: Like every day is important and that I should be anxiously engaged in good causes
I hear: The air rustle from every ceiling fan in my eco-friendly house.
I smell: That certain "home" smell---the one that identifies ONLY my house.
I crave: More positive parent time with my children, where I *want* to be with them, DOING childish things.
I search: For news, knowledge, and ways to connect my children to their past
I wonder: If I will see my daughter's wedding, hold my grandchildren, or if I will die young and miss those magical moments.
I regret: Not going to Europe before we had children.
I love: Writing, reading, knowing, and teaching
I care: About my friends, family, and students.
I always: Pray, over the little things, the big things, and the things that scare me.
I am not: Going to give up.
I believe: Children are the future; teach them well FOR they will lead the way
I dance: To be funny when teaching a lesson. I do a terrible Moon Walk.
I sing: Made up words to common songs that make my children laugh
I don't always: Do my best. Sometimes my goals are too high. Sometimes, I try to do too much. Sometimes, I just can't do what I thought I could.
I fight: For the rights of children in Utah to have good, quality teachers, and to provide the best education possible for their future.
I write: Down my hopes and my dreams, just in case I'm not here to share them with my posterity. I want them to know, I was a dreamer, a do-er, and that my life revolved around teaching, loving, and being all that I could be.
I lose: Track of when my bills are due.
I win: When my children learn new things, understand in profound ways the lessons of universal truth, and come to create opinions of their own and can express them.
I never: Want to harm a child in any way.
I listen: Intently to what people around me say
I can usually be found: At a computer, a desk, or reading a book
I am scared: That I will lose a child, and that it will undo all of my hopes, dreams, and plans
I need: To spend more time being Princess Diana, and less time being "Mommy Dearest."
I am happy about: School starting in 5 weeks.
I tag: Friends---once you get a message from me, I expect to be tagged back!

Happy Birthday to Me...

I've been "online" for 14 years. Before that, I was part of the digital fax age (that's how John & I dated). Before that, I wrote copiously long letters. However, I've never had a digital BIRTHDAY before. Now that I have a Facebook profile, I got digital Happy Birthdays. My online groups at Yahoo reached out and Happy Birthday'd me. I heard from people I haven't seen in years. I had lunch with an old friend, whom I've known since I started teaching, and then got good fortune from a friend whom I have known since middle school. I have friends running out my ears.

Which is the point of my posting. My friends don't come first, but once you are my friend, it's forever. My friends become my family, and I can't think of any friends who are truly friends I haven't corresponded with at least this year. In fact, last year, I decided that all my real friends didn't need Christmas cards because they heard and saw and read about me and mine so often.

Luckily, not only do I have many friends, they are good friends. My next door neighbor (for the past 14 years) brought me bubble bath & lotion. She & I have the same small tub, but she knows I LOVE bubble baths. My sister bought me a vinyled tile about how important teaching is. My German Stacy! bought me an Oprah magazine subscription, a business book about how being right brained makes me rule the world. My sister in law took me to dinner. AND, all of them know it's *exactly* the right gift. Man, I love that.

My husband is making pancakes for dinner. They will be made-from-scratch and be fluffy. I will wear my TorsoPants (t-shirt) that says Pancakes. Then, there will be gifts (which I don't need, but are expected by the children), and then, my kids will ask for the 27th time, "What are we doing for your birthday" and universally agree that birthdays are confusing when you are a grown-up. Xandri has asked if all you get to do on your birthday is eat the food you like. She wants to know where the cake is, and asked why moms don't get Costco cake and invite all their friends over. Asa informed me that he is having a Diego and Cars with 'Mater birthday (take note---as it is next month).

And that's all there is to say about birthdays when you get to be 36. Tomorrow I will just have to be 36, but on my birthday, I GET to be 36. On your birthday, you always have to see that there's still something left in the glass---whether you're got half a glass or even less. It's all about the moments, and you never know when it's your last.

Those Canadian Phippens

The Raymond Parade Pictures: required;
Horses in parade: required;

Candy thrown defying land-speed records: required;

Collecting candy using death defying methods: required;
"Marching bands" on flat-bed trucks: required;

OLD cars: required;

Canada tattoos & stickers: required;

New clothes: required;

WHEW. Glad we got THAT taken care of.

Every family photo ever taken of my family has either been taken AT the Raymond Parade, AFTER the Raymond Parade in Vivian's backyard, or after the parade at the farm on a tractor. It's true: you wanna July photo, it's going to be in red & white clothing with parade paraphanelia. Any and all studio photos taken of my family are done in the fall: right before Christmas cards or at a wedding.

More cute Canada pix: Asa AT parade, and then post-parade with the sucker snuggle.

The True North Strong & Free

We've returned, from the land of the mosquitos and the maple leaves, and the eternally young grandparents. It's always such a rush to go go go, and so hard to get back into the car and come home.

When I was young, and still dating Noah (pre-Ark days, doncha know), I couldn't sleep the night before we'd leave to go to Canada. Those were the days when no passport was required, the border patrol didn't mind we were travelling in the back of a truck with only a shell to protect us, and we had to knock on 2 sets of sliding windows to report our need of a "snake-infested" rest area. Those were the days of no-air-conditioning in the old Suburban and cheap gasoline... Where we'd count the telephone poles and actually play the A-B-C game.

Oh, I love where I live where my children play with their grandparents and cousins---but oh, I miss where home is and the flag blows stiff in a chinook and the Hutterite granaries are built into the sides of the coolees. Each year, as I leave, I realize it's one more year that I'll never live in Canada again. Of course, I know that as long as my parents and family live in the States, I'll never live in Canada again, but it's one more click of the door on time. One more moment, one more realization that time is not how one would have it, but of how one creates it.

