8 is Great

Jack and Makenna were baptized today (with no help from me, as I've been ill for the entire week). It went well, aside from a small snafu with the address to the church. We had half of the Lindon address and half of the Orem address. The church sits on the boundaries of both cities.

Here's the photo for the invite (that I was to ill to send):

Makenna sang. It was lovely. Grandma Max gave the Holy Ghost talk. They each got a blanket embroidered with their names on it to remember the Holy Ghost. Each received scriptures. Touchingly, Jack has my brother David's scriptures. Dave had received them for Christmas only months before he died. Jackson treasures them; he remembers David very vividly. I said to my dad that I hoped Dave got a furlough to be at the baptism today.

Aunt Sarah sent each of them towels with their names embroidered on them. It was a wonderful day of gifts, both of the spirit and of the temporal. John had never baptized before, and so the baptism of his son was that much more meaningful.

It's great to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My two old friends in my ward are now in the stake primary presidency, and they played the piano and led the music. How lucky to know and love everyone at an event. The dinner afterward was great---lovely cake and ham with buns. It was an important moment in all our lives: another day to be grateful to be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing.

Who Names Their Kid After Cheese??

It's interesting how life winds in and out in it's beautiful tapestry. It brings people together although they've been apart for years, sometimes all at once, and often for the best.

This weekend, over Memorial Day, I met up with old friends Micah Pullins and Colby Clark. Cole, who John and I have always been most fond of, always laments, "What kind of a name is Colby? It's a cheese! Who names their kid after cheese?"

Lately, over the past 2 weeks, the summer school program has been advertising for a Language Arts teacher. Colby's dad is in charge of the summer program this year, and as Mark and Colby were golfing on Saturday, Mark mentioned my gasoline costing 50-55 cents per mile, and Cole mentioned that his dad was hiring English teachers.

Eh, voila! I am teaching summer school starting on Monday. I'll be teaching without a break---and then for the next 3 weeks. WOW. Whew!! I can't believe I am going to do this. It makes my heart beat faster in fear---new students, new curriculum, longer classes...

Wish me luck!!

Mr. Maxwill Grows Up!!

Max has made HUGE accomplishments this WEEK. He has his new L lower front tooth, and he's crawling on hands and knees---FORWARD. Go Max!! He's darling and he never stops! He does love his crib at night, and although he only says "Dad, Dad, Dad" he knows Mama. He also knows Asa's name and looks for Asa when you say, "Where's Asa??"

Such a cutie pie!

What's New With Max?

Max is growing so big, so fast! I am amazed at how different each of my children are, right from birth. Maxwill has a huge personality. He's very determined; he knows what he wants, and when he wants it, he wants it immediately. In this way, he's very like both his mom and his dad. ;o)

Max's round head has required that he sleep on his belly, which has made him adore all things done on his tum. He's now rocking on his knees, and he's mastered backward scooting. When he gets "stuck", he raises the roof in frustration.

Max loves his "bumbo" and sitting up. He's not sitting by himself yet, but he does adore high chairs, walkers, and being able to be part of the group. He also likes the swing. However, Max doesn't love doing anything for very long. He wants to be moving, moving, moving. Toys are a delight to him now, and he is still crazy about stuffed animals; he likes to touch faces, grab at clothing or cloth, and he stuffs everything in his mouth. He usually bonks himself on the head, and that makes him terribly angry. He's getting much better at getting things in his mouth the first time, which is great for all of us.

Another skill Max is mastering is speech. He's learned to say "Da-da-da-da." He loves to lay on his back and say "Dad." He also loves to stick out his tounge and suck on his bottom lip. He's getting good at all of that. It's great to see him advance!

He's starting to notice his feet, which is fun. That's the next "step" I guess! He's almost ready to grab them. Babies certainly don't stay babies for long!

Max has started eating anything and everything. He consumed several graham crackers tonight, which he enjoyed tremendously. He was covered in them. He loves rice cereal and oatmeal, and we haven't found anything he won't eat!

Max has moved to the next size of clothing, and he's ready to move to the next size car seat! I do adore this stage of childhood. He's still small enough to snuggle, but delightful to play with. He laughs when we do funny things; he delights when we repeat his words back to him; he knows his name; he recognizes dad and mama's voice; and he loves his siblings, especially Asa.

One other interesting thing about Max is the way he looks. Instead of being tall and lanky like my other babies, Max is round, chubby, and reminds me of my brother David. He looks so much like my dad, and I guess by extension, like me. It's fun to see the past in the future. It's also tantalizing to wonder what will come...

