Requiescat in pace Rex

in the still of the night it catches me
silent
alone
it sneaks in on teardrops
in blue eyes and blond hair
in your child like mine
your king
born the summer of mine
your first son
my last
every mother’s fear unites us
your pain
your tears are mine tonight
as my king sleeps in his bed
and your son’s is empty
such unspeakable loss
unimaginable
at only 3
when everything should be possible
and beautiful
but it is dark
and night
and my heart breaks
“Good night, sweet prince!”
the infinite stars await beyond
I mourn
knowing you count the ineffable moments between now
and when you can be reunited
those moments determined not by your king
but by The King
and we wait

Singing into the Darkness

Once upon a time life was simple. I was a child, and I worried about childish things, and I worried of simple things. Then, when I grew, my worries grew, and the people I loved grew, and the joys and the sorrows grew exponentially. One of the most spiritual moments of my life occurred in early spring when I took my children to stand with me in the choir room at Orem High. We stood as members of past choirs sang "Go Ye Now in Peace," the quintessential choir song that every OHS choir member learns as the ending piece of all choir concerts (ever).

I had lost my way. I had lost my light. I had lost all hope, all focus, my raison d'etre. I was floundering at sea: "Abandon all hope, for here be monsters" and there we were, standing in the room where I had met monsters, and we sang, I and a group of people I didn't know. We sang into utter darkness. The first time we sang I got through the song, but when they turned off the lights to record the song, I couldn't sing. The words swept me away, and I knew that we were singing into the darkness, and I knew why we were singing into the darkness. We were singing into the darkness to light the way, to illuminate the darkness, to remind ourselves that we create our own light because we carry our own light inside of us. God hasn't left us alone; He never leaves us alone. We sing into the darkness because we are the light under the bushel that cannot be hidden.

The past few days have been dark for me. I have been surrounded by death. My friends are walking separately through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, and the shadows seem deep and dark. On Thursday, two of my friends lost children to accidental deaths, one of an overdose, and one to a tragic car accident where her 13 year old was hit at a bus stop. A third friend lost her daughter-in-law to a long fight with cancer. I also lost a fourth former student to suicide. These events weigh heavy on my heart. Separately, they take my breath away. Together, they make me weak and weary.

On a positive note, we got a chance to enjoy a wedding, and we have a friend who has a beautiful new son. I know that everything under the sun has a purpose, and that the Lord didn't send us here to fail. I'll continue to "sing into the darkness" because of the monumental moment I had this past spring. It was a life-changing experience. While I didn't see an angel, standing there with my children was pretty close. I knew that I had come full circle, one more time. I could walk away in peace and that the Lord was "there beside me" in those little people. This weekend, I am again reminded of how lucky I am to have my little people in my life.

Go ye now in peace, my friends. Sing into your own darkness and find your joy wherever it might be.

School Starts, and I'm behind

On the first day of school I thought it would be funny if I posed with John's big back-pack before I went to school. Back-packs and school. Don't they go together? I modeled my new hair cut, and then went off to school, fully intending to blog all about it.

It's been more than a month since then. I need another hair cut, even.

The kids started school. First Jack and Xandri. Jack has Mrs. Scoville in fifth grade. He's enjoying his reading. He's read his way through many books. He'll have to give you a run-down.

Xandri has Mrs. McCaman in second grade. She's also enjoying school. For a while, she was accused of being the chatty Cathy, but she tells me it was the girl next to her...




Here are some of the cute photos John snapped on the first day of school on the front porch:

Asa started kindergarten with Mrs. Champion a week later. He was SO THRILLED. Here he is with the backpack... He goes into Mrs. Champion's kindergarten class, does some paperwork, listens to a story, and then when dad leaves... He's so sad his dad has to leave him...

Max is also sad when Asa leaves. It's hard to be the solo-home buddy. After a few days, though, he gets to be OK about being the home-body.

Oh what do you do in the summer time??

Since school got out, we've been off to the races, the kids and I. We've been freezing our gizzards out (it snowed a bit the last week of school), and since then it hasn't been particularly warm). We've finally hit a bit of a groove thing. We've worked out our music for the game the kids play to get their chores done, and we've got the days of the week figured out:
Mondays are for field trips
Tuesdays are for piano lessons
Wednesdays are for play dates
Thursdays are for staying in
Fridays are free days...

Here are some fun snap shots of things we've done in the past few weeks:
Mr Max looking SOOOO grown up!!

Asa scoping YOU out...