I asked my sister Kristen if she didn't feel like we were living the same week over and over again, with a year interspersed. She replied that we were actually living the same Sunday afternoon over and over again, and even the conversation was only slightly different. What have they done in Frog Bottom? Who's built their house in Wally World? How did Disneyland get built in our old cow pasture? Of course, that's been Scovil land as long as anyone could remember!!

Dad had his 40th high school reunion this year. Of a class of 50, 31 one classmate were there. 8 of them had already retired and asked when Dad would retire. I can't imagine a day when he might, and yet... some day he *might.* How strange that seems. I guess time creeps ever forward. I noticed that the table I colored on as a child is in Joan's kitchen, and the table from Joan's kitchen is now in Steele's, but the overlap of the familiar is always there. The more things change---the more they stay the same.

O, Canada, when next we meet again,

I meet you there with my American Passport in hand

Oh, they all might call it Canada, but I'll always call it home!

They Paved Paradise...

I took a drive down memory lane yesterday; it's the annual road-dig in Orem. I had to detour to 1000 East in Orem to get around the new light they're installing as they widen 800 North... and suddenly I was 16 again. I was driving down His Street (you know The Boy, the one, true, first "insanely-in-love" past all sense and good reason Boy? Remember him?). The trees were bigger. The road was newly paved, and I felt 16 again. The big differences? I was driving my luxury Avalon (not a beater VW Bug) and my best friend didn't live at the end of the street. The irony? My husband's best friend DOES. ;o)

My "20 Years Ago" journey also took me past Orem High. They've ripped out the front lawn and are putting in all the plumbing, sewer, etc. for the new Orem High that they're building in the parking lot. I'll have to take a final tour during the school year. The wood shop is gone. The theatre's gone. The A gym is gone. It's very, very surreal to watch the past disappear, especially once I'd taught there and knew what the teacher's bathroom looked like (same as the rest) and that the faculty lounge had free popcorn and 25 cent soda. God bless John Childs!

So, the change, the growth, the annual road-dig reminded me that my children don't know what MY Orem looked like. Their Orem is a sprawling city with lots of pink brick and tan stucco. It bears no resemblance to our brown/red/cream brick with brown trim and siding... So yesterday, we took a tour. A road-trip about town. I showed them where our first house was in Orem (it's for sale, by the way!) I showed them where my best friend Kim lived. We drove by Sherm & Susan's, and Jim & Linda had baby swings and grandchildren toys in the front yard. My, how time has changed!

My house, the house I "grew up" in, has a gorgeous, fully grown maple in the yard. The old apple tree is gone. It's owner drives a darling yellow Mini-Cooper, but otherwise: time has stood still. The real change is inside of me and was with me in my 8-miles-to-the-gallon Suburban. My babies and I are now Timberwolves. We go to the "new" school, and we sing the THS fight song (2 of them know every word!) My love, past all reason and good sense, has produced the only people on earth I would live and die for, and there they were, reliving my childhood as I build theirs.

It was a lovely day, and the children even had the good sense not to fight. Some days really ARE paradise.

We're Our Way...

We're on our way to Grandma's House on Saturday! Another year has flown by, and we're SO excited to be on our way to Canada again. Xandri and Jack are counting down the days. Xandri is looking forward to making buns with Vivian, and she wants JJ to paint her fingernails PINK!

Jack is dying to show off his motorcycle prowess. Asa just knows we're going in the car. Max will be MAD we're going in the car. His newest, favorite thing is to cry like he's being tortured when put in his car seat. A bass on a fly-fishing pole thrashes less than Max whilst in his car seat. Seriously.

It's exciting and freaky. I hate going across the border. I have documentation and more documentation, so it should all go smoothly. If not, I'll be posting again from Canada. Ha!

Bon voyage, etc. Catch ya on the 'eh side!

Oh What Do You Do in the Summertime?

When everyone else is OUT of school? If you are ME, you go back and teach MORE school, because everyone knows that you identify yourself as a teacher first, it's impossible to break the habit of teaching!!

I'm feeling really stressed, and quite far behind. I don't have my disclosure document prepared, I don't have my items from my classroom yet, and I am feeling overwhelmed!!

My intrepid Max, after being saved from one fall off of the bed, a self-inflicted pencil wound, and a header into my shelves, then proceeded to fall off the bed whilst I had one hand on his ankle. He's so very capable of doing only what he wishes, no matter how much danger he puts himself into. I'm afraid to say he gets that from me!

I asked John to give me a blessing last night. I certainly hope I have a good three weeks, and I hope that I can touch and teach the students in the way I wish.

I hope that their summertime is just as mine.

8 is Great

Jack and Makenna were baptized today (with no help from me, as I've been ill for the entire week). It went well, aside from a small snafu with the address to the church. We had half of the Lindon address and half of the Orem address. The church sits on the boundaries of both cities.

Here's the photo for the invite (that I was to ill to send):

Makenna sang. It was lovely. Grandma Max gave the Holy Ghost talk. They each got a blanket embroidered with their names on it to remember the Holy Ghost. Each received scriptures. Touchingly, Jack has my brother David's scriptures. Dave had received them for Christmas only months before he died. Jackson treasures them; he remembers David very vividly. I said to my dad that I hoped Dave got a furlough to be at the baptism today.

Aunt Sarah sent each of them towels with their names embroidered on them. It was a wonderful day of gifts, both of the spirit and of the temporal. John had never baptized before, and so the baptism of his son was that much more meaningful.