My greatest delight in life has been the adventure of my children. They are each so beautiful: Jack has an intense, genuine sincerity. Xandri has a love of life, music, and people. Asa is at a tender, loving age, and his kisses and snuggles are priceless. His little face lights up my life with hope in the future. My baby is simply a living gift. He's all love and all joy. Even being up with him in the middle of the night is lovely---his joy at being with me, and my love for him is a huge blessing.

Anniversaries

John and I have now been married 14 years! Wow! Time flies by.
For our anniversary, we went to The Gateway and saw Leatherheads and ate at Z'Tehas. It was a lovely restaurant. The food was lovely; the movie was great! Our kids had a fantastic time at Grandma & Grandpa Phippen's watching a movie while Max spent the evening with April, his favorite daycare provider.

We're lucky! It turns out that being married is hard work, but it's worth it. I never predicted where we'd be at 14 years. When we first started planning, we dreamed we'd have 2 children when we'd been married 5 years... we didn't get our first until we'd been married 6. We dreamed we'd build a big, barn house... we're still in our "starter" home and expect to stay here forever. We dreamed I'd be a stay-at-home-mama... and I'm the insurance, stable job. All of these changes have been a wonderful, circuitous journey.


Ithaca
When you start on your journey to Ithaca,
then pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
Do not fear the Lestrygonians
and the Cyclopes and the angry Poseidon.
You will never meet such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your body and your spirit.
You will never meet the Lestrygonians,
the Cyclopes and the fierce Poseidon,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not raise them up before you.

Then pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many,
that you will enter ports seen for the first timewith such pleasure, with such joy!
Stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and corals, amber and ebony,and pleasurable perfumes of all kinds,
buy as many pleasurable perfumes as you can;
visit hosts of Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from those who have knowledge.

Always keep Ithaca fixed in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for long years;
and even to anchor at the isle when you are old,
rich with all that you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.

Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have taken the road.
But she has nothing more to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not defrauded you.
With the great wisdom you have gained, with so much experience,
you must surely have understood by then what Ithacas mean.

-K. P. Kavafis (C. P. Cavafy),

Adventures in Technology

Well, 0ur family has made a few leaps in technology. Jack has his own email address to practice reading and writing, and I put myself on "facebook"--mostly so I could keep up with the kids. I want to know what they are seeing and doing, so that I'm not in the dark as my kids are growing up. I want to be, not "cool" (although I am *so* much cooler online), but at least "in the know." It makes me crazy not to *know* what's going on.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes, I really don't want to know. I always tell my students the immoral or the illegal. That is still true. But: I do want to know what technology I am up against. I need to know what "the wall" is. Although the old cliche about "writing on the wall" seems to work pretty well. Ha. I also want to know, and haven't been able to find out, what a "poke" is--but everyone I've asked is also not in the know. Must be a generation gap between me and the site. HA, ha.

John, he frowns on it. He definitely is anti-MySpace, anti-Facebook, anti-anything-where-people-forget-who-they-are-and-what-they-stand-for. Me... I'm curious about what's going on that I don't know about. Mostly, I want to know, just to know. I'm a writing voyeur. I read what others write, very rarely blogging or reading myself. I send and read thousands of email in a week--and all that communication is just as transitory as a phone call. It's really just here and gone. It's noise, not long-term-communication. Say something wrong, bad, ugly, or illicit: someone will remember. Blog about minutia, and no one even cares. I'm one of the minutiae writers. SIGH.

Was also Joan Crawford today, but taking points for getting dinner from Arby's and flouride from the pharmacy. Not Princess Diana, but also not wire hangers. I gotta come up with something in-between...

Today's Update, mid-day

Jack's moment: On Monday, Jack was in tears because he had submitted a bit to be written in an online story that's in a "game" I've asked him to play. We call it, "Are you smarter than a 10th grade ESL Student" and he reads a passage (same passage as my English Second Language learners) and takes the tests. He's right on par with the kids. He thought FOR SURE he'd get his piece of writing "published" and I didn't explain that it was a random, computer generated pick of the submissions. Anyway, he went to bed on Monday wanting to have a "real book" like that, so I spent time making the book. After I'd made the book special, I was so tired that I sat down to write in it; what I wrote is not just funny---it didn't make SENSE it was so garbled. You could tell that I was falling asleep as I wrote it because the handwriting would slant, and I'd write things like "of America" when it wasn't supposed to be there! I almost never cross anything out when writing, and yet, my handwriting was slanted... it would get tiny as my eyelids closed! Note to self: Don't write in journal for child after 1am. Don't do ANYTHING besides sleep after 1am. Jack is going to sleep over at Grandma Max's on Friday, and he has already packed his bag. It's sitting in the hallway ready to go at a moment's notice.

