20 July 2011

Perhaps Forever...

I have been preparing for this talk very probably my entire life. My hometown is a tiny town in Canada called Raymond, population of about 3,000 people. It was settled in 1901-2 by a group of pioneers who'd come from a group of pioneers in Utah, who had come from a group of pioneers all over the world to settle the west.  Willa Cather  in O, Pioneers  said this: "There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as if they had never happened before; like the larks in this country, that have been singing the same five notes over for thousands of years."


I had learned from staying with my grandmother over the summers about my family history. She took me all around town and showed me the little houses where my relatives lived, where Grandma Lizzie's tent had been the first winter after coming from Heber on a train that only traveled 15 miles an hour--so slow she could get off the train to pick flowers and then catch up! Her husband's parents, Ri and Briggs arrived the next year. They had been married in the Endowment House by Joseph F. Smith.


These people are still real to my grandmother. She grew up with them, and she was invited on her mission by David O. McKay. She met many of the living General Authorities of the church prior to her mission in 1944 while preparing to go on her mission and staying in Salt Lake City. She can describe the mannerisms of the Presidents of the Church back to Heber J. Grant, which is fascinating to me, because she met them, knew them personally.


My grandmother was a pioneer, accepting a call to serve a mission to the Southern California Mission from David O. McKay who was visiting Southern Alberta. In California, she met a young missionary. He'd been told he'd never have children because of the tremendous childhood illnesses he'd encountered. His grandfather was Elder McKay's best friend. Obviously, I believe Elder McKay's invitation to my grandmother was inspired. In 1994, my brother was called to serve in the same mission as my grandparents, exactly 50 years later in another piece of inspiration. To those returned California missionaries, my father was born in 1950, and 11 months later my grandfather died, leaving his little family to pioneer on. Her whole town took care of her on a tiny street in a tiny town in Canada.


My parents met and married in that town and then pioneered on, moving to the United States in 1979, where my dad opened his own family practice and they raised 5 children. It was hard being so far away from loved ones, but it was wonderful to be in the heart of Utah. We learned to find our family here, and we discovered people we weren't as familiar with who became dear to us. That's what pioneering and sacrifice is all about.


"As pioneers in latter-days" our pioneering looks different. The path isn't next to a slow train picking wild flowers along the way. However, my husband will attest that having a sick spouse in 2011 isn't much different than having one in 1949. It's just as hard. The medicine is different, but the sacrifices are about the same. It still takes a village and a ward to raise children. He'll also attest that children were every bit as miraculous in 2000, as my father was in 1950.  We feared that we'd never have children. It took 9 tries to get our 4 children. They are miraculous to us. Perhaps it's the perspective on pioneering that makes it appear so amazing... or the cost in health or sleep.


Henry David Thoreau said that the cost of something was measured by "how much life you have to give to it." The core of the Relief Society teaches us in Corinthians to be long-suffering, giving up "all that we have,"  so that we can be more Christ-like. Taking upon ourselves the manner of Christ because "Charity Never Faileth" and neither does God.


Sometimes, when we're pioneers, we want to throw in the towel. We want to wave an entirely *different* banner. We want to wave the white flag of defeat. Instead, we must rush headlong into battle remembering the sacrifices that we have already made. Why do we get up every morning? What makes it worth it? Why are we here? What is the ultimate goal? What are the promises we make ourselves when we look in the mirror? What makes it possible for you to "Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things"?


Francis Scott Key asks it in the Star Spangled Banner. "Oh, Say does that Star Spangled Banner still wave?"  Dylan Thomas urges people to "Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night,"  Rage, rage against the dying of the light. People speak out against the designated hitters. Will you be a pioneer in this age? In this day? Will you be as David O. McKay asked and be a pioneer? For behold, the field is white and ready to harvest and lo, the time is upon us. Choose your great work and embrace it:


Pioneers! O pioneers!
O you youths, Western youths,
So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship,
Plain I see you Western youths, see you tramping with the foremost,
Pioneers! O pioneers!