It's great to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My two old friends in my ward are now in the stake primary presidency, and they played the piano and led the music. How lucky to know and love everyone at an event. The dinner afterward was great---lovely cake and ham with buns. It was an important moment in all our lives: another day to be grateful to be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing.

Who Names Their Kid After Cheese??

It's interesting how life winds in and out in it's beautiful tapestry. It brings people together although they've been apart for years, sometimes all at once, and often for the best.

This weekend, over Memorial Day, I met up with old friends Micah Pullins and Colby Clark. Cole, who John and I have always been most fond of, always laments, "What kind of a name is Colby? It's a cheese! Who names their kid after cheese?"

Lately, over the past 2 weeks, the summer school program has been advertising for a Language Arts teacher. Colby's dad is in charge of the summer program this year, and as Mark and Colby were golfing on Saturday, Mark mentioned my gasoline costing 50-55 cents per mile, and Cole mentioned that his dad was hiring English teachers.

Eh, voila! I am teaching summer school starting on Monday. I'll be teaching without a break---and then for the next 3 weeks. WOW. Whew!! I can't believe I am going to do this. It makes my heart beat faster in fear---new students, new curriculum, longer classes...

Wish me luck!!

Mr. Maxwill Grows Up!!

Max has made HUGE accomplishments this WEEK. He has his new L lower front tooth, and he's crawling on hands and knees---FORWARD. Go Max!! He's darling and he never stops! He does love his crib at night, and although he only says "Dad, Dad, Dad" he knows Mama. He also knows Asa's name and looks for Asa when you say, "Where's Asa??"

Such a cutie pie!

What's New With Max?

Max is growing so big, so fast! I am amazed at how different each of my children are, right from birth. Maxwill has a huge personality. He's very determined; he knows what he wants, and when he wants it, he wants it immediately. In this way, he's very like both his mom and his dad. ;o)

Max's round head has required that he sleep on his belly, which has made him adore all things done on his tum. He's now rocking on his knees, and he's mastered backward scooting. When he gets "stuck", he raises the roof in frustration.

Max loves his "bumbo" and sitting up. He's not sitting by himself yet, but he does adore high chairs, walkers, and being able to be part of the group. He also likes the swing. However, Max doesn't love doing anything for very long. He wants to be moving, moving, moving. Toys are a delight to him now, and he is still crazy about stuffed animals; he likes to touch faces, grab at clothing or cloth, and he stuffs everything in his mouth. He usually bonks himself on the head, and that makes him terribly angry. He's getting much better at getting things in his mouth the first time, which is great for all of us.

Another skill Max is mastering is speech. He's learned to say "Da-da-da-da." He loves to lay on his back and say "Dad." He also loves to stick out his tounge and suck on his bottom lip. He's getting good at all of that. It's great to see him advance!

He's starting to notice his feet, which is fun. That's the next "step" I guess! He's almost ready to grab them. Babies certainly don't stay babies for long!

Max has started eating anything and everything. He consumed several graham crackers tonight, which he enjoyed tremendously. He was covered in them. He loves rice cereal and oatmeal, and we haven't found anything he won't eat!

Max has moved to the next size of clothing, and he's ready to move to the next size car seat! I do adore this stage of childhood. He's still small enough to snuggle, but delightful to play with. He laughs when we do funny things; he delights when we repeat his words back to him; he knows his name; he recognizes dad and mama's voice; and he loves his siblings, especially Asa.

One other interesting thing about Max is the way he looks. Instead of being tall and lanky like my other babies, Max is round, chubby, and reminds me of my brother David. He looks so much like my dad, and I guess by extension, like me. It's fun to see the past in the future. It's also tantalizing to wonder what will come...

My greatest delight in life has been the adventure of my children. They are each so beautiful: Jack has an intense, genuine sincerity. Xandri has a love of life, music, and people. Asa is at a tender, loving age, and his kisses and snuggles are priceless. His little face lights up my life with hope in the future. My baby is simply a living gift. He's all love and all joy. Even being up with him in the middle of the night is lovely---his joy at being with me, and my love for him is a huge blessing.

Anniversaries

John and I have now been married 14 years! Wow! Time flies by.
For our anniversary, we went to The Gateway and saw Leatherheads and ate at Z'Tehas. It was a lovely restaurant. The food was lovely; the movie was great! Our kids had a fantastic time at Grandma & Grandpa Phippen's watching a movie while Max spent the evening with April, his favorite daycare provider.

We're lucky! It turns out that being married is hard work, but it's worth it. I never predicted where we'd be at 14 years. When we first started planning, we dreamed we'd have 2 children when we'd been married 5 years... we didn't get our first until we'd been married 6. We dreamed we'd build a big, barn house... we're still in our "starter" home and expect to stay here forever. We dreamed I'd be a stay-at-home-mama... and I'm the insurance, stable job. All of these changes have been a wonderful, circuitous journey.


Ithaca
When you start on your journey to Ithaca,
then pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
Do not fear the Lestrygonians
and the Cyclopes and the angry Poseidon.
You will never meet such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your body and your spirit.
You will never meet the Lestrygonians,
the Cyclopes and the fierce Poseidon,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not raise them up before you.

Then pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many,
that you will enter ports seen for the first timewith such pleasure, with such joy!
Stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and corals, amber and ebony,and pleasurable perfumes of all kinds,
buy as many pleasurable perfumes as you can;
visit hosts of Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from those who have knowledge.