Xandri's moment: Xandri is very much in the "silly stage"---she gave a marvelously silly performance for her piano teacher. UGH. She is doing well in piano, and she does practice when asked, but this is when I can see the differences in ages/stages with her and Jack. Blissfully, they are not yet on the same page in the book, so I have 2 different lessons to work on, but she has very good musicality. Her position at the piano will improve, and she loves doing the exercises when it involves a Tinker Bell sticker--stickers are still her great reward. I will be registering her for Kindergarten as soon as I get one more piece of paper... She got her shots (she said she WAS shot).

Asa's moment: Asa loves the piano, too. He learned the piano teacher's name yesterday (it's Jubal Joslyn) and he marched around the house saying "Jooo-bull! one! two! Jooo-bull! one! two!" He can hardly WAIT to start piano, and he has figured out which fingers are 2, and he puts both of them on middle C and says, "one! two!" then he turns the pages in the book. Funny. He calls all his colors by the color of the cars in the Disney movie Cars. His favorite color is currently "McQUeen" (red). He can differentiate between Sally (a lighter blue) and Doc (a Royal blue). If you ask him what color something is, he'll usually say "Pooh-pull" as that is a cool word to say.

Max's Moment: Max has learned that his HANDS are a wonderful gift. He can pass his toys between his R hand and his L hand, and he now wants to chew on something whilst passing the toy. He prefers to chew the toy, but if it doesn't sit right, or he can't get it in his mouth, or it doesn't taste right, etc. he screams and screams. He likes to play the 2 binky game. One soother to chew on and one to pass from hand to hand. That game consumed most of our evening last night. He also jumped in how much he is eating: he's now gulping down almost 6 ounces of milk---and he's my first really ROUND baby. His grin lights up rooms, and he loves attention. He throws tantrums to get attention. Any attention is good attention; he stayed captivated at the baby shower I hosted on Saturday for hours because people were smiling and talking to him. When NOT being held, he is not as delightsome.

My class is back from their "Student Educational/Occupational Planning" meeting, so I must go

Oh, the Frustration!!

Max has moments when he's so frustrated because his skill hasn't caught up with his wants.
He can pass an object from hand t0 hand, but if he drops it, he screams, HOWLS, with frustration. He also knows to complain until he gets someone, anyone, to pick him up. It doesn't seem to matter who's attention it is, excepting Xandri. He knows he's not entirely safe with her!!


He wants to pass the toys hand to hand into his mouth---but he's not always successful, and he frustrates easily. He screams with it, even while he's still got the toy in his hand because it doesn't perform up to his expectation. He can't make it do what he wants, can't make it taste or feel like he wants it to. He is angry WITH THE TOY, even as he gnaws at parts of it. Someone needs to chill out!! It would be funny, if it weren't indicative of how he may react to not-getting-his-way for the rest of his life.

He does like stuffed animals. I never knew what they were good for, before this. I thought they were simply decorative. Imagine my surprise! His favorite object is currently a floppy bear dressed as a blue bunny, or an Eeyore. Both were gifts, and both are loved, so that's good, I guess. I'd be better if he wasn't acting so much like demon spawn.

I Killed the Computer

So... I got about 500 (1/2 an Amazon.com box) of papers recorded. At 3:30am, the computer and the network hiccuped (this is the official term the computer geek at school used) and I lost my grading program! Good news, I had *just* backed up the data. But, I didn't get ALL the papers graded, and my flunking ESL students are FRANTIC because two of them made the baseball team and one of them made the soccer team: those events equal good grades.

Tomorrow is Friday! TGIF. Then on Saturday, I'm hosting a baby shower. I'm thrilled to be doing it, but hope that I have enough energy after the all-nighter.

Gotta go love the kids for a minute. Only 2 of them are currently screaming.

When Mama's Not Happy, Ain't NOBODY Happy

I have 1,000 papers sitting next to me. 700 of them have "scores" or can be simply scored. SEVEN HUNDRED PAPERS. Then, I have 300 essays, and on Friday, I will have 140 more essays coming home. Each paper must be read, graded on a rubric, etc. That's just the paperwork, though. My ESL 10---and they read on a 3rd grade level---has to be babied and I can NOT find a book on a 3rd grade reading level that will appeal to a high school kid. If you have any ideas, I beg of you---send 'em my way. They are still a bit too low for most chapter books. Envision that, would you?