Memorial Day

Max on Day 1 of potty training (no, it is NOT going well)

Xandri has discovered she can raise 1 eyebrow... and no one else in the family (besides me) can. She's THRILLED. Dad tries, below. She's absolutely delighted.

We spend hours upon hours at track meets with Jackson... ;o)

The Track Meet

Jack competed in his first track meet. It was rainy and cold, but he did really, really well.
His first competition was on the first leg of the 4x100 meter relay.

His team took second place for his age group!

His siblings were watching from the top, up by the press box...

We were at MY high school (Timpanogos), so that helped Jack feel familiar. It was rainy and cold, about 50 degrees outside. Our track coach was hosting, but Jack is training with the Pleasant Grove team because we live just half a mile from Pleasant Grove High School (which is a straight shot down the hill).

Jack's second event was the standing long jump. His first jump was 5'2".

His second jump was 4'11".

His third jump was 6'1". 

There's something to be said for those long, long Phippen legs. He's actually training to do the running long jump, but he couldn't compete in that event.

His last event was the 100m.

Where he's shown here finishing 2nd...

Not bad for his very first track meet! Two second places, and an awesome long jump!

Jack's Birthday Photos

Here's Jack's birthday party follow-up photos:

The cake... that we forgot to have Costco write on (yeah, that's my handwriting in "dad-frosting" last-minute).

The kids on their hike... And Mark is very disgusted with my description of a sloping hike. I'm pleading the fifth and the fact that I've never BEEN on said hike.

Birthday Jack... He was thrilled. A bit sad that only the Preston family came, but pretty excited that the hike, dinner, and cake went so well. He loved the presents and the cousins had fun, even Maddie who adored throwing rocks in the pond!

Luke, Kassidy, Max stayed behind, and Karlee (who'd sprained her ankle) stayed behind on the hike, too.

Birthday Party Invitation...

On Saturday, May 8th, Jackson invites to join him for his birthday at our home. His grand scheme is to take his cousins on a brief hike up to a waterfall nearby. It's not a strenuous "hike" (more a gentle rise,) but you will want to wear tennis shoes and not flip-flops. :o) Smaller children will want to be accompanied by their dads or moms in case they "get tired" or "get scared" and need to be helped along the way. The hike is 1.2 miles round trip (.6 in and .6 out).

Jack says that the hike will begin at EXACTLY 5:10pm.

Of course, there will be chocolate cake. If you don't like chocolate cake, there will be vanilla ice cream.

Sunset is at 8:27pm.

Bedtime is WAY before that, isn't it? :o)

Please come to the house at 5pm. Cake will also be at our home after the hike. If I've missed details, I'm sure John will add them...

Jack's Utah Program

Jack was in the 4th grade Utah program. John took these pictures and I thought was going to write something, but he didn't so for your viewing pleasure... 

Note about Asa

I meant to say...
I think the child LIVES on grumpy and air. Although I think he lies about quite a few things, too... he doesn't eat much. His funny thing is that he always says, "I don't know!" about most things. He also loves playing the computer every day, and he wants to get in "his time" every day with his dad. Okay. Enough said.

Spring has sprung

It's midterm here at school, and I've finally got my laptop back from the shop. I opened up the grading program on Sunday night to do my grades, and it ate my journalism grades. So yesterday, I spent all of the day restoring them from a paper copy... while I have been doing that, plus giving CRT tests (both of which have a learning curve) the weather has been lovely! I'd much rather be outside than doing testing or grading.

Jackson has been so excited to start track. His first day was yesterday. After days and days of build up, first to find the *perfect* running shoe (a pair of kids Saucony) and then to the count down to the first day of track, we finally got to the first day of TRACK.

John has been counting down to his "fire show" at his friend's Wood Badge course. And when I say counting down, let me just tell you, days and days and days of build up to the *perfect* fire show. Sound familiar? Like father, like son? They are an awfully lot alike, perfectionistic in so many ways. There are so many rules to be followed.

Xandri is loving the spring, and she's been to her first surprise birthday party. I'm not quite sure why her friend needed a surprise party to turn 7 (or was it 8?), but they had an enormously fun time playing hair dress-up with her older sister, and painting their fingernails, and just having a late-night. Of course, she thought it was marvelous and every little girl in the neighborhood seemed to be there.

Asa has mastered the pouty-face when he doesn't get his way. He can be happy as a clam, but the second you look at him funny, he hunches his shoulders, turns on his pout, and his face clouds up. He's quite the poseur. It makes me nuts, especially at the dinner table (as I am quite sure the child lives on grumpy and air). His favorite thing is Star Wars, and he goes around singing Indiana Jones and Star Wars/John Williams theme songs. He often calls C3PO R3PO, which is really funny. It also makes him blush, and sometimes hide under his red chenille blanket.