Always keep Ithaca fixed in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for long years;
and even to anchor at the isle when you are old,
rich with all that you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have taken the road.
But she has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not defrauded you.
With the great wisdom you have gained, with so much experience,
you must surely have understood by then what Ithacas mean.

-K. P. Kavafis (C. P. Cavafy),

Adventures in Technology

Well, 0ur family has made a few leaps in technology. Jack has his own email address to practice reading and writing, and I put myself on "facebook"--mostly so I could keep up with the kids. I want to know what they are seeing and doing, so that I'm not in the dark as my kids are growing up. I want to be, not "cool" (although I am *so* much cooler online), but at least "in the know." It makes me crazy not to *know* what's going on.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes, I really don't want to know. I always tell my students the immoral or the illegal. That is still true. But: I do want to know what technology I am up against. I need to know what "the wall" is. Although the old cliche about "writing on the wall" seems to work pretty well. Ha. I also want to know, and haven't been able to find out, what a "poke" is--but everyone I've asked is also not in the know. Must be a generation gap between me and the site. HA, ha.

John, he frowns on it. He definitely is anti-MySpace, anti-Facebook, anti-anything-where-people-forget-who-they-are-and-what-they-stand-for. Me... I'm curious about what's going on that I don't know about. Mostly, I want to know, just to know. I'm a writing voyeur. I read what others write, very rarely blogging or reading myself. I send and read thousands of email in a week--and all that communication is just as transitory as a phone call. It's really just here and gone. It's noise, not long-term-communication. Say something wrong, bad, ugly, or illicit: someone will remember. Blog about minutia, and no one even cares. I'm one of the minutiae writers. SIGH.

Was also Joan Crawford today, but taking points for getting dinner from Arby's and flouride from the pharmacy. Not Princess Diana, but also not wire hangers. I gotta come up with something in-between...

Today's Update, mid-day

Jack's moment: On Monday, Jack was in tears because he had submitted a bit to be written in an online story that's in a "game" I've asked him to play. We call it, "Are you smarter than a 10th grade ESL Student" and he reads a passage (same passage as my English Second Language learners) and takes the tests. He's right on par with the kids. He thought FOR SURE he'd get his piece of writing "published" and I didn't explain that it was a random, computer generated pick of the submissions. Anyway, he went to bed on Monday wanting to have a "real book" like that, so I spent time making the book. After I'd made the book special, I was so tired that I sat down to write in it; what I wrote is not just funny---it didn't make SENSE it was so garbled. You could tell that I was falling asleep as I wrote it because the handwriting would slant, and I'd write things like "of America" when it wasn't supposed to be there! I almost never cross anything out when writing, and yet, my handwriting was slanted... it would get tiny as my eyelids closed! Note to self: Don't write in journal for child after 1am. Don't do ANYTHING besides sleep after 1am. Jack is going to sleep over at Grandma Max's on Friday, and he has already packed his bag. It's sitting in the hallway ready to go at a moment's notice.

Xandri's moment: Xandri is very much in the "silly stage"---she gave a marvelously silly performance for her piano teacher. UGH. She is doing well in piano, and she does practice when asked, but this is when I can see the differences in ages/stages with her and Jack. Blissfully, they are not yet on the same page in the book, so I have 2 different lessons to work on, but she has very good musicality. Her position at the piano will improve, and she loves doing the exercises when it involves a Tinker Bell sticker--stickers are still her great reward. I will be registering her for Kindergarten as soon as I get one more piece of paper... She got her shots (she said she WAS shot).

Asa's moment: Asa loves the piano, too. He learned the piano teacher's name yesterday (it's Jubal Joslyn) and he marched around the house saying "Jooo-bull! one! two! Jooo-bull! one! two!" He can hardly WAIT to start piano, and he has figured out which fingers are 2, and he puts both of them on middle C and says, "one! two!" then he turns the pages in the book. Funny. He calls all his colors by the color of the cars in the Disney movie Cars. His favorite color is currently "McQUeen" (red). He can differentiate between Sally (a lighter blue) and Doc (a Royal blue). If you ask him what color something is, he'll usually say "Pooh-pull" as that is a cool word to say.

Max's Moment: Max has learned that his HANDS are a wonderful gift. He can pass his toys between his R hand and his L hand, and he now wants to chew on something whilst passing the toy. He prefers to chew the toy, but if it doesn't sit right, or he can't get it in his mouth, or it doesn't taste right, etc. he screams and screams. He likes to play the 2 binky game. One soother to chew on and one to pass from hand to hand. That game consumed most of our evening last night. He also jumped in how much he is eating: he's now gulping down almost 6 ounces of milk---and he's my first really ROUND baby. His grin lights up rooms, and he loves attention. He throws tantrums to get attention. Any attention is good attention; he stayed captivated at the baby shower I hosted on Saturday for hours because people were smiling and talking to him. When NOT being held, he is not as delightsome.

My class is back from their "Student Educational/Occupational Planning" meeting, so I must go

Oh, the Frustration!!

Max has moments when he's so frustrated because his skill hasn't caught up with his wants.
He can pass an object from hand t0 hand, but if he drops it, he screams, HOWLS, with frustration. He also knows to complain until he gets someone, anyone, to pick him up. It doesn't seem to matter who's attention it is, excepting Xandri. He knows he's not entirely safe with her!!


He wants to pass the toys hand to hand into his mouth---but he's not always successful, and he frustrates easily. He screams with it, even while he's still got the toy in his hand because it doesn't perform up to his expectation. He can't make it do what he wants, can't make it taste or feel like he wants it to. He is angry WITH THE TOY, even as he gnaws at parts of it. Someone needs to chill out!! It would be funny, if it weren't indicative of how he may react to not-getting-his-way for the rest of his life.

