Once upon a time life was simple. I was a child, and I worried about childish things, and I worried of simple things. Then, when I grew, my worries grew, and the people I loved grew, and the joys and the sorrows grew exponentially. One of the most spiritual moments of my life occurred in early spring when I took my children to stand with me in the choir room at Orem High. We stood as members of past choirs sang "Go Ye Now in Peace," the quintessential choir song that every OHS choir member learns as the ending piece of all choir concerts (ever).
I had lost my way. I had lost my light. I had lost all hope, all focus, my raison d'etre. I was floundering at sea: "Abandon all hope, for here be monsters" and there we were, standing in the room where I had met monsters, and we sang, I and a group of people I didn't know. We sang into utter darkness. The first time we sang I got through the song, but when they turned off the lights to record the song, I couldn't sing. The words swept me away, and I knew that we were singing into the darkness, and I knew why we were singing into the darkness. We were singing into the darkness to light the way, to illuminate the darkness, to remind ourselves that we create our own light because we carry our own light inside of us. God hasn't left us alone; He never leaves us alone. We sing into the darkness because we are the light under the bushel that cannot be hidden.
The past few days have been dark for me. I have been surrounded by death. My friends are walking separately through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, and the shadows seem deep and dark. On Thursday, two of my friends lost children to accidental deaths, one of an overdose, and one to a tragic car accident where her 13 year old was hit at a bus stop. A third friend lost her daughter-in-law to a long fight with cancer. I also lost a fourth former student to suicide. These events weigh heavy on my heart. Separately, they take my breath away. Together, they make me weak and weary.
On a positive note, we got a chance to enjoy a wedding, and we have a friend who has a beautiful new son. I know that everything under the sun has a purpose, and that the Lord didn't send us here to fail. I'll continue to "sing into the darkness" because of the monumental moment I had this past spring. It was a life-changing experience. While I didn't see an angel, standing there with my children was pretty close. I knew that I had come full circle, one more time. I could walk away in peace and that the Lord was "there beside me" in those little people. This weekend, I am again reminded of how lucky I am to have my little people in my life.
Go ye now in peace, my friends. Sing into your own darkness and find your joy wherever it might be.