Have the elder races halted?
Do they droop and end their lesson, wearied over there beyond the seas?
We take up the task eternal, and the burden and the lesson,

Pioneers! O pioneers!
All the past we leave behind,
We debouch upon a newer mightier world, varied world,
Fresh and strong the world we seize, world of labor and the march,
Pioneers! O pioneers!



We detachments steady throwing,
Down the edges, through the passes, up the mountains steep,
Conquering, holding, daring, venturing as we go the unknown ways,
Pioneers! O pioneers!



We primeval forests felling,
We the rivers stemming, vexing we and piercing deep the mines within,
We the surface broad surveying, we the virgin soil upheaving,
Pioneers! O pioneers!



O resistless restless race!
O beloved race in all! O my breast aches with tender love for all!
O I mourn and yet exult, I am rapt with love for all,
Pioneers! O pioneers!



See my children, resolute children,
By those swarms upon our rear we must never yield or falter,
Ages back in ghostly millions frowning there behind us urging,
Pioneers! O pioneers!



All the pulses of the world,
Falling in they beat for us, with the Western movement beat,
Holding single or together, steady moving to the front, all for us,
Pioneers! O pioneers!




Has the night descended?
Was the road of late so toilsome? did we stop discouraged nodding on our way?
Yet a passing hour I yield you in your tracks to pause oblivious,
Pioneers! O pioneers!



Till with sound of trumpet,
Far, far off the daybreak call-hark! how loud and clear I hear it wind,
Swift! to the head of the army!-swift! spring to your places,
Pioneers! O pioneers!* (poem by Walt Whitman, extremely edited)



Be a pioneer today. 

02 June 2011

I have been changed for good...

Today was graduation at Timpanogos High School, and it was my 18th graduation as a teacher. 18. Time flies by so quickly, effortlessly at times. We had a student this year, named as our most influential student of 2011: Brayan Melgar. He didn't live to be recognized at graduation, and we held a special graduation for him earlier this spring knowing this would probably be the case.

Catching me out of the blue was the tribute for him, a lovely video montage using the song "For Good" from Wicked. It was the same song used when my brother David died. We used it in the video montage, and my sisters Jen and Kristen sang it right before we closed Dave's casket.
"It well may be that we may never meet again in this lifetime.
So let me say before we part.
So much of me is made from what I learned from you.
You'll be with me, like a hand print on my heart."
This is what we had inscribed on David's headstone. We had the complete lyrics printed on the back of David's program, and the lyrics "Who can say if I've been changed for the better?" really bothered me for a long time. I wondered if I had been changed for the better. Certainly I knew there was blame to share on my part.

I visited Dave's grave often. Perhaps as often as twice a week for at least a year, maybe as long as 18 months. I mourned him intensely, mourned my inability to bend, to forgive, to grieve completely, to heal. So much of what I became as a person in the ensuing years was from what I learned in that process: that loving people, reaching out to them, being open to who people are, forgiving people the trespasses they have, and I have, comes from clearing the air and asking forgiveness for the shared blame.

I learned that mourning never stops. I'll never stop missing David. I see him in the small boy at my dinner table who is so like him. David would adore the boy who calls himself Maximus. They are very possibly the same child, the boy I remember David being and the boy I tell stories to as I snuggle in bed at night. But, because I have learned, because of the hand prints David left on my heart, I know to enjoy those moments in snuggles. Because I knew David, I have changed the way I look at those moments.

I do believe I have been changed for the better: changed for good.

16 May 2011

Piano Recital

Jack, Xan and Asa have piano recital tomorrow at 6:30 pm at the Tahitian Noni Bldg in Provo. The address is 333 W River Park Drive. You are all invited if you want to come!

07 May 2011

Jackson turns 11

We've got a new BBQ, we've got a boy turning 11, and we're ready to PAR-TAY!
Please join us to celebrate about 6:30 on May 9th for the event. 
Jack and Xandri have track until 6pm, and we'll commence grilling.