He does like stuffed animals. I never knew what they were good for, before this. I thought they were simply decorative. Imagine my surprise! His favorite object is currently a floppy bear dressed as a blue bunny, or an Eeyore. Both were gifts, and both are loved, so that's good, I guess. I'd be better if he wasn't acting so much like demon spawn.

I Killed the Computer

So... I got about 500 (1/2 an Amazon.com box) of papers recorded. At 3:30am, the computer and the network hiccuped (this is the official term the computer geek at school used) and I lost my grading program! Good news, I had *just* backed up the data. But, I didn't get ALL the papers graded, and my flunking ESL students are FRANTIC because two of them made the baseball team and one of them made the soccer team: those events equal good grades.

Tomorrow is Friday! TGIF. Then on Saturday, I'm hosting a baby shower. I'm thrilled to be doing it, but hope that I have enough energy after the all-nighter.

Gotta go love the kids for a minute. Only 2 of them are currently screaming.

When Mama's Not Happy, Ain't NOBODY Happy

I have 1,000 papers sitting next to me. 700 of them have "scores" or can be simply scored. SEVEN HUNDRED PAPERS. Then, I have 300 essays, and on Friday, I will have 140 more essays coming home. Each paper must be read, graded on a rubric, etc. That's just the paperwork, though. My ESL 10---and they read on a 3rd grade level---has to be babied and I can NOT find a book on a 3rd grade reading level that will appeal to a high school kid. If you have any ideas, I beg of you---send 'em my way. They are still a bit too low for most chapter books. Envision that, would you?

Then, I have the actual teaching. I want to go on record, when I do an assignment or teach a lesson, I am ON for 80 minutes. I don't hang back. I'm there, I'm engaging, I'm goofy, I'm doing bad pop-culture references, I'm trying to tie the kids in... I can not get any grading done during the day, and I have no prep period on one of my days. Ridiculously heavy class load, all the hardest kids, and a 2 specialty classes. I swear, I'm about to crack up.

Then, we have this rule at our house. It's a dad rule, because Mama can't figure out how to make it work. When we get home, Jack is supposed to immediately do his homework. Xandri feels she must immediately eat THREE snacks (enough for 3 children, anyway); Asa wanders about whining about how "tard" (tired) he is so that somone (like the mama) will give him a bottle. He has not had anything from a bottle from the mama in over a week. Max MUST be fed---he screams until he's hoarse; he gets sweaty; he wheezes---and it's been a long time since he was last fed, and he's the littlest, so he does get to go first.

Then, we have to sign the homework. Then, we have to have "the report" from Jack's day, complete with cute hand-guestures and interminably long explanations. Then Asa must return to whine about something new (but see paragraph above. Now he's "Hungry!! My tummy's HUNGRY.") Then Xandri comes to tease Asa/Jack/Max, whomever she can find. Then it's time to do piano.

Are you tired yet? It's not even 5pm! I've been at this day since 7am.

Then we do the piano theory work---it's new in our schedule. We're working on beat/measure/clapping/fingerwork, and it's all done at the kitchen table. Xandri's doing REALLY well. I made Jack furious tonight. It was an exact repeat of my dad trying to figure out why I couldn't do math. I finally told him that I refused to make him cry, and that he was NOT ALLOWED to practice it wrong, so we'd come back to it tomorrow. Does anyone have a spare metronome? He's not COUNTING, and he's mad at ME for noticing it.

Asa loves the piano playing part. He counts 2, 3, 2, 3, and he plays with good position, etc. He is NOT taking lessons. He's TWO for heaven's sake. He loves to sing along, and he's DYING to play like the other kids. It's cute, and he's figured out to watch, not play.

Xandri is doing well, but we did have a tiny melt-down, so we decided to be finished. Most of the melt-down was because Max was screaming. By the time Daddy got home at 6:15, we were ALL tired of each other: Jack was cross because he couldn't play his song perfectly (and I had pointed it out); Xan was cross because we hadn't signed her up for kindergarten (second child I've missed K registration for...); Asa was HUNGRY; Max was GRUMPY and feeling Mama-Deprived.

This was a normal day. I wish they weren't all like this. I really don't feel like this is what I signed UP for, you know??

A Visit to the Doctor

Max and Mama had to go see Grandpa Doctor (that's what Jack called Grandpa Bill when he was a toddler.) Max got to have his 4 month old check---and FOUR vaccines! Oh, man, I'm fairly certain that he's channeling several of the 7 dwarves: Grumpy, Dopey, Sleepy and some of the cousins: Irritable and Cranky. At least, he's received his pneumovax, which is what I wanted the most. He's been wheezy from his colds. Poor Max, he's been the sickest of all my babies. I guess it's hard to be a winter babe.

Mama had a mole and a cyst removed---and they were pretty ouchy. Then I spent Max's nap time getting stuff for the baby shower I'm hosting for one of my favorite people on Saturday. It was fun---until the Tylenol and benzocaine wore off!

We've spent the rest of the day kinda being cross and miserable. I have no idea whether Max will sleep this evening, but he's currently screaming his lungs out and I'm pretty miserable about it. I sure hope vaccines work because they are traumatic---mostly for me. HA.

Max Moments

Max has figured out his KNEES work!! He's standing on his feet, having someone hold him up, and he's bending his knees up and down, moving! So cute!