Maxwell is the sole definition of grumpy. He has his own theme song ("The Grumpy Old Troll Who Lives Under the Bridge"--from Dora the Explorer). He has mastered the scowl and he's ADORABLE, but really, really grumpy. Sometimes, he's delightful, but mostly, he's just grumpy. Max loves Batman, Luke, and  anything Asa loves.

That's THIS Phippen Phamily wrap-up for the moment...

Track

Who knew track could be do hard!
But who cares!
It's not all that bad.
It still is fun.


-Jack
jackson.phippen@gmail.com

What a Day

What a Day!
It was such a nice day today!
I loved it.
-Jack

Great a Storm

I wish it doesn't storm tomorrow. Right after the nice weather. This sucks.
I hate rain. It's stupid. (sigh) Oh well.
-Jack

Flat Stanley, afterthoughts

What I learned from Flat Stanley, a rant:

1. Children learn nothing when they don't do the project themselves.
2. Teachers don't care much, either, as evidenced by the fact that neither Xandri nor her teacher bothered to read all letters that were returned.
3. Xandri had no idea when the project was due, nor did she really care. She is 7.
4. One letter was just as good as two. However, there are 7 days in a week.
5. Doing something well and doing something very well only matter if you care, because no one else does. Keep your own score.
6. Xandri's teacher doesn't actually read all of her email because I never did get my password for grades.
7. Word Perfect is a superlative product to OpenOffice.
8. Word Perfect X4 does not print with Windows 7.
9. Word is not included with Windows 7. Windows is a racket. Damn you, Bill Gates.
10. Flat Stanley is a project for others, not a suitable homework assignment for first graders.

The end.

Flat Stanley

I have just completed a HUGE Flat Stanley project at school. Flat Stanley went to visit Grandma Phippen in Salt Lake; Aunt Barbara printed him and sent him home with Grandma Max in Canada, and today I took a Flat Stanley adventure to school. My mom was the first one to send Flat Stanley on Facebook.

~ From Xandri

For those of you who haven't noticed...

Jack has begged for a blog... so I set him loose on mine. The blog's title will now change. I'm going to rename it so it will best represent that it's coming from the two of us. I guess it's now Jack and Jill who are speaking and not just the Queen who has Spoken, since Jack is doing most of the talking. Wow. You give a kid a bit, and he starts chatting up a storm! Perhaps I should have given him his own blog!

:o)

Another School Day

Great it's anonther school day. (sigh)
I wish I have a little more fun at school.
But who cares, right?
Oh well.
-Jack

Finnaly

I've FINNALY gotten track shoes!
There pretty good.
I can't wait for track to start!
-Jack

Ops!

Sorry everyone! My countdown was on the wrong date. But my party is still on the 8th.
-jack

16 days!

16 Days til my B-day! Lets celebrate! The pary is going to be on the 8th of May!
See you all there!

-Jack

I CAN'T WAIT Til Tomorow !

I can't wait til tomorow because I get to go buy TRACK-SHOES!!!
It's going to be so fun!
-Jack

Everyone's a Comedian!

Tonight's adventures involved "mom mac-n-cheese" and a funny dinner discussion... which started when Asa, age 4, decided he'd tell me a joke.

"Mama, why did the pineapple cross the road?" he asked.
"I dunno," I replied, "Why did he cross the road?" (Of course, all 4 year old pineapples are male, right?)
"He was thirsty," Asa replied.
"Ah," I said, and Xandri thought this joke was hugely hilarious, mostly because it was not funny in the slightest. SHE had a funny joke however.

"Mom, Why was the cat afraid of the tree?" she asked.
"Hmmm," I said, thinking she looked awfully funny as she sat with her head tilted to the right, her blonde bob tucked behind her ear. "Why was the cat afraid of the tree?"
"She was afraid of the BARK!" Xandri's voice raised into a squeaky giggle. "You see Mama, a tree's skin stuff is called bark. You know, the stuff on the outside?"
"Yeah, I knew that." I said.
"Mom!" Max said. "Look ah me!" He's now 2 and a half years old exactly (in 2 weeks). He held a piece of pizza in one hand and had a plate of mom mac-n-cheese near his other. He tilted his head to his right and repeated, squinting his eye exactly as Xandri had and repeated with exactly the same phrasing she had used and said, "Cat afraid BARK!" and then he fake giggled "Tree!" Everyone around the table laughed very loudly, and he thought he'd told the funniest joke of all. He didn't realize he'd been the joke, and that was probably best.