22 March 2011

Please join us...

Jackson told me that he wasn't going to write on the blog anymore, so I guess it's not Jack and Jill. It's just me.
Please join us
Wednesday
March 30th
6:30pm
at our church 
1250 East 200 South, Pleasant Grove (program it into your GPS)
for the awarding of Jackson's arrow of light.
We're planning something phun and unusual, in our regular Phippen-esque way.

17 November 2010

Requiescat in pace Rex

in the still of the night it catches me
silent
alone
it sneaks in on teardrops
in blue eyes and blond hair
in your child like mine
your king
born the summer of mine
your first son
my last
every mother’s fear unites us
your pain
your tears are mine tonight
as my king sleeps in his bed
and your son’s is empty
such unspeakable loss
unimaginable
at only 3
when everything should be possible
and beautiful
but it is dark
and night
and my heart breaks
“Good night, sweet prince!”
the infinite stars await beyond
I mourn
knowing you count the ineffable moments between now
and when you can be reunited
those moments determined not by your king
but by The King
and we wait

11 October 2010

Singing into the Darkness

Once upon a time life was simple. I was a child, and I worried about childish things, and I worried of simple things. Then, when I grew, my worries grew, and the people I loved grew, and the joys and the sorrows grew exponentially. One of the most spiritual moments of my life occurred in early spring when I took my children to stand with me in the choir room at Orem High. We stood as members of past choirs sang "Go Ye Now in Peace," the quintessential choir song that every OHS choir member learns as the ending piece of all choir concerts (ever).

I had lost my way. I had lost my light. I had lost all hope, all focus, my raison d'etre. I was floundering at sea: "Abandon all hope, for here be monsters" and there we were, standing in the room where I had met monsters, and we sang, I and a group of people I didn't know. We sang into utter darkness. The first time we sang I got through the song, but when they turned off the lights to record the song, I couldn't sing. The words swept me away, and I knew that we were singing into the darkness, and I knew why we were singing into the darkness. We were singing into the darkness to light the way, to illuminate the darkness, to remind ourselves that we create our own light because we carry our own light inside of us. God hasn't left us alone; He never leaves us alone. We sing into the darkness because we are the light under the bushel that cannot be hidden.

The past few days have been dark for me. I have been surrounded by death. My friends are walking separately through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, and the shadows seem deep and dark. On Thursday, two of my friends lost children to accidental deaths, one of an overdose, and one to a tragic car accident where her 13 year old was hit at a bus stop. A third friend lost her daughter-in-law to a long fight with cancer. I also lost a fourth former student to suicide. These events weigh heavy on my heart. Separately, they take my breath away. Together, they make me weak and weary.

On a positive note, we got a chance to enjoy a wedding, and we have a friend who has a beautiful new son. I know that everything under the sun has a purpose, and that the Lord didn't send us here to fail. I'll continue to "sing into the darkness" because of the monumental moment I had this past spring. It was a life-changing experience. While I didn't see an angel, standing there with my children was pretty close. I knew that I had come full circle, one more time. I could walk away in peace and that the Lord was "there beside me" in those little people. This weekend, I am again reminded of how lucky I am to have my little people in my life.

Go ye now in peace, my friends. Sing into your own darkness and find your joy wherever it might be.

22 September 2010

School Starts, and I'm behind

On the first day of school I thought it would be funny if I posed with John's big back-pack before I went to school. Back-packs and school. Don't they go together? I modeled my new hair cut, and then went off to school, fully intending to blog all about it.

It's been more than a month since then. I need another hair cut, even.

The kids started school. First Jack and Xandri. Jack has Mrs. Scoville in fifth grade. He's enjoying his reading. He's read his way through many books. He'll have to give you a run-down.
Xandri has Mrs. McCaman in second grade. She's also enjoying school. For a while, she was accused of being the chatty Cathy, but she tells me it was the girl next to her...