Max has also figured out
1. His fist is far superior to his binky
2. He loves 2 fingers very best
3. He complains so people will come and give him attention (such complaining is LOUD and irritating)
4. He asks to eat much, much too soon, so someone will pick him up and snuggle him
5. He loves toys, and everything goes in his mouth
6. He's crazy about his brother Asa
7. He screams, often for no discernable reason
7. He loves bathing
8. Mom's bed is the best bed in the house
9. Mom is superior to any other person, even if some other person is already holding, petting, snuggling, etc., holding him
10. Mom moves faster than the average bear to get to Max.

Max is very bright. And adorable.

Love One Another

Tonight, as I sit here at Parent/Teacher Conference and wonder why they turned the heat off at 7:30 when we all have to be here until 9, I am catching up on my email. Pastor Chad at the Evangelical Church sent an email (about Lent) reminding us that “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35.

I'm not really feelin' the love tonight as we do parent/teacher. It's kinda funny how everyone puts on a game-face and comes to school---each parent braced for the best or worst. I can tell where I am in the line-up of teachers by how hostile parents are toward their students, or how frustrated, or how proud. AH, parent/teacher conference. Gotta love it.

I should be grading my 600 essays. Guess I'll get right on that!

Celebrating Love?

Yesterday was a Joan Crawford day for me. Today is midterm at school, and I had 600 papers to record (didn't get them *graded* but I do have them *recorded* as in my possession). I didn't get home from school until 4:30, when I had to wrestle Xandri and her huge paper heart and balloons, Asa and his Valentine "plane" (paper, zooming all around), Max and his carrier and bag, and Jack who proceeded to empty his entire backpack, coat, and boots all over my car before we could get inside the house.

After we sorted all that out, we had to have a snack, clean up the Valentine holocaust, get all of Jack's coat, shoes, boots, book (which was outside on the side-walk, btw) inside the house. Then we had to clean our bedrooms. Then we cleaned the table for dinner. Then we fed the baby, held the baby, everyone tried comforting the baby. By then, it was 6pm, no dinner had been made, and everyone was cross. It's a good thing we exchanged Valentine's gifts in the MORNING when we weren't so cross!!

Dinner ended up being leftovers, none of which I could eat because all things bovine bother Max, and the veggies were cauliflower & broccoli. I ended up having a sandwich and then we all had a "deck" of chocolate cards. I bought a "royal flush" box of chocolate, so each person got theirs: King (daddy ate Max's), Queen, Jack, Ace & I ate the 10. Then, the kids went to bed and I stayed up until 3am to grade papers.

Wow. Do we know how to celebrate love, or what? Jack couldn't even write notes on his Valentines for his friends because "We're having note problems at school, mom. People are sending notes that say, 'I hate you.'" I guess that starts young, too.

Hope your day of love was more celebration than ours. It did have its moments: When Asa gave me a Valentine "tiss", when Xandri opened all her Valentine's in my class telling me which people she liked and which she didn't, when Jack told Max over and over that he loved him because he was the perfect brother... It had its moments. I guess it can't be all fireworks and parades. This year was definitely full of quick bits of love.

Sick-os

John woke up middle of the night, fever & chills. Seems to be a repeat of what I had Friday and Saturday and what Xandri had Sunday and today. So... he didn't even feel guilt calling in sick (although we don't think he GETS sick days, actually. It's never been discussed before.)

I went to a conference, and my A4-call-the-police ESL class asked why I was so happy today. Today I found a program that will actually tell me, test level/lexile level how well the students read.

My top student reads at an 8th grade level. My bottom student doesn't/can't speak English at all---needs a translator. God bless us, the Future of America can be so scary!! Hopefully this kid will learn English because his goal is to play baseball at BYU, marry a beautiful woman, and then go home to Mexico. Isn't that *everyone's* dream??

No, Really, Who Would You Vote For?

I'll admit it: I'm a liberal. Hannity would call me a liber-nazi. I post NEA pickets in my front yard. I'm a pacifist. I openly detest guns. I have more than several sets of gay friends, and I discuss them (and even have traveled with them and to them). I'm not a normal Utah Mormon. I also don't vote, so my neighbors don't worry about me.

My students view me as "An Adult" which lumps me with everyone Establishment over the age of 25. (HA! That number looks so young now!) They are very concerned with Politics and "The Race" because some of them can actually vote in this coming election, and Mitt Romney is no longer a candidate! Who, they ask, WHO will Utah vote for.

I adore politics. I don't know if it's because I can't vote that they fascinate me so, or if it's because I like being the "Switzerland" of voting in my neighborhood... or just what exactly. I do remember when I became a Democrat (during the first Gulf war) and that being openly in favor of the ACLU was one of the reasons my dad didn't want me to go the the University of Utah or to become a lawyer. Now that I'm really going to become a citizen, I realize this WILL be the last election I'll be neutral. Who would I vote for?

When my students asked me this question, I looked back at the old Nielsen's Chocolate map of Canada hanging on my classroom wall. I won't be able to argue politics in my classroom once I am an actual voting citizen. I might be seen as biasing the vote. I will miss that, miss it very much. We did discuss who Utah might vote for, as we know Utah despises Hillary. It will be a very "Anyone-but-Hillary" campaign in Utah, but the Republicans are also facing an uphill battle because it's not nice to call people un-Christian, Mr. Huckabee; and Senator McCain isn't looking too popular either.

As we discussed political candidates in my classroom, I was laughing to the point where I had tears coming from my eyes. One of my students seriously believed that if Hillary were elected, she'd be the First Lady and Bill Clinton would be President again. I said, "No, Bill Clinton will be the First Lady. If he wants to have a tea party in the Rose Garden, he can. He can choose the drapes in the White House, but he can't be President again." I think that's part of Hillary's problem: the voters can't separate her from Bill. I can honestly say, I wouldn't vote for Hillary.