Then, I have the actual teaching. I want to go on record, when I do an assignment or teach a lesson, I am ON for 80 minutes. I don't hang back. I'm there, I'm engaging, I'm goofy, I'm doing bad pop-culture references, I'm trying to tie the kids in... I can not get any grading done during the day, and I have no prep period on one of my days. Ridiculously heavy class load, all the hardest kids, and a 2 specialty classes. I swear, I'm about to crack up.

Then, we have this rule at our house. It's a dad rule, because Mama can't figure out how to make it work. When we get home, Jack is supposed to immediately do his homework. Xandri feels she must immediately eat THREE snacks (enough for 3 children, anyway); Asa wanders about whining about how "tard" (tired) he is so that somone (like the mama) will give him a bottle. He has not had anything from a bottle from the mama in over a week. Max MUST be fed---he screams until he's hoarse; he gets sweaty; he wheezes---and it's been a long time since he was last fed, and he's the littlest, so he does get to go first.

Then, we have to sign the homework. Then, we have to have "the report" from Jack's day, complete with cute hand-guestures and interminably long explanations. Then Asa must return to whine about something new (but see paragraph above. Now he's "Hungry!! My tummy's HUNGRY.") Then Xandri comes to tease Asa/Jack/Max, whomever she can find. Then it's time to do piano.

Are you tired yet? It's not even 5pm! I've been at this day since 7am.

Then we do the piano theory work---it's new in our schedule. We're working on beat/measure/clapping/fingerwork, and it's all done at the kitchen table. Xandri's doing REALLY well. I made Jack furious tonight. It was an exact repeat of my dad trying to figure out why I couldn't do math. I finally told him that I refused to make him cry, and that he was NOT ALLOWED to practice it wrong, so we'd come back to it tomorrow. Does anyone have a spare metronome? He's not COUNTING, and he's mad at ME for noticing it.

Asa loves the piano playing part. He counts 2, 3, 2, 3, and he plays with good position, etc. He is NOT taking lessons. He's TWO for heaven's sake. He loves to sing along, and he's DYING to play like the other kids. It's cute, and he's figured out to watch, not play.

Xandri is doing well, but we did have a tiny melt-down, so we decided to be finished. Most of the melt-down was because Max was screaming. By the time Daddy got home at 6:15, we were ALL tired of each other: Jack was cross because he couldn't play his song perfectly (and I had pointed it out); Xan was cross because we hadn't signed her up for kindergarten (second child I've missed K registration for...); Asa was HUNGRY; Max was GRUMPY and feeling Mama-Deprived.

This was a normal day. I wish they weren't all like this. I really don't feel like this is what I signed UP for, you know??

A Visit to the Doctor

Max and Mama had to go see Grandpa Doctor (that's what Jack called Grandpa Bill when he was a toddler.) Max got to have his 4 month old check---and FOUR vaccines! Oh, man, I'm fairly certain that he's channeling several of the 7 dwarves: Grumpy, Dopey, Sleepy and some of the cousins: Irritable and Cranky. At least, he's received his pneumovax, which is what I wanted the most. He's been wheezy from his colds. Poor Max, he's been the sickest of all my babies. I guess it's hard to be a winter babe.

Mama had a mole and a cyst removed---and they were pretty ouchy. Then I spent Max's nap time getting stuff for the baby shower I'm hosting for one of my favorite people on Saturday. It was fun---until the Tylenol and benzocaine wore off!

We've spent the rest of the day kinda being cross and miserable. I have no idea whether Max will sleep this evening, but he's currently screaming his lungs out and I'm pretty miserable about it. I sure hope vaccines work because they are traumatic---mostly for me. HA.

Max Moments

Max has figured out his KNEES work!! He's standing on his feet, having someone hold him up, and he's bending his knees up and down, moving! So cute!

Max has also figured out
1. His fist is far superior to his binky
2. He loves 2 fingers very best
3. He complains so people will come and give him attention (such complaining is LOUD and irritating)
4. He asks to eat much, much too soon, so someone will pick him up and snuggle him
5. He loves toys, and everything goes in his mouth
6. He's crazy about his brother Asa
7. He screams, often for no discernable reason
7. He loves bathing
8. Mom's bed is the best bed in the house
9. Mom is superior to any other person, even if some other person is already holding, petting, snuggling, etc., holding him
10. Mom moves faster than the average bear to get to Max.