Here are some of the cute photos John snapped on the first day of school on the front porch:
Asa started kindergarten with Mrs. Champion a week later. He was SO THRILLED. Here he is with the backpack... He goes into Mrs. Champion's kindergarten class, does some paperwork, listens to a story, and then when dad leaves... He's so sad his dad has to leave him...

Max is also sad when Asa leaves. It's hard to be the solo-home buddy. After a few days, though, he gets to be OK about being the home-body.

13 June 2010

Oh what do you do in the summer time??

Since school got out, we've been off to the races, the kids and I. We've been freezing our gizzards out (it snowed a bit the last week of school), and since then it hasn't been particularly warm). We've finally hit a bit of a groove thing. We've worked out our music for the game the kids play to get their chores done, and we've got the days of the week figured out:
Mondays are for field trips
Tuesdays are for piano lessons
Wednesdays are for play dates
Thursdays are for staying in
Fridays are free days...

Here are some fun snap shots of things we've done in the past few weeks:
Mr Max looking SOOOO grown up!!

Asa scoping YOU out...
Memorial Day
Max on Day 1 of potty training (no, it is NOT going well)
Xandri has discovered she can raise 1 eyebrow... and no one else in the family (besides me) can. She's THRILLED. Dad tries, below. She's absolutely delighted.

We spend hours upon hours at track meets with Jackson... ;o)

13 May 2010

The Track Meet

Jack competed in his first track meet. It was rainy and cold, but he did really, really well.
His first competition was on the first leg of the 4x100 meter relay.
His team took second place for his age group!


His siblings were watching from the top, up by the press box...
We were at MY high school (Timpanogos), so that helped Jack feel familiar. It was rainy and cold, about 50 degrees outside. Our track coach was hosting, but Jack is training with the Pleasant Grove team because we live just half a mile from Pleasant Grove High School (which is a straight shot down the hill).

Jack's second event was the standing long jump. His first jump was 5'2".
His second jump was 4'11".


His third jump was 6'1". 

There's something to be said for those long, long Phippen legs. He's actually training to do the running long jump, but he couldn't compete in that event.

His last event was the 100m.
Where he's shown here finishing 2nd...

Not bad for his very first track meet! Two second places, and an awesome long jump!

Jack's Birthday Photos

Here's Jack's birthday party follow-up photos:
The cake... that we forgot to have Costco write on (yeah, that's my handwriting in "dad-frosting" last-minute).
The kids on their hike... And Mark is very disgusted with my description of a sloping hike. I'm pleading the fifth and the fact that I've never BEEN on said hike.
Birthday Jack... He was thrilled. A bit sad that only the Preston family came, but pretty excited that the hike, dinner, and cake went so well. He loved the presents and the cousins had fun, even Maddie who adored throwing rocks in the pond!

Luke, Kassidy, Max stayed behind, and Karlee (who'd sprained her ankle) stayed behind on the hike, too.

04 May 2010

Birthday Party Invitation...


On Saturday, May 8th, Jackson invites to join him for his birthday at our home. His grand scheme is to take his cousins on a brief hike up to a waterfall nearby. It's not a strenuous "hike" (more a gentle rise,) but you will want to wear tennis shoes and not flip-flops. :o) Smaller children will want to be accompanied by their dads or moms in case they "get tired" or "get scared" and need to be helped along the way. The hike is 1.2 miles round trip (.6 in and .6 out).


Jack says that the hike will begin at EXACTLY 5:10pm.

Of course, there will be chocolate cake. If you don't like chocolate cake, there will be vanilla ice cream.

Sunset is at 8:27pm.

Bedtime is WAY before that, isn't it? :o)

Please come to the house at 5pm. Cake will also be at our home after the hike. If I've missed details, I'm sure John will add them...

Jack's Utah Program

Jack was in the 4th grade Utah program. John took these pictures and I thought was going to write something, but he didn't so for your viewing pleasure... 