The real honest answer is that I've always felt smug that *I* never voted for ANY of the politicians. I never caused any of this mess. I have always been above, without, divorced. Next time, I won't be. This is my last chance to be "Switzerland."

Sickies

We all went to church today, but half way through the singing time, I realized that Xandri was SO sick---burning up with fever. She has slept the entire day, so we hope she's soon better. It seems she had what the boys had last week. Since I have a meeting tomorrow, I guess John will be staying home with her tomorrow.

It's hard to be a working mom when the kids are sick; it's even worse when my mom and dad are out of town and no one can help with any of the sick kids. Mom and dad went with Mark & Kris to Kauai to stay in a presidential condo. Mom scheduled it for Mark... but it looked so good that she and dad went, too. It's supposed to be 30 degrees (F) and snow like mad on Wednesday here. Hawaii sounds good today!!

Vivian called tonight and said that the temperature was -36C in Edmonton, and with the wind-chill it was -54C . NEGATIVE. In CELSIUS. Goodness. That's way too cold.

Life is made in moments that that your breath away

We laughed
Until we had to cry
And we loved
Right down to our last goodbye
We were the best
I think we'll ever be
Just you and me
For just a moment

Time goes on
People touch and then they're gone
And you and I
Will never love again
Like we did then

Someday, when we both reminisce
We'll both say
There wasn't too much we missed
And through the tears
We'll smile when we recall
We had it all
For just a moment

Jack & Grief

Recently, after President Hinckley died, Jack started to think about his great-grandparents. As Jack was laying in bed tonight, he wondered how old Great-grandpa Ira is. When I told him Ira is now 88 years old, Jack was thrilled because it meant that Ira has 12 years left to live.

I'm not sure where Jack got the idea that people "get" 100 years to live, but he believes it in his heart. We had a long discussion about how long people "get" in their lives, and that Uncle Dave only got 24, and President Hinckley only got 97. I also told him that grandpa's lungs aren't healthy and that they hurt all the time and that grandpa probably won't get 12 more years.

Jack's sensitive soul is sore tonight. I remember when I realized that people died, and Jack has been dealing with death for almost 3 years. He is now worrying that we won't get to see Ira this summer, and he cried because Vivian will be so lonely without Ira. His sweetness touches me.

Being a parent is so up and down. Earlier today, I was feeling very Joan Crawford. There are many days I feel like wicked-no-wire-hangers-Crawford when my goal in life is to be more like Princess Diana, arms wide-open-on-the-boat type mom. I figure if I have only 3 hours a day, I should always be wide-open. Unfortunately, I'm just me. I hope it's enough.

These discussions with my children, Xandri reminding Jack that someday I am going to die and he'll have to wait to see me, remind me that I'm all that my kids have in the mom department. It reminds me that I need to remember that---there's no back-up mom for these kids. I guess I need to get the poster of Diana, just to remind myself what I'm all about...

Ash Wednesday--Seek & Ye Shall Find

It's Ash Wednesday today. Lent started this morning. Christ Evangelical Church (where my friend Tracy is the church secretary) is doing 40 days of prayer that correspond to Lent, and they sent this as their "thought of the day"---it goes along well with what I've been thinking/doing with my patriarchal blessing:

FEBRUARY 6
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me if you seek Me with all your heart."Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV translation)

The King James Translation
11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your cheart.

"I'll seek the Lord early while in my youth, and He will help me to know the truth. I'll search the scriptures and find Him there, then go to my Father in fervent prayer. I'll seek the Lord early and I'll obey His living prophets and all they say. I'll keep His commandments; His love will abound; I will seek the Lord early and He shall be found."

NICU Tribute

Before I was a NICU- mom, I had thought birth was a natural event.

I couldn’t have imagined a full perinatalogy team all yellow-suited working to make my child breathe, how quickly one group of people could work together, or how quiet moments after birth could be. I had no idea that silence after delivery was deafening, frightening, and eerie. I didn’t know I would hold my own breath until my child took his.

Before I was a NICU-mom, I’d never suited up to enter a sterile center

I didn’t measure time in nursing rotations.

I didn’t admire neonatalogists, NICU-nurses, and grief therapists

I didn’t know that each hospital had a patient coordinator.

Before I was a NICU-mom, I didn’t know machines could be both beautiful and terrifying; that positive air pressure was a blessing, gavage feeding gentle, and kangaroo care healing.

Before I was a NICU-mom, I measured child development in weeks and months instead of hours and days. I didn’t worry that my child wouldn’t meet milestones; I simply waited for them. I had never worried that I would hear the word "blindness" or "cerebral palsy." I had no idea what it was like to wait to see how seriously my child would be impaired.

Before I was a NICU-mom, I thought that premature babies were simply tiny fighters, not a fragile future. I’d never measured time in the hospital as negative development time. I’d never feared a doctor’s visit, what he would say, or wondered if I’d ever take my baby home.

Before I was a NICU-mom, I didn’t know I’d need permission to touch, hold, feed, change, sing, and care for my own child. I didn’t realize that I could and would be denied simple actions performed by a qualified staff so that I wouldn’t injure my tiny baby. I didn’t know that bandages remove baby skin; IV’s have to be flushed and are painful; light has to be blocked but round-the-clock staff must still see; schedules are all-important, and each event recorded. Nothing is too small to note when your baby is in the NICU. It all matters.

Before I was a NICU-mom, I didn’t realize there was an entire level of medicine developed to provide for me and mine that I didn’t even know I’d ever need, or know that everyone there would want what I want for my baby.