Jack, in his very wise, almost-10, way, said, "I know a joke!"
"What did the aliens have at the mall?" I, of course, had no idea. The punch line? "Clothes encounters of the first kind." He had two funny ones about skeletons, and a funny one about an elephant and a charge card... but I don't want to spoil Jack's jokes, so that when you see him next, he can tell you himself!

It was a fun night, and they all got brushed, polished, cleaned up, and in bed. We had a nice dinner and good time together.

Adjustments

Now that John has been a full-time dad for two full weeks, we've had some adjustments. Asa and Max have had some schedule changes to work around. No more day care/pre-school. That's kinda weird. I know Asa doesn't eat as much food as he used to. I also know Max doesn't sleep as much as he is used to. He gets to bed time, and he is uber-super-maximum whiny. Dinner-times are very painful when he's so whiny. He's even had to skip dinner all-together and simply go to bed because he's just too tired.

On the plus side, John's office is spic-n-span. On the negative side, I know it's because there's no work to be done in it. Asa does "help" in there in the afternoons while Max is napping. Ace does some work in pre-school workbooks while Max is napping. They also adore watching Dora/Boots/Diego.

John's completely caught up on laundry, dishes, etc. I lost my keys for three days. I had put them on a higher shelf than normal. To find them, we scoured the bedroom looking for them. When I say "we," I mean John. He scoured while I cried after an after school "pep" talk with my supervising principal. It went so well I cried for the entire evening and the rest of the next morning.

To say I'm stressed is to put that in the mildest form possible. I've had a migraine that's now lasted since Tuesday. I took my first shot on Tuesday before I went to bed. I woke up with it on Wednesday morning. It's pounding as I type now. These kinds of migraines definitely affect my life, and even my skin hurts. I can't hardly sleep, and I'm definitely not eating. To say I'm my mother's daughter is putting it mildly. John says that perhaps in a week or two they will know if his company will have another investor, so perhaps they will start back to work; if they don't get another investor, they may never start back to work again, and the company will just fold and we'll never see the money they owe us. That will be really, really hard. Of course, my friends all say that we should sue the company. Then we'd be out the court costs on top of the money they owe us. More money wasted. Stress upon stress. How many sick children did we have at our house this week? I didn't even count? Did I help? Even once?

I walk through the house in a blur, in a blank; I find that even simple things, bills, letters, shopping, things I used to do as a matter of course, terrify me. Where will we find money for them? There isn't any money for any of it. Buying groceries, going to Costco, buying gasoline, all of it is so expensive. I cringe just thinking of it. I think I'll go cry some more. I won't help one bit. I won't feel better after, either. However, I have a migraine. Sometimes, that's just what happens.

Reagonomics

Today, while I was on my way to Wendy's to get a dollar menu salad and drink, I heard an interesting use of the word "Reaganomics." It turns out, there's a campaign to remove Ulysses S. Grant from the fifty dollar bill. Instead, Ronald Reagan might soon appear on the fifty instead.

However, I have no idea when I might see a fifty any time soon. Jack would love to go see Percy Jackson and the Olympians which I have promised and promised we'd go see as soon as dad got paid... hahahahaha. I guess we'll just have to go see it anyway, since payday seems to have been given up for Lent. Movies, etc. are hard to forgo when you are a kid.

There are other things that are hard to explain to the kids. For example, when I brought Asa home on Friday, he asked me several times, "Why come it's my last day at school?" (I love that he doesn't use "How come." Everything is "Why come" or "Why this" not why not? It's so very four-years-old.) Asa asked again at home, and I had explained that preschool was very expensive, and he seemed to understand expensive, but he doesn't understand money, so that part is hard. He also doesn't like being trapped at home with his tyrant of a brother, Max, who doesn't mind being home with Asa.

Of course, there's tremendous guilt on both sides from the two daycare providers. I don't dare go inside the daycare center to get Asa's stuff. The daycare girls told me to wait a week and they'd finish up Asa's portfolio. I have gotten 2 emails (both sad) from them about how much they miss Asa's cute face, and one from Max's provider about how much the kids miss Max... and it's only Wednesday!! I also had guilt from the money-lady about how cash-strapped their program is!

All change is hard, and the boys are loving being home with their dad. Yesterday, they spent the day "inventing" with their dad and uncle Sam. Sam is working on something that delivers paint evenly, and the boys were tag-alongs for a project at the Home-Despot (where they love to steal your money for all home necessities). They are spending good times together, and as long as they don't spend every spare moment fighting, it will be OK. Now... we'll just have to see if we can scrounge up some Grants to get us through. I wonder if Congress will really vote to change his face to Reagan. I doubt it. Wasn't he a Republican?