27 April 2010

Note about Asa

I meant to say...
I think the child LIVES on grumpy and air. Although I think he lies about quite a few things, too... he doesn't eat much. His funny thing is that he always says, "I don't know!" about most things. He also loves playing the computer every day, and he wants to get in "his time" every day with his dad. Okay. Enough said.

Spring has sprung

It's midterm here at school, and I've finally got my laptop back from the shop. I opened up the grading program on Sunday night to do my grades, and it ate my journalism grades. So yesterday, I spent all of the day restoring them from a paper copy... while I have been doing that, plus giving CRT tests (both of which have a learning curve) the weather has been lovely! I'd much rather be outside than doing testing or grading.

Jackson has been so excited to start track. His first day was yesterday. After days and days of build up, first to find the *perfect* running shoe (a pair of kids Saucony) and then to the count down to the first day of track, we finally got to the first day of TRACK.

John has been counting down to his "fire show" at his friend's Wood Badge course. And when I say counting down, let me just tell you, days and days and days of build up to the *perfect* fire show. Sound familiar? Like father, like son? They are an awfully lot alike, perfectionistic in so many ways. There are so many rules to be followed.

Xandri is loving the spring, and she's been to her first surprise birthday party. I'm not quite sure why her friend needed a surprise party to turn 7 (or was it 8?), but they had an enormously fun time playing hair dress-up with her older sister, and painting their fingernails, and just having a late-night. Of course, she thought it was marvelous and every little girl in the neighborhood seemed to be there.

Asa has mastered the pouty-face when he doesn't get his way. He can be happy as a clam, but the second you look at him funny, he hunches his shoulders, turns on his pout, and his face clouds up. He's quite the poseur. It makes me nuts, especially at the dinner table (as I am quite sure the child lives on grumpy and air). His favorite thing is Star Wars, and he goes around singing Indiana Jones and Star Wars/John Williams theme songs. He often calls C3PO R3PO, which is really funny. It also makes him blush, and sometimes hide under his red chenille blanket.

Maxwell is the sole definition of grumpy. He has his own theme song ("The Grumpy Old Troll Who Lives Under the Bridge"--from Dora the Explorer). He has mastered the scowl and he's ADORABLE, but really, really grumpy. Sometimes, he's delightful, but mostly, he's just grumpy. Max loves Batman, Luke, and  anything Asa loves.

That's THIS Phippen Phamily wrap-up for the moment...

26 April 2010

Track

Who knew track could be do hard!
But who cares!
It's not all that bad.
It still is fun.


-Jack
jackson.phippen@gmail.com

22 April 2010

What a Day

What a Day!
It was such a nice day today!
I loved it.
-Jack

20 April 2010

Great a Storm

I wish it doesn't storm tomorrow. Right after the nice weather. This sucks.
I hate rain. It's stupid. (sigh) Oh well.
-Jack

Flat Stanley, afterthoughts

What I learned from Flat Stanley, a rant:

1. Children learn nothing when they don't do the project themselves.
2. Teachers don't care much, either, as evidenced by the fact that neither Xandri nor her teacher bothered to read all letters that were returned.
3. Xandri had no idea when the project was due, nor did she really care. She is 7.
4. One letter was just as good as two. However, there are 7 days in a week.
5. Doing something well and doing something very well only matter if you care, because no one else does. Keep your own score.
6. Xandri's teacher doesn't actually read all of her email because I never did get my password for grades.
7. Word Perfect is a superlative product to OpenOffice.
8. Word Perfect X4 does not print with Windows 7.
9. Word is not included with Windows 7. Windows is a racket. Damn you, Bill Gates.
10. Flat Stanley is a project for others, not a suitable homework assignment for first graders.

The end.

Flat Stanley


I have just completed a HUGE Flat Stanley project at school. Flat Stanley went to visit Grandma Phippen in Salt Lake; Aunt Barbara printed him and sent him home with Grandma Max in Canada, and today I took a Flat Stanley adventure to school. My mom was the first one to send Flat Stanley on Facebook.

~ From Xandri