Before I was a NICU-mom, I measured time in minutes, days, weeks, years; now I measure them in seconds, hours, days, weeks—each more precious than the last. I’ve learned to seize and savor those moments, because I was a NICU-mom.

Jillian Phippen

God Be With You Till We Meet Again

I have been especially touched by the line in my patriarchal blessing that says I need to follow the prophets because I've always simply considered the LIVING prophet. It reminds me that line upon line includes the important messages of the past: plant a garden, every member a missionary, be a worthy, temple attending people, have a year's supply.

I think what I will remember about President Hinckley is that he made me realize that even prophets strive to "stand a little taller" and that even those whom we consider perfect aren't and are consistently working every day to "get up and go to work." When people ask me HOW I do all that I do every day, I always reply, "I get out of bed"--and go and do the work.

My personal motto in life is from my favorite scripture "...that they separated themselves and departed one from another, trusting in the Lord that they should meet again at the close of their harvest; for they supposed that great was the work which they had undertaken."

Every day as I leave my husband, my little kids, my house, end a phone call with my grandparents, I have to hope that we will all meet again at the close of our harvest---when ever that close comes---and that when we meet again, we'll be thrilled to find that we are all "still bretheren in the Lord" and that what I have devoted my life to was a great work, and that my children will know it's a great work.

What I've been inspired to do since the prophet died is to learn for myself what it means to "go forth with faith" knowing that God has a plan for me, and that as I do my best to "stand a little taller" I can be all that He planned for me, that I can fulfill the measure of my creation so that at the end of my harvest, He'll say "Well done" and I can wait for the rest of my loved ones knowing that the work they do here on earth is what they suppose to be great.

President Hinckley was MY prophet---the first prophet I have had a real, true testimony where I knew HE was the right man for the right job, that God had led and guided to lead his church. Now, I will have to find that same testimony about President Monson, and I find that hard and scary, but I will find it because I learned from President Hinckley that "God is at the helm." Time after time he told us that, and I believe him.

I've been struck, over and over again, by how often "God Be With You 'Till We Meet Again" was played; for me, that reflects my hopes and dreams for my family, that we'll be together, encircled about by the angels of heaven; there are those on the other side who are waiting for us to close our missions so we can be together again, too, and when time is endless and forever, we will have all of that to truly be together, to grow, to share, to know. I guess I have never had a stronger testimony of the eternities as I do now, and that is a true blessing from the Lord.

Xanadu's Birthday Party

Well, her party was a BUST. Not one person from the Phippen family came, and only Grandma Max & Grandpa Bill came from the Preston side! Grandma Max brought a Costco sheet cake that said "Happy Birthday Xanadu" (done in a Valentine's day pattern Xandri picked) and we added the 6 princess PVC characters that Xanna loves.

To have help eating the cake, we invited the neighbors over. Jason Bird, my longest neighbor and daycare "Aunt" Jackie's husband, brought 2 of his kids, and my best friend RaeLyn and our favorite babysitter Kallie came to help eat cake. Then we sent lots and lots of cake home with them!

Xandri got lots of clothes, Dora Mermaid paraphenalia, some replacement Disney Polly Pocket dolls, and she wore a crown and costume to the party. I'll get some pictures postetd soon.

If you get a chance, wish her a happy birthday! She was thrilled to hear from Great-grandma JJ and Great-grandma Viv and Great-grandpa Ira. Those were wonderful phone calls for her. She's blessed to be a favored grand-daughter... No one can help loving our Xanadu!

Come to Xan-Diva's Par-tay...

When she was born, she had a perma-frown,
Now our princess wears a perma-crown.
Sometimes we think she's all sweetness and splenda
And others, a bossy, song-singing Xan-Diva.
At 2, she called herself "Popper Thippen,"
But now she's usually just Xandri Phippen.
This year is her big one, for now there'll be school
With kindergarten and piano lessons now on her schedule

Please join us next Saturday, sometime after six-ish
We'll sing and have cake with ice cream in "Tink" dishes
Come dressed as your favorite princess or as Tinker Bell,

Or come just to chat and to wish Xandri well.

PARTY:
Saturday
February 2
6:30pm

C-Tiara-Rings

Remember this princess?

And this one?

When she went to church the first Sunday of the year, Sister Hamm was giving a lesson about tiaras, she was sure. She promised she wanted to wear her tiara ring ALL the time. "CTiara Ring." Delightful! Jack, of course, set her straight. It's a CTR ring, silly. CTR.

She likes tiara better, but she now calls it a CTR ring...

Mr. King, I Share Your Dream

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

My Darling Children...

My kids really are darling.

Max is cute. He's rolling over, smiling, and he coos a bit. He is really, really quiet. He looks JUST like my dad. It's funny.

Xandri is every inch me all over again. She's a diva. She loves jewelry, make-up, perfume, costumes, shoes, etc. She tells the most outrageous lies, and she is bossy-as-hell.
Asa is John's side of the family. He's so, so sweet, and tenderhearted, and he has the gentlest spirit. He's also very mechanical and loves Legos and building things. He's so soft and gentle with Max. He's as tame as Xandri is wild. They play well together.
Jack's my little old man. He frets and worries about everything. He's always so serious, so conscientious, and so driven. He's nervous about starting piano lessons and wants lessons so he can impress his teacher. Lessons before the lessons. Poor kid.
Time runs away so fast! Why can't kids stay kids just a bit longer? My baby is growing so fast, and my oldest is joining the iPod crowd. I can't believe how quickly the days fly by.