Max is very bright. And adorable.

Love One Another

Tonight, as I sit here at Parent/Teacher Conference and wonder why they turned the heat off at 7:30 when we all have to be here until 9, I am catching up on my email. Pastor Chad at the Evangelical Church sent an email (about Lent) reminding us that “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35.

I'm not really feelin' the love tonight as we do parent/teacher. It's kinda funny how everyone puts on a game-face and comes to school---each parent braced for the best or worst. I can tell where I am in the line-up of teachers by how hostile parents are toward their students, or how frustrated, or how proud. AH, parent/teacher conference. Gotta love it.

I should be grading my 600 essays. Guess I'll get right on that!

Celebrating Love?

Yesterday was a Joan Crawford day for me. Today is midterm at school, and I had 600 papers to record (didn't get them *graded* but I do have them *recorded* as in my possession). I didn't get home from school until 4:30, when I had to wrestle Xandri and her huge paper heart and balloons, Asa and his Valentine "plane" (paper, zooming all around), Max and his carrier and bag, and Jack who proceeded to empty his entire backpack, coat, and boots all over my car before we could get inside the house.

After we sorted all that out, we had to have a snack, clean up the Valentine holocaust, get all of Jack's coat, shoes, boots, book (which was outside on the side-walk, btw) inside the house. Then we had to clean our bedrooms. Then we cleaned the table for dinner. Then we fed the baby, held the baby, everyone tried comforting the baby. By then, it was 6pm, no dinner had been made, and everyone was cross. It's a good thing we exchanged Valentine's gifts in the MORNING when we weren't so cross!!

Dinner ended up being leftovers, none of which I could eat because all things bovine bother Max, and the veggies were cauliflower & broccoli. I ended up having a sandwich and then we all had a "deck" of chocolate cards. I bought a "royal flush" box of chocolate, so each person got theirs: King (daddy ate Max's), Queen, Jack, Ace & I ate the 10. Then, the kids went to bed and I stayed up until 3am to grade papers.

Wow. Do we know how to celebrate love, or what? Jack couldn't even write notes on his Valentines for his friends because "We're having note problems at school, mom. People are sending notes that say, 'I hate you.'" I guess that starts young, too.

Hope your day of love was more celebration than ours. It did have its moments: When Asa gave me a Valentine "tiss", when Xandri opened all her Valentine's in my class telling me which people she liked and which she didn't, when Jack told Max over and over that he loved him because he was the perfect brother... It had its moments. I guess it can't be all fireworks and parades. This year was definitely full of quick bits of love.

Sick-os

John woke up middle of the night, fever & chills. Seems to be a repeat of what I had Friday and Saturday and what Xandri had Sunday and today. So... he didn't even feel guilt calling in sick (although we don't think he GETS sick days, actually. It's never been discussed before.)

I went to a conference, and my A4-call-the-police ESL class asked why I was so happy today. Today I found a program that will actually tell me, test level/lexile level how well the students read.

My top student reads at an 8th grade level. My bottom student doesn't/can't speak English at all---needs a translator. God bless us, the Future of America can be so scary!! Hopefully this kid will learn English because his goal is to play baseball at BYU, marry a beautiful woman, and then go home to Mexico. Isn't that *everyone's* dream??

No, Really, Who Would You Vote For?

I'll admit it: I'm a liberal. Hannity would call me a liber-nazi. I post NEA pickets in my front yard. I'm a pacifist. I openly detest guns. I have more than several sets of gay friends, and I discuss them (and even have traveled with them and to them). I'm not a normal Utah Mormon. I also don't vote, so my neighbors don't worry about me.

My students view me as "An Adult" which lumps me with everyone Establishment over the age of 25. (HA! That number looks so young now!) They are very concerned with Politics and "The Race" because some of them can actually vote in this coming election, and Mitt Romney is no longer a candidate! Who, they ask, WHO will Utah vote for.

I adore politics. I don't know if it's because I can't vote that they fascinate me so, or if it's because I like being the "Switzerland" of voting in my neighborhood... or just what exactly. I do remember when I became a Democrat (during the first Gulf war) and that being openly in favor of the ACLU was one of the reasons my dad didn't want me to go the the University of Utah or to become a lawyer. Now that I'm really going to become a citizen, I realize this WILL be the last election I'll be neutral. Who would I vote for?