Flat Stanley Visits for Adventures with Mothering

Today, Jen posted on Facebook that she was looking for someone with extra food for dinner. I thought that was really funny because I was cooking on a game called "Cafe World" which is really, really funny because I don't cook at all "in real life" because I mess food up so much so my children won't eat it. The only thing I cook that they will eat (except Asa) is "mom" macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, IchiBan soup, peanut butter sandwiches, rice & soup, chicken noodle soup, and flautas. Asa lives on air and water. Max, on the other hand, will eat anything.

John made my grandmother JJ's goulash (which my mother always called red macaroni.) I can cook it, and volunteered, but John overheard me and rescued *everyone* from certain culinary mayhem by doing so before leaving for scouts.

We set the table, and Max wanted to chow down. We did wait until Jen arrived.

Here's Xan post-piano lessons. She is learning 2 new songs and still practicing her Christmas pieces. Her best skill includes playing by ear, complete rote memorization, and mimicry in the finest presentation. She does play at least a half-an-hour every day, and she often practices twice a day. While she loves playing, I often wish she'd work on theory as much as her younger brother, Asa. Ace has mastered note spelling, and he's actually quite good with Mischelea, the piano teacher. For being only 4 years old, he's a good little pianist.

Jackson gets a bit frustrated with piano on some days because he'd love to play the piano perfectly on the first time through, but when he can play the song to perfection, no one is more proud. :o)

Flat Stanley also came to visit, all the way from Rochester. My niece Kahri is reading his book and sent him to visit my sister Jen, so he's come (via her diaper bag) to visit. Here he is sharing Grandma's Goulash...

Extreme CLOSE-UP

The kids declared today's adventure a GOOD one. YAY. Go me! So glad my sister suggested it. SO glad John cooked! It was MUCH better than Taco Tuesday. Now, who invented Mustache March?!

Scout Mama Minute

Last Tuesday was the Blue and Gold Banquet. Why has it taken me a week to get the pictures and the write-up, you ask? Well, it was migraine weekend, and then my computer cord broke. I did get the pictures uploaded to Facebook, so those of you who have Facebook did get to see them there. But the PRIMARY reason was: O.L.Y.M.P.I.C.!!

We have been OLYMPIC watching at our house. Of course, now that the closing ceremony has happened, let real life commence. We'll all get back to our regularly scheduled lives. However, it was great while it lasted, and during our evenings after we scooted the children off to bed, John and I did more sport watching in 2 weeks than we will do in the next 2 years. This 2 weeks was winter. Next 2 years, it will be summer. We only know anything about Olympic sports.

And now, back to the only OTHER thing we know anything about: Scouting.

Jack received his Bear award. Sorry you missed it.

It looks like this:

Based on the picture, you can also see he got a really great centennial patch, another beltloop, and a volleyball pin. As soon as he sees Grandma Max, he'll be yammering at her to sew him Bear patch on his shirt. Beware.

Here we are, John and I, being pinned:

The big surprise of the night was a present of PINEWOOD DERBY cars...

 

Asa was more thrilled than Jack. Of course.

Now we need to get cars for EVERYONE... and go to Grandpa Phippen's to cut them out again. Hopefully cars for everyone can be squeezed into the budget. I guess I'll have to google how expensive THAT is. When is pay day again?! April 21 is the magic race day...

Pizza was the dinner for the evening, and my favorite picture was when Max prayed. It was SO cute, I made him pose for it again:

The day wouldn't be complete without a Xandri picture, so here she is. She has a great one, and then a silly one:

 I actually like the SILLY one better. :o) That's just ME.

Jack, the Indoor Soccer Player

Recently, Jack has been playing on an indoor soccer team. He's been playing with the boys in our ward, coached by Brother Woodhouse. Here are some shots taken at his last game: (Which they WON!)

Jack, the speed demon (He really IS fast, and is campaigning to run track.)

Alyxandria (who is thrilled to be along as specator)

Action-Adventure shot (Look, I really DID play!)

Another shot... with odd focus, but more proof of playing.

Jack has also scored a goal against a real goalie, which is an accomplishment considering we're not sure everyone on the team they played for that game was actually the correctly stated age. :o) Let us just say in the interest of political correctness that the team was Hispanic, and their birth dates were not all in the American system of dating. :o) Some of them were awfully large 10 year olds.

It has been really fun for Jack, and after being away from soccer for 2 years, he's even more excited for track season to start! ;o)