Ecclesiastes 8:8

None of us can hold back our spirit from departing. None of us has the power to prevent the day of our death. There is no escaping that obligation, that dark battle. And in the face of death, wickedness will certainly not rescue the wicked.

Today's scripture reminds me of Dylan Thomas' poem "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night."

Do not go gentle into that good night, 

Old age should burn and rave at close of day; 

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right, 

Because their words had forked no lightning they 

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright 

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, 

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, 

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, 

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight 

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, 

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height, 

Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray. 

Do not go gentle into that good night. 

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Life is Terminal

My friend Tracy works for the Evangelical Free Church. This month, they are focusing on how to make each day matter. "What would you do if you knew you had only 30 days to live?" I decided to take the challenge and blog my thoughts about the prompts Pastor Rich is sending out.

Day 3, Psalm 39:6-8 (NIV)

 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: 

       He bustles about, but only in vain; 

       he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

 "But now, Lord, what do I look for? 

       My hope is in you.

 Save me from all my transgressions; 

       do not make me the scorn of fools.

How does a “terminal” perspective alter your priorities?  I have felt that because life is short, my priorities need to be about making "heart" connections (ironic because I am worried about my heart), but more importantly, I have felt like I need to go home and be Princess Diana, making those moments that matter have real splash in the lives of my children. Jack made the comment on Sunday that "We had a really BIG day!" because we'd been to a mission farewell, our own primary, and then to my nephew's baby blessing. All of those events were dedicated to serving, being, and feeling the influence of Heavenly Father in our lives. My favorite place to be is "the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing." I live for those moments. They don't happen every day, but when they do, they are special and they are filled with promise and hope. They are moments of true power: you wouldn't be in any other place doing any other thing.

What areas that you put energy into should you let go of in order to really make the Lord your hope? Since I became so sick about 4 weeks ago, I have decided that I would only clean and do the bare minimum around the house to make it livable. I would spend my real energy snuggling my children, reading them books, talking to them, doing their homework, and being with them when they ate after school to hear their stories. Sometimes this leaves me so exhausted that I go right to sleep when John gets home, but I know I've given my kids attention that I might not have given them if I had just rested for a bit after school. Everything I do, I do for a child somewhere. What I do for school is for my school children. What I do at home is for my biological children. I have infinite hope in the future and that children are all gifts from God. What we do with them, for them, and through them all remind us that "a baby is God's belief that life should go on." No matter what, I want my children to know I love them and that when I rise in the morning, it is for them. When I lay down at night, it is for them. Everything the Lord gave me, gives me, and will give me is for the raising up His kingdom, and I think that His kingdom rests in the hope and hands of the future.

How does knowing life is short, finite change your attitude toward God?  I have known that my life would be short ever since I had Xandri and my diabetes never went away. As I have progressively got worse, I have found that my life's focus has changed. I try to enjoy something about every day. Sometimes, I think "If this were my last day on earth, did I tell enough people that I loved them? Do they know?" I have also thought a great deal about "If I'd known this would be the way things would turn out, would I have had this many children?" But it's a moot point: Here they are. I made the choice. I picked up one end of the stick knowing that this could be on the other end. I have decided that every day after the day Max was born has been bonus. It's a miracle. We're here. We're doing. We're all together. 

How are you more aware of Him and His presence in the everyday-ness of life? I am more aware of the small graces in my life. I realize the tiny miracles, the small answers to prayer, the promptings of the holy spirit, the whispers of goodness, the blessings of others, and that He is inside US if we let Him work through us. It is part of doing and being and standing in the right place at the right time and knowing, knowing that God is there. God is good; God is goodness. When we are good and do good, God is there. That's a powerful thing. All that we are, all that we do, all that we can be and can do belongs to Him and the days He has given us: and ALL of our days are numbered. God knows them because He knows me personally. He has already seen me for who I am, and He knows the desires and wishes of my heart. He knows how much I love my kids; He knows how much I want to be a good parent and have strong marriage to teach my children the importance of being families and sharing love. He knows and every second of every day it is His wish for me to share in His "unspeakable joy." It's up to me to find that joy in every day, to go looking for it, and to make it when it's not there. I know He is always there; I also know I'm not always looking to find Him.

Life is short: no one gets out alive. The blessing is that life is short, and then we get to go HOME, home to the place where our Father in Heaven waits for us with his arms wide-spread and His everlasting peace and joy abound.

A New Week...

It's been a whole week since I updated. I had to stop and think about what I've done and what's new.

John sent the plans to the engineer yesterday. We decided, based on the footings around our garage, that we needed to build John's office above the garage (there is space available) instead of under the back porch. There will still BE back porch, however. That's exciting because we'll be able to dine and have BBQ's there in the fall. It opens directly off of the kitchen (and another off of my bedroom).

I've become the Cub Scout Advancement Committee Chair and I help at cub den meetings. I am still the Primary chorister, but I may only do that for a little while longer. Currently I have 3 callings, and that's more than typical in our ward.

Jackson loves his teacher, Mrs. Baudin, and his Parent/Teacher conference is tomorrow. Xandri's will also be this week, and we'll see what their teachers have to tell us. Xandri is loving kindergarten. She and her friend Holly go to school at the same time and they talk about what happens at preschool and how alike their kindergarten classes are. It's delightful to listen to their conversations about the rugs, the games, their homework. They are students, real scholars, involved in the process of learning.

Asa loves playing with Jack. Because Jack loves Lego, so does Asa. Because Jack plays on the stairs, so does Asa. Asa always wants to play with things Jack loves or things Jack has made because he wants to be like Jack.

Ace also had his pictures taken today. He didn't want to smile for the camera. He was really intimidated by the high school students at the photographer. Oh, well. He can be very shy. I picked the photo that shows his amazing eyes the best. He's got "old" eyes---they are so large, so brown, and they are deep... like they are an old man's eyes. He's got a sweet, sweet spirit, even though he's entered the naughty stage. He's figured out that if he pitches a fit, he will get his way. He's figured out that he can tease and lie and blame it on someone else... SIGH.

Max, now that child has been a tease for months. He loves to do exactly what he is told NOT to do. He knows what no means, and he does it simply because he's been told no. He also climbs things, and he wants to see out of windows. He's fascinated by what's out the window. Of course, once he gets up to a window, he can't get back down, and this makes him scream!

Well, I think that's everying, and I don't think I have any new pictures. I guess I'm not good at that!