When my students asked me this question, I looked back at the old Nielsen's Chocolate map of Canada hanging on my classroom wall. I won't be able to argue politics in my classroom once I am an actual voting citizen. I might be seen as biasing the vote. I will miss that, miss it very much. We did discuss who Utah might vote for, as we know Utah despises Hillary. It will be a very "Anyone-but-Hillary" campaign in Utah, but the Republicans are also facing an uphill battle because it's not nice to call people un-Christian, Mr. Huckabee; and Senator McCain isn't looking too popular either.

As we discussed political candidates in my classroom, I was laughing to the point where I had tears coming from my eyes. One of my students seriously believed that if Hillary were elected, she'd be the First Lady and Bill Clinton would be President again. I said, "No, Bill Clinton will be the First Lady. If he wants to have a tea party in the Rose Garden, he can. He can choose the drapes in the White House, but he can't be President again." I think that's part of Hillary's problem: the voters can't separate her from Bill. I can honestly say, I wouldn't vote for Hillary.

The real honest answer is that I've always felt smug that *I* never voted for ANY of the politicians. I never caused any of this mess. I have always been above, without, divorced. Next time, I won't be. This is my last chance to be "Switzerland."

Sickies

We all went to church today, but half way through the singing time, I realized that Xandri was SO sick---burning up with fever. She has slept the entire day, so we hope she's soon better. It seems she had what the boys had last week. Since I have a meeting tomorrow, I guess John will be staying home with her tomorrow.

It's hard to be a working mom when the kids are sick; it's even worse when my mom and dad are out of town and no one can help with any of the sick kids. Mom and dad went with Mark & Kris to Kauai to stay in a presidential condo. Mom scheduled it for Mark... but it looked so good that she and dad went, too. It's supposed to be 30 degrees (F) and snow like mad on Wednesday here. Hawaii sounds good today!!

Vivian called tonight and said that the temperature was -36C in Edmonton, and with the wind-chill it was -54C . NEGATIVE. In CELSIUS. Goodness. That's way too cold.

Life is made in moments that that your breath away

We laughed
Until we had to cry
And we loved
Right down to our last goodbye
We were the best
I think we'll ever be
Just you and me
For just a moment

Time goes on
People touch and then they're gone
And you and I
Will never love again
Like we did then

Someday, when we both reminisce
We'll both say
There wasn't too much we missed
And through the tears
We'll smile when we recall
We had it all
For just a moment

Jack & Grief

Recently, after President Hinckley died, Jack started to think about his great-grandparents. As Jack was laying in bed tonight, he wondered how old Great-grandpa Ira is. When I told him Ira is now 88 years old, Jack was thrilled because it meant that Ira has 12 years left to live.

I'm not sure where Jack got the idea that people "get" 100 years to live, but he believes it in his heart. We had a long discussion about how long people "get" in their lives, and that Uncle Dave only got 24, and President Hinckley only got 97. I also told him that grandpa's lungs aren't healthy and that they hurt all the time and that grandpa probably won't get 12 more years.

Jack's sensitive soul is sore tonight. I remember when I realized that people died, and Jack has been dealing with death for almost 3 years. He is now worrying that we won't get to see Ira this summer, and he cried because Vivian will be so lonely without Ira. His sweetness touches me.

Being a parent is so up and down. Earlier today, I was feeling very Joan Crawford. There are many days I feel like wicked-no-wire-hangers-Crawford when my goal in life is to be more like Princess Diana, arms wide-open-on-the-boat type mom. I figure if I have only 3 hours a day, I should always be wide-open. Unfortunately, I'm just me. I hope it's enough.

These discussions with my children, Xandri reminding Jack that someday I am going to die and he'll have to wait to see me, remind me that I'm all that my kids have in the mom department. It reminds me that I need to remember that---there's no back-up mom for these kids. I guess I need to get the poster of Diana, just to remind myself what I'm all about...

Ash Wednesday--Seek & Ye Shall Find

It's Ash Wednesday today. Lent started this morning. Christ Evangelical Church (where my friend Tracy is the church secretary) is doing 40 days of prayer that correspond to Lent, and they sent this as their "thought of the day"---it goes along well with what I've been thinking/doing with my patriarchal blessing:

FEBRUARY 6
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me if you seek Me with all your heart."Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV translation)

The King James Translation
11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.
13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your cheart.

"I'll seek the Lord early while in my youth, and He will help me to know the truth. I'll search the scriptures and find Him there, then go to my Father in fervent prayer. I'll seek the Lord early and I'll obey His living prophets and all they say. I'll keep His commandments; His love will abound; I will seek the Lord early and He shall